Judgement Day - Comments

I’m here as the new host for ‘The Writing Contest’.

I’ll be honest. I’m not very familiar with the Judge Dredd universe. I saw bits and pieces of the old one, then bits and pieces of the reboot, but never enough to really know anything about it. So I had to go into this blind and hoping you wrote it like an original fiction. There were some points where I was a bit confused because it felt like a reference I was missing, but other than that, you actually did really well of introducing me and immersing me into the universe.

I was really intrigued with the overall storyline. The story starts with action, but develops into something much more sinister than the casual crime. When the first monster appeared, I wanted to know what was happening from there. There were times I was incredibly grossed out (like chapter nine on a whole made my stomach churn with all the organs and the horns and oh boy, what a gruesome chapter) but I could tell that was your goal. The entire arc with Culverton was so messed up. That kiss at the end of chapter ten…yikes. Vomit, but hey good thinking, I guess??

However, one of my biggest problems was that you teeter between too much detail and not enough detail. For example, the entire ‘getting dressed’ scene in chapter one seemed excessive but then you started fading out of the details in chapter two’s action scene. You were doing really well with the detail, with building this momentum and anxiety of the action, but then there was this point like you got bored and just summed up the last bit of the fight. This happens a few times and it’s really distracting.

It also lacked a certain emotional depth to it. I never really connected with Andrew or any of the other characters. This could be because you more so told me how he felt rather than showed me. In telling me what he was thinking rather than using physical reactions and such, you were just telling me. Which prevented me from connecting with him.

At times, you missed periods or commas which created run-on sentences and an awkward flow. It happened mostly in dialogue, so I kept picturing the characters as talking really fast and mashing all their sentences together in one breath. It was a very strange image, but it’s how it reads.

I do think you created a great story, though. Definitely gruesome at times, but a very interesting concept that kept me absorbed!

Ah, yay! Victory. Why did I picture this chapter like a video game?

And then, the kiss and I was like "Yay gay kiss in a Judge Dredd fanfic! " then I was like "Ew, gross, maggoty demon kiss... " That was gross and awesome at the same time. And so fucking weird.

Ah, and I got a mention! Well don't I feel fucking special.

I'm not going to do some in depth critique this time because I'm tired and I want to go to bed (I just sang the Smiths in my head...) but ah, this was a pretty great chapter. There were a couple weird little sentences where I was like "duh fuck?" (They laid down their lives like they were nothing but blades of grass being cut by a blade. Really?) and every no and then it seemed like you forgot to double space the paragraphs apart, but otherwise, this was a ridiculously climactic, awesome chapter.

And I'm excited for the next arc because YAY Mary Sues!

I have to say that I have no idea what is going on. Haha. I am not familiar with Judge Dredd, so I was just asking myself what in the world is going on the entire time. That being said, I think your writing is flawless. I was able to follow what was happening and paint a picture in my head the entire time. I was intrigued when the first monster made its appearance, and even more so when we find out the leader was never really there. I think you really have a handle on how to keep people interested and moving forward. This develops really well, and even though I really have no idea what I'm reading about (as in judge dredd) I didn't find it hard to follow. Bravo, dear!

I didn't really find and spelling or grammar mistakes so that good! I really do like you layout and the banner! I thought I read this story and commented one it but I guess I was wrong. All in all I really enjoyed reading this story! Cant wait to see what happens next! :)

So this is the last one... Yay, finally! You know, when I started reading this, I didn't really think I would subscribe, but by now, I really think I will. It's a really good story with so much potential and I'm excited to see where it goes from here and how Grey along with all the other judges develop.

Um, welp, I had fun spamming your comment section. Ten comments. I warned you I was ridiculously thorough. Sorry bout that.

Ah, alrighty, let's do this.

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Ah, what a spooky opening. I'm freaked the fuck out already, which is good (well, bad, but good...) I really like this disturbing opening and I was surprised to find us still following Summers. And such an interesting turn of events.

The flashbacks was interesting, but I don't think it was exactly necessary. I mean, we could have gotten by without it just fine. That being said, I think it was an intriguing way to organize a chapter, as long as you don't make a habit out of it. Once in a while is okay, but hen you've gone eight chapters already without a weird flashback organization like that and then you suddenly plug it in, it's a little... odd. Like I've seen Criminal Minds use a similar format, but you don't see them doing it every episode because it would get old real fast. So it's fine now, and the break in pattern can be a relief, but just as long as it doesn't become an every other chapter thing, I'm cool. I've seen authors do this (change how they wan the story to be organized half way through) and it always comes off as confusing and a little annoying- like if you were to change from past to present tense in the middle for no apparent reason.

a mutilated corpse with face ripped away is raped nonsensically by the horns of a goat as it chewed on the cock of the unfortunate soul.

Well isn't that a lovely image. You sure know how to paint a picture. So much for my dinner.

Nope, hell, the whole thing got gross pretty fast. Yay. Beginning of the chapter I was nervous. Now I'm just grossed out. Ah, and oddly enough, I'm not hating it. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I'm a little different than I started reading this. Haha.

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Welp, all done. Over all, I'm pleased. There were some minor grammatical errors (random commas seemed to be a theme) and my whole issue of with the lack of emotional connection. But other than that, it's a pretty great story you've got here. And I don't even like fan fiction normally. Haha. Well, I'll be subscribing and looking forward to more.

Ah, the scar finally makes it's reappearance. I was beginning to think you had forgotten about it. It hadn't been mentioned since Grey's initial description. I suggest making such an eye catching feature a more prominent part of your description of him since it would probably be one of the first things people notice about him. Not to mention when his expressions change, considering the scar would be affected by this (rippling when he talks, crinkingly when he tries to smile, etc).

Ah, women in action stories frustrate me. Always getting raped or abducted or rescued (or impaled...). I mean, it's not their fault entirely, they're only a product of their creator's imagination. And I'm not shunning you persay. I just which for once a female lead could be just normal badass like a guy without having to have a Napoleon complex. Like, can you please just not get kidnapped every five seconds? And once you've gotten to the point where your not constantly the damsel in distress, how about not being demeaning to the men around you because your the only woman in the room, huh? Oh god, or it's even worse when they're both at once (i.e. June)! Ah, I hate that! Can you just be a normal human being, please?! Alright. Sigh... I'm done. Moving on:

Andrew shot out of the garage and began to build up as much speed as he could so he could reach the destination as fast as he could.

“Not this time Culverton.” he growled as he raced to the Pleasure District as fast as he could.

You're doing that thing again. Saying "could" or "as he could" a total of four times. Really?

Ah, unintentional rape. I think that's a nice thing to call it. Sorry, I'm still confused by that whole thing. Like... what? But whatever. Also: okay, I'm not the best example of this, but it doesn't really feel like "broomstick handle with nails being shoved inside" you. At least for me it didn't. I won't get into the whole feeling that comes with a broken hymen but the only way it would feel like that is if said thing that was breaking your hymen actually did have nails attached to it. Just a word of advice.

Also: what is a Hot Dog Run, anyway? You should address that at some point for us dumb, not-Judge Dredd fans (not that I dislike him, I'm just not well versed in his universe) who have no idea. Because you keep mentioning it and I still have no idea what it is other than some sort of test the rookies go through and is very bad/scary/intense. Help.

“Right.” Andrew told her as the doors opened and his arm draped over her shoulders, which tensed up.

I think this is an interesting quirk to Summers' character and nicely played. She comes off as the tough girl tough gets riled up just by a man's arm around her shoulder? Interesting. And rather seamlessly brushed in there. I sense improvement! I'm so proud!

I love the rare moments Grey decides to have a sense of humor. Although, it's a little twisted and mischievous. You're getting better, too, which is making me really happy! Noting facial expressions and body language more, that is. This is good! I approve! Keep doing that. Gimme more!

Also: the very slight clautophobia (fear of elevators) is a great little tweak to give him, especially since we (the readers) where their to witness it's genesis. It helps us keep up with him is as a character, developing a bond with this guy and some empathy because we saw a slice of his life that made him that man he is today. Shticks like that are killer towards making a story great as far as the characters go.

Matthew Red and Jane Winters.

Oh my god, are you kidding me? That is the best. Seriously, the best. I just cannot express how incredibly spectacular these aliases are. Jane Winters. Just fabulous. It just gets better and better. Ah, this really made me laugh.

Lights bounced off walls, flashing and probing, it was an epileptic’s nightmare.

This is a really juicy description, too. I really like it- especially the analogy. Not much to say other than that. It's just a really good line.

And then... I went a little brain dead for a second. Like... what? I just... what? I don't understand. First the... was that rape? I don't know. Or just really not-consesual sex. I don't understand. And then the big kaboom and... my brain hurts. I'm so confused. Ah! Onto chapter eight!

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I’m such a lyric hater in stories, I will admit. Unless it’s one or two lines (or at least split up in between narration so that we still get a sense of what’s going on during), it just really gets my goat. It just detracts from the story and turns the readers eye away, putting there mind somewhere else where it doesn’t really need to be. So I suggest dropping about ¾ of that chunk of lyrics so it’s only 4 or so of the most important lines to just give the reader the basic idea of the song.

I do like the brief change in perspective, pulling back from Grey for a moment. Every once in a while, this can be refreshing. I especially appreciated the brief moment when we get the kidnapper’s prospective (She was so close, soon she would be picked up and he could go home to relax.) because it’s a very effective way to show how detached he is from his immorality, like it’s just a job and if he doesn’t think about it, he isn’t doing anything wrong. That side of the “bad guy” always intrigues me and I like when an author plays into it, turning the “bad guy” into a regular guy like anybody else, rather then some cheesy archvillian twirling his mustache and cackling like a moron.

A screen unfurled behind her and security camera footage played behind her.

Redundant statement is redundant. Boo. If the screen is behind her and is playing the security camera footage, then of course the security camera footage would be behind her as well. Kind of… annoyingly obvious and distracting. I dislike this sentence (more accurately: the last two words of this sentence).

Dear god, is Judge Stallion a real character or is he one of your originals? I just… Ack. Can we take a moment for the fact that his name is Stallion. I mean… Ew. Just… I don’t even know where to begin. He so repulsive I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. That being said, he’s a pretty effective character and adds a nice taste of comic relief (in a sad, gross sort of way). Amusing? Yes. Appealing? Not so much. For overall bone-headedness , the sentence is death.

Wiping his mouth and coughing once more he went over and washed his mouth out, trying to get the taste of vomit out of his mouth.

Let’s see how many times we can say “his mouth” in a sentence. My general rule of thumb: try not to use nouns, verbs, or descriptive words (basically anything but the usual is, was, at, a/an, the, in, and, of, etc.) more than once in a sentence. Hell, not even more than once in a paragraph if you can help it. There are only certain times when that is acceptable for repetition purposes (to add effect and cadence) and this is not one of them. When you start repeating things for no apparent reason (especially dull words like mouth with no other purpose to indicate a body part), it becomes kind of bland. There are other things to call a mouth and, well, you don’t need to spell out that when he’s washing out his mouth, he is trying to get the taste of vomit out of his mouth. It’s kind of self-explanatory. Where else would he be washing the taste of vomit out of? His ear? His foot?

June Summers? Really. I’m going to name my child April Springs. It’s so cheesy and ridiculous that it’s awesome and fits in with the comic book air of the story. Ah, comic book names amaze me. Peter Parker. Clark Kent. Lex Luther. Ulysses Solomon Archer (U.S.A. Oh, yeah, they went there), Rick Raleigh (The Red Bee. Please, indulge yourself in the lulz I‘d love to discuss this later, some of them are almost as great as My Immortal), I could go on, probably but, I’ll stop.

Also, read the blog you linked to in your author’s note, and no, I don’t find Grey to be Sue-ish. At least not so far. He very multifaceted character (one that can be nervous but still tough when it comes down to it) who we haven’t gotten to see in a lot of depth yet, but certainly not a cookie-cutter character or a Sue. It’s intriguing how he can shoot a creepy eight-armed monster at point-blank range without batting an eye but at the same time, get sick with nerves at the idea of confronting a blood-thirsty pimp. It’s normal and it’s human, which is wonderfully realistic. People aren’t so one-dimensional that they can handle every single thing thrown at them. They handle some things differently than other, sometimes in weird, confusing ways. That’s fine. The only thing I would like is to get more into his head, figure out the whys of what makes him tick more. But there are still three chapters left that you’ve posted and the story is no where near finished so I’ve got plenty of time I think to learn about him.

Ah, what a refreshing way to open the chapter! A little peak into Grey’s noggin. He’s surprising in some ways like that, and I think I like his character but… I feel like I don’t really know him yet, even after five chapters. There’s a sense of him being the little boy getting to have his dream job in moments like this, then there’s times where he seems like he’s freaked the fuck out and in over his head, then sometimes he’s like a seasoned Judge, sharp and calculating, or my personal favorite, the times when he pretends to go cynical and aloof when he’s around Yvaine (ah, boys… ). Hm. I wonder which one is the real Grey…

Speaking of which, I like the history you hint at between Grey and Yvaine. It’s quite amusing and I look forward to seeing where it leads. I sense a sort of sexual tension, but it’s not necessarily a relationship where I think them being in a relationship is necessary. I kind of like that. A “we’re better as just friends” sort of thing. I’m curious to see which way it goes. (I think I’ll be happy either way.)

It was a motley assortment of the macabre.

Oh, boy, do I just love that line. The alliteration of the “M” really makes it stand out and pack a wallop (“…A Motley assortMent of the Macabre.”) Especially the pattern the syllables create. I could dissect this one sentence for an hour. Maybe two. That really made me giddy. My inner literary nerd just jizzed his pants.

he wanted to try that more for show as his nerves were near spent and he needed to seem as intimidating as possible.

Ah, this is good! More stuff like this, please.

A nice ending to the chapter (kind of sweet in a way), and an interesting turn to take, but… it could have been drawn out a little more, ya’know? I would have liked more tension when Grey finds out the head honcho guy wasn’t really there to begin with and again when he was impaled (right?) and fading out of consciousness. It would have made that proud little moment that Grey finally becomes a real deal Judge just that much more sweet.

The only thing I have to mention about this chapter is I find it curious that Grey turns to mush around Anderson but not Dredd, considering he ranks Dredd above Anderson as far as his list of heros go. Why is that? Because she’s a girl (though I find this unlikely considering how cynical and straightlaced he is around Yvaine)? Or because of her telekinetic abilities (or whatever you would call them… I’m still not sure I understand the full extent of her power; I’ve only seen the movie one time.)?

Oh, and this chapter was a little better about our little previously mentioned issue. Yay!

(p.s. Really, nobody guessed it yet? Hilarious! Ah, I should have read this back at chapter 2! I could have won a prize!)

As always, description is immaculate and creates wonderful imagery. But, there are jerks in the cadence, and well, you kind of shoot yourself in the foot as far as building the tension goes. Like this line:

The thing threw a knife at him from the table after slitting the throat of the amputee on the table.

A guy just go his throat slit and you pass over it like its nothing. There’s just so much that could be built from that one line, but you pass right over it to focus on the action, when really such an task as slitting a guy’s throat has so much potential to tap into the horror aspect of this particular scene. The malice you could add to the spider guy, for one, along with Grey’s reaction (both expanding his character and effectively conveying the pressure of the situation he is in and so much more), even the man’s reaction (because you don’t just keel over, you gurgle and maybe scream, though if it’s deep enough your vocal cords could be severed), and all the fucking blood if it’s at the right angle (or not, in which case it may not be enough to kill him). Ah, there’s just so much awesome detail you could add but you skip right over it so Grey can do some Matrix backbend shit. Such a let down.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, Matrix action is pretty cool. But it could wait for a paragraph or two. It doesn’t have to be a slice-toss sort of thing. Especially with all the adrenaline that would be pumping through Grey’s system. Time could stand still for a minute so you could describe that death and build up the story’s back-breaking tension, thus putting the reader right up there with Grey, in that room with him, fighting for his life. This goes for everything Grey does, not just one back-bend. Finding himself in the darkness, shuffling around for his helmet, why he’s so devoid of emotion after just having brain matter on his face, hell even back in chapter one when he was looking at the guy with his face half ripped off.

In fact, there’s a lot of expansion that could be added, more than just describing physical things, but actions themselves, rather than it just feeling like your checking off movements from a list. “He did this. Then he did that. Now he’s over here.” There’s so much more that could be given. How did he do it? Was he nervous about it? What were his facial features? Did his hands shake? Were they steady? It’s more than just the what and the who. It’s the how and the why as well. And no, you don’t have to spell it out all the time, but there has to be clues at least. I mean, I think I know how Grey is feeling based on how I’ve seen other people react in books and movies, but I don’t’ know for sure. Because Grey isn’t every other book or movie character. He’s your character. And you have to mold him for us.

You get there sometimes, but just more. Like the difference between pointing at something and actually touching it. You’re so close, but just… not quite there.

I hope it doesn’t seem like I’m picking on you. I don’t mean to if that’s how it comes off. I feel like I’m mentioning this a lot already but, it’s really the only issue I find so I just keep expanding on it and expanding on it because I find it time and time again. It’s really the only problem I find with this piece, is the lack of emotional connection. Everything else, I enjoy. Dialogue is fairly realistic (with a slight comic-booky air to it) and descriptions, as I’ve said, are just wow. It’s just this one thing, but (to me, at least) it’s a pretty big thing. So I’ll stop bringing it up every time I see it (or, more accurately, don’t see it), but yeah, so far, that’s my only major issue.

(p.s. Haha, are Tarot cards really that ancient and archaic? My aunt uses them all the time. I picked that up as soon as I saw chapter titled the Hierophant.)

I was pretty happy with this chapter until this line:

Andrew peeked over the rubble to receive a hail fire of bullets. He crashed back down to the ground writhing in pain; one of the bullets had been lodged in his left shoulder.

Until this point the description was great and you did a spectacular job putting the reader in the scene, building the momentum, piling on the stress, everything was perfect and I was in Grey's shoes and I was nervous as fuck.

Then, the above line was kind of a buzz kill. I can't quite place it but it just breaks flow. Not as far a syntax but probably because of the kind of halt in pace. Like "oh, yeah, btw, he got shot here, lol." Not that you need to go into detail of the angle the bullet pierced his flesh and exactly how the blood bubbled up and all this nitty-gritty specific stuff, but a little more than "he fell down because there was a bullet in his shoulder" would help and keep that pacing you had for the first half of the chapter.

After that, though, it was fine. I was pretty happy. I especially liked this paragraph:

Andrew couldn’t see around the room he was in except for the entrance, which was lit by a low hanging light bulb. Improper use of electricity, if I find the people who dwell here it is an automatic seven-year sentence. Focus Andrew focus! he screamed in his head.

It got to me, and is a nice way to reel in the tension a little while also reminding the reader Grey is still a novice and his brain is still in the theoretics of "Judging" (or whatever you would call it) rather than actual practice.

The only thing I have left to mention is: I'll repeat what I said about chapter one, though. Grey's reactions are important, don't skirt around them! He's not going to not feel anything pulling a bullet out of his shoulder. Sometimes the reaction is more important than the action itself. Talk about how he grit his teeth or squinted his eyes up to keep from shedding tears (generally, I find that physical reactions are more effective than spelling out exactly what the character is thinking). Anything to express that he felt something. It reminds the reader he's human and helps them relate to him.

Your descriptions of physical things are wonderful but emotionally, there's something lacking as far as what’s going on inside the Grey’s head in my opinion.

I like the way you open the story, talking about the cannons that protect Mega City One from the outside world and relating them to Judge Andrew Grey dealing with the inside. It's a nice way to metaphorically zoom in on the picture you're painting, going from big to little. The execution, though, I felt could have been a little more seamless. Your first sentence builds up for this epic description and instead you immediately give up and cut right to the judges, then even with the judges we don't get much of a description before Grey is brought in and it's off to the next segment. A more fluid transition (a more prolonged transition) would help set the mood for your story better and definitely shouldn't be overlooked, even if the story is about one novice Judge, not the entire world, it still helps set the scene, especially for readers unfamiliar with the world of Judge Dredd.

He rolls over and sits up on the edge of bed groaning at the sound of reveille, some traditions never die even after a nuclear apocalypse.
I don't know why but I liked this a lot. It has a sarcastic, comedic bite it, which is nice and keeps the story from becoming too dour and dismal. I like how it gives a bit more to the mood than you've had so far, making things a tad less stiff. I can picture the annoyance on Grey's face at hearing the tune and I still don't even know anything about him yet, but this line is just the perfect, first, little glimpse into that.

he scar that runs from the corner of his left light blue eye over his lip
Mentioning Grey's eye color here clogs up the sentence a bit too much, don't you think? If you're describing his scar, focus on the scar. It's distracting to bring up another feature while you're in the middle of describing one. It would be far easier to wait til a later time to mention his eye color or just give them their own sentence all together. It messes with the flow, and well, just based off syntax, by putting emphasis on his left eye being blue, it also makes it seem like the other eye isn't, but you don't mention it again to clear things up, so that's a bit confusing.

As far as the violence of the chapter, I think you painted a wonderful picture and I really got the full effect of the carnage from the description you gave. That part was wonderful.

What I would have liked to see more of was Grey's reaction to it. Yes, adrenaline probably would have played a part in his reaction (or lack there of) but as far as his emotion, everything was a little muted and as I reader, I would have liked to get into his head a little more and see him ticking. Even describing more of physical reactions would do fine to convey this, I think.

Sorry for taking so long. I’m such a procrastinator. But anyway. Let's get to it, shall we?

Alrighty. Considering the word count, these seem like pretty dense chapters, so I'm sure I'll have a lot to say about each one. I'll have a separate comment for each chapter because this entire thing is going to come down to about 3000 words all added up. So sorry that it's upside down.

I won't be looking for grammatical/spelling errors simply because it's an unfinished story and you can fix these things with editing (unless it stands out too painfully to go unnoticed), but I will point out glaring distractions in syntax. I'll try not to be too nit-picky but we'll see where this goes. If you want me to go through again and edit spelling, I'll be happy to help, but that's not what these comments will be about.

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I'm sure the layout has changed since you asking me to review this or at least the banner changed and I've got to say, I like the change. I especially enjoy the banner, but the over all vibe of the layout is great and is a great mood-setter. Based on my limited knowledge of Judge Dredd (the movie + special features from the Blue-ray), the grudgy aspect fits the Judge Dredd world, I think.

My only problem with it is personally, I'm not a fan of shadow beneath text (or really shadow on layouts in general) so seeing it under the chapter links is a little distracting and bothersome, but easily overlooked.

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I'm not a big fan of the "This is the main character. This is what he's going to be doing. Can he do it or not?" format of a summary simply because it's a little over used and sounds like the trailer for some cheesy movie that flopped so they play it on daytime television ("In a world... *don don don*"), but that being said, I'm still rather intrigued. It has a cheesy, hand-molded comic book feel to it, but, hey, Judge Dredd is a comic book, so what are you going to do? I would just prefer that the mold be broken a little and it isn't so much of a comic book you put to words but your own body of work.

Despite that, you effectively drew me in, making me curious about Andrew Grey and how the case relates to him (...at the same time uncovering a crime that hits close to home.).

Aesthetically, I think it would look prettier if you centered the three quotes at the beginning. This is just a little nuance, but I think it's just more pleasing to the eye to have the quotes centered. Also, I think, but I could be wrong, that the speaker of each quote doesn't have to be italicized like the actual quote is. But I'm not 100& positive on this.

Hey :-) I'm here to return the comment swap.

I like the layout, it compliments the story.

The the story itself from what I have read thus far was well done in description, it paints a very vivid picture and from what I know of Judge Dredd, which isn't much other than the comic and movie done in the 90's, I'd say this came out well. To me, it seems realistic and everything done is rather punctual and straight to it. The grammar is perfect and so are the sentence structures. The chapters are long, but longer stories give you more to work with when reviewing.

Grey seems like a milder character compared to Dredd, who does come up rather the ass. Proper sentence structure or failing as one of the rules would have me afraid to speak lol. As I've read on the story really pulls you in and I really like it's direction. I'm a very slow reader (or very fast at times if I don't like what I'm reading, but your story isn't the case at all) so for me to read all the chapters will take time given how long they are but I do fully intend on reading all the chapters you guys have as I really am interested in seeing what happens, so I've subscribed and I cannot wait to read more. I'm going to continue on and will review again!

Comment swap. I'm going to review chapter one, though I know nothing about the fandom you're writing in, so hopefully things will still make sense.

For starters, I do like your title. It seems like it fits very well, and doesn't seem cliché or overly expected at the same time. As for the description, however.... eh. It's a bit lacking. It seems like you give the reader everything they need to know, rather than hooking them in and making them intrigued. And the rhetorical question at the end is overdone all the time, and not very original. The layout seems fine, except the background does sort of give me a headache. The links to your chapters are also a bit irritating.

Now then, for the actual writing. I've noticed quite a few grammar mistakes (such as here, where there should be a comma after however: However the cannons would be nothing if not for the people that helped contain the city's crime rate.)

Your writing is very detailed, but one of the things I would work on is fixing your opening paragraph. A hook matters more than detail when you're first starting out, and this just doesn't intrigue me. The details are nice, but they don't leave you with a sense of curiosity or wonderment. I feel like this describes the entire first four paragraphs, as they feel completely and utterly useless and unneeded.

The first part of the actual story isn't much of a hook, either. Starting a story off by waking someone up is very overdone and quite common.

One thing I noticed reading the first 10 or 15 paragraphs was that you tell the reader too much. Such as here: Andrew stands up and cracks his back as a chill runs down his spine, cadet's rooms are kept either freezing cold or blazing hot to train them to survive in any situation.. Rather than immediately detail why he's so cold, try working it in more subtly and with more detail. Perhaps something like:

Andrew stands up and cracks his back as a chill runs down his spine. The biting cold atmosphere of the room shakes him to his core, numbing his very bones. He shakes it off, however, knowing that the rooms are kept this way for a reason..

I would also try to do this when you're adding in character descriptions, throwing in a detail throughout the story rather than giving it all to the reader at once; make them feel as if they've earned it.

I really don't have much else to say than that. I feel like if you worked on what I've said, as well as trying to avoid clichés more often, your writing would be near-perfect.

You asked me to comment on this, and I shall!

I can't say idea of your story really interests me, just like how some people don't like fanfiction or whatever, but that's not to say you're not a great author, because you are. Your characters feel so real, almost as if they are real people, and I like that. I've read too many stories where the character is just some carbon copy of another story, and that's a turn off. You have such an amazing use of your vocabulary, and the way you describe things is spot-on. I enjoyed reading this, even if it usually isn't my cup of tea.

I really love this!

I have to admit, I don't know much about Judge Dredd, but you wrote this in a way that anyone could enjoy it. I thought that was really cool. I really liked all your characters. They all feel really well written and fleshed out. Another thing I liked was the way you describe things. You have a wide use of vocabulary. It makes the way you describe things sound very eloquent.

zOMG I think I might actually be in love right now!

I loved the 2012 Dredd reboot and I'm currently working my way through all of the comics too (and falling in love with them at the same time) but it never occurred to me that anyone would write Dredd fanfiction. In honesty, I came across your story purely by chance, but when I saw Judge Dredd in your banner I decided I'd see what you had to say, and WOW.

I found a few scenes a little reminiscent of the 2012 movie, but I love how your story stays true to the comics with the level of violence and violence related gore involved. It's wonderful! It's fantastically written and I'm super-excited to see where your Judge Grey will be taking us next .