Judgement Day - Comments

I'm not sure what else I can say about your actual writing because its amazing, this chapter flows really well with the others and the action again was awesome, great description and dialogue, completely flawless!

Alright, I finally caught up on this. Phew! You're a very good, descriptive writer. I typically don't read things like these, but I felt like as I was reading... a movie was going on in my head. If you know what I mean. (Hopefully I don't sound crazy...)
And I didn't find the last chapter to be weak, at all! I thought it was very good.

Ok this story was already off to a winning start with me because of the summary quotes (Hunter S. Thompson is my favourite author.) The summary itself is clean and precise.
I have to admit, I'm not overly familiar with the world of Dredd, compared to other comics, but that didn't even matter while I was reading this. You've written this in a way which allows newbies to learn about this world, while not overloading on information -which could also bore seasoned Dredd fans.
I also really enjoy your writing style. It's kind of real-time, if I'm allowed to call it that. It's brilliant, and completely different to how most people write. It really makes it easy to picture the scene I'm reading. I lose focus easy, but it wasn't an issue with this story so I have to thank you for that!

Yeah, that's a good thing too.

I have to say I've never seen the movie(s), but I have heard of them, so, I have heard of them. I really love how descriptive you are and the fact that the Andrea really looks up to Dredd is really awe-inspiring. So far it seems like Andrew's just learning the ropes, but then again, if I read the first chapter right, he is a beginner. I'm glad that you reccommended this story to me. I'm really enjoying it. I shall read the second chapter soon. :)

@ Grump Bunny
Thank you. I figured everyone wanted to know what they actually looked like.

Oh no, checking it out now. Oh wow I love how in detail you went, that's badass.

@ Grump Bunny
Glad you liked it, did you see the new characters tab?

I don't blame June at all for taking off her heels. Walking up or down stairs in heels? Hell. Pure hell. Idk why we wear them. Idc how good they make your arse and legs look Lol, 'slap you and call you my hoe?' /dead/

lmao. OMG I LOVE YOU. That was the most awesome way to get that into your story. It really does sound like an interesting slang to use.

Oh wow... What. Culverton is messed up. :( Poor June. I can't wait until they do whatever they have to do to bring that guy down.

Temperance: This chapter is awesome, you have a gift of being able to transport your reader to the scene which is always good (This may just be me) Good job

I have to say, I love the accent you gave Judge Stallion, and how you typed it out. It really did a good job painting his character as a whole. June is an awesome character. :o

I have no idea what Judge Dredd is, but I quite enjoyed reading this. It reminds me of Sin City because of the corruption and laws and whatnot. It's interesting to think about how stories like this are a reflexion of reality and at what point is the world close to becoming like this.

Your writing is easy to read and follow, the story nicely worded and has a fast pace that is perfect for this vibe.

Well done, you.

Okay, so I've never really read anything to do with Judge Dredd before and I've never seen the film so I was a tad confused at first. But after the first few paragraphs It started to become clear to me what was going on. Apart from the mistakes that others have commented on I don't see anything wrong with the story.

You use a very wide range of vocabulary (I even had to google a few words, just to see what they meant.) Although using a range of vocabulary is a good thing I suggest maybe putting in definitions for some words in the authors note just in case some people, like me, don't quite understand what they mean. Although that's only a suggestion.

One thing I suggest you change though is the font colour, it's probably just me but after awhile it starts to hurt my eyes when looking at it.

Courtney :)

Wow I absolutely love this, Judge Dredd isn't really my thing but the description makes it easy for me to create images in my head which is always a good thing in my opinion, you use a wide range of vocabulary but you don't make it so that people can easily get confused which is good overall this is a amazing, action packed story :) very much a fan of this :)

The little interaction with Yvaine is awesome. I already love her character, yep, badass. I loved the touch of italics for what the signs would represent, that was very neat. How gruesome, "the heat seeking bullet went down his throat, his skin started to crack and peel apart as it heated up." wow at the imagery. Nope, I would be cracking under pressure if I had to ride in an elevator like that. Ah, vertigo elevator, that's lovely.

Hm... I'm not too familiar with mystical practices, and not sure if it counts as one, but the titles remind me of the names of different tarot cards. I'm not even sure if I've hit even close.
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I'm loving the characters of this story. D: No, Yvaine! Ew, the spider things sound really creepy. I can't even handle normal little real spiders, nope. This was a great chapter and I can't wait to read more of the upcoming arc.

So by now this is a really belated Easter present, but it's one in the morning and life's finally decided to give me a break... so here I am.

First off: I really like your introductory paragraph. Already your extensive vocabulary is visible and you've set up an intriguing and illusive storyline, which seems to be very different to anything I've read. You haven't given much away, so already I'm wondering what caused the Cursed Earth to come to such chaos and disaster.

Ah... nuclear apocalypse. Explained that one. groaning at the sound of reveille, some traditions never die even after a nuclear apocalypse. <-- I'd put a semi-colon after 'reveille', just to make things flow a bit better.

Your writing's very well structured and very straight-forward, which is really enjoyable. I like the way you're setting up the suspense while also hinting at something bigger -- even just the interactions between Andrew and Judge Chive hints at something foreboding in the world.

I think it's a nice point of characterisation to have him looking up to his idols and wanting to do them proud. Just little things like that add depth to your characters so they're a good thing to include. And now Judge Dredd is introduced, and I'm enjoying the interactions between him and Andrew as well.

Okay, getting graphic. And thank God you do that well; nothing's worse than badly written violence, especially in a story that's centred around it.

Andrew peaked around the rubble <-- should be 'peeked', I think. Just a little typo!

The air was rank with the smell of burning flesh as it melted off the block citizen’s bones. <-- I love how brash and morbid your descriptions are. It really makes for such a unique writing style and goes along with the ominous tone of the story. You're great at writing action as well, and that's something that can be hard to do for a lot of authors.

Overall this is an extremely interesting plot with fluid language and articulate prose. You've set up a powerful story with an intriguing protagonist, and I love the foreboding tone that seems to be present at all points in the story. Well done!

Yep, I'm back to this story because I wanted to read further and well, two birds one stone? Already the very first paragraph is so very graphic. The thing that you are describing is making me nauseous. It's so awesome.I love how descriptive you are. >_< One of my biggest fears is spiders and... just the thought of being able to hear anything even spider like scurrying off in the dark sends a chill right up my back. Ew, brain matter.

These kind of stories aren't my forte, but I read the first chapter and enjoyed it a lot :) The first few sentences confused me a bit - I'm not sure why, but maybe you could re-phrase it or something.

"Over the Rocky Mountains and past the mutants tribes inhabiting the radioactive Cursed Earth lies the giant walls of Mega City One. Earth shattering artillery take their place inside the walls, ready to fire upon the horrors that threaten the safety of the sprawling metropolis."

The language in this is really great (like 'sprawling metropolis' and 'earth shattering artillery'), but the line that caught me out was; "Earth shattering artillery take their place inside the walls." It just feels a little awkward to read, and I had to read it over a few times to fully understand it.

This doesn't really effect much, but I think there should be a hyphen between 'earth' and 'shattering'.

I love the language you use throughout, but I think what is letting you down is your sentence structure/punctuation. I know that sounds like a cop-out, but it really disrupts the flow of the story and doesn't emphasize what it should. Like this;

"Andrew hears the sound of the bugle awaken him from sleep at four o'clock in the morning. He rolls over and sits up on the edge of bed groaning at the sound of reveille, some traditions never die even after a nuclear apocalypse."

I think you should have a semi-colon rather than a comma after reveille - it seems really small but when I read it everything seems pretty rushed, like the sentences roll into one another. A semi-colon separates everything out neatly :D

But that's the only criticism I can give you. The language is great, the dialogue is believable, and the descriptions are lovely. :) My favorite excerpt would have to be this;

"Andrew's hand reached out, the tips of his fingertips touch the warm metal. His hand wraps around the bar, the rest of his body continues forward, nearly wrenching his arm out of his socket. A howl of pain escapes from his throat and he drops behind cover. Years of training at the academy strengthening and toughing him up but that had still hurt. Arm nearly wrenched out of his socket as he heard a fleshy popping sound. Gritting his teeth as he fought through the momentary pain."

The description is detailed and vivid, especially the phrase 'howl of pain' and 'fleshy popping sound' (the second example makes me feel nauseated just to type it. Then again, that was the intended effect).

Anyway, I would recommend this but I believe I already have from a previous freebie blog.

Wow, this was a completely action packed chapter. I thoroughly enjoyed it too, it was like watching a movie, the scenes go by so fast, if that makes any kind of sense at all. That popping sound makes me cringe whenever I hear anything like that in real life, I hate the noise of something popping in or out of socket. Sounds so very painful. Wow that was an awesome chapter. :o

I can't say that I've ever really read a story like this. Even with my lack of information on what it's from it's very interesting. I love the concept, and I love the flow of the story. The descriptions are really good, like how you explained the noise the door made when it shut. I have to say some writers on here simply don't give enough description. Wow, poor civilian got ran over. Well, that's one hell of a first day. This is an awesome story.