March 26th, 2013 at 12:28pm
Sorry for such a late comment, but these prizes are taking a while to get through with so much going on. I'm cutting down on my comment sizes too since it takes such a long time to get through everything I have to comment on.
I've only seen Rise of the Guardians once, but it was enough to really get attached to Jack and love his character. For someone who hasn't seen the film yet (or hadn't at this time) you really captured his personality. He's always trying to get involved with the fun and games, but he's still caring and loving despite all that.
I also thought I wasn't going to be a fan of your OC since I'm incredibly picky about them, but I was really surprised when I actually liked her character and the background around her.
The plot was fluffy and sweet, and I really enjoyed this :)
I'm a sucker for Jack Frost. Add in the right amount of fluff and this piece of work is a winner. 
I chose this story for the commenting because I love Jack Frost. I actually went into a phase or something because of the movie. Yes I got attracted to an animation, judge me. Moving on, I'd like to start off with the layout. It's nice, clean and simple. Next, your writing. There were enough details for me to imagine the whole scene. You were also able to explain the relationship of Roslyn and Jack quite well. From childhood playmates, to confidants, to...? I'd like to assume lovers but what if? I would have liked it better if you described how Roslyn looked like. It helps me imagine the character more. Sometimes they appear as one white figure.
I'm impressed that you were able to capture Jack's character. For someone who hasn't seen the movie yet (when you were writing this), you did a good job. The winking part was the final blow to it all honestly. I could imagine him doing it and ugh. I liked the fluff parts. It was charming.
For the sentence structures and whatnot, I see that everything is in the same tense. Some people have the tendency to switch tenses while writing a sentence but you stayed consistent. In parts such as ... something along the lines of: “Don’t be silly, Billy. What would Jack Frost be doing at a Halloween carnival? would it be better to put a colon? Or am I wrong?
I really enjoyed reading your story, the plot had an easy flow. It's hard to find Jack Frost fanfiction so I'm surprised that you actually wrote one. Your writing is absolutely great so don't stop! :)