Off to the Races - Comments

Okay, I don't even know how I found this, but the thing is that I did, and now I am hooked! Please keep going with this amazing work! Can't wait to see what happens next!

xxxx

Perfect. I can't wait to read more(:

Ah, I absolutely love this! The characters are great - developed and believable. Also, I'm a huge Lana fan so this story of yours gets definite brownie points. The subject matter is wonderful. It's unique and something I don't see often on Mibba or in general. It's something I feel like I've been searching for forever but have never been able to find. But what I love most of all is how you've given this modern world a fantastic 50's-ish vibe. It's brilliant. It's the same vibe Lana's songs give me so I'm so pleased to see that you've been able to pull it off! With a few grammatical corrections throughout the piece, I think it would be nearly perfect! It seems there are a bunch of directions in which this story could go and it makes me really excited to read more! Great job! I've subbed and recced and I really hope you update this soon!

Firstly, I’d like to say that I like the cleanliness of the layout; the banner is pretty and most importantly it’s readable. I love the monochrome design to it, though.

Chapter One: In the first sentence, It was one of those nights, were the smell… ‘Were’ should be ‘where’. The way you’ve set the scene is something to marvel at, I like that the audience can picture it in their mind as they’re reading it. As Emily is introduced, I’ve immediately taken a liking to her. She’s sassy but interesting. Elizabeth doesn’t give much of an impression, but I’m guessing we’ll get to know her better in the later chapters. However, the way you’ve set up the story so far is intriguing.

Chapter Two: The whole idea of underground fighting is captivating, an idea that I haven’t really seen in stories before so it’s interesting how you’ve managed to make this story different from others here on Mibba. I like the rules that Elizabeth/Lucy have established, it’s realistic which is another thing so refreshing to see. The ending with Elizabeth betting on Hardy that he’d win and then turning into a machine was awesome; I love that he can be bought by a drink and a pretty woman. Can’t wait to read their future interaction.

Chapter Three: In a sense, the interaction between Elizabeth and Lucy didn’t make sense to me. I understood that Lucy could be careless with her words but then when she understood a look that Elizabeth gave her, she could comprehend. I feel like she should understand completely or not understand at all, if that makes sense. The conversation between Hardy and Elizabeth definitely grabbed my attention, and I loved how they were both kind of sassy to each other.

Chapter Four: One thing that had been on my mind for a while was the old fashioned, sort of 50’s era based story set in modern times, is that how the story is set? If so, it’s very fitting to the 50’s. As for the dialogue, I could totally see it in my head, how the pair start off as cordial but then he goes into his life story and of course, he pretends to not be interested in her. But the tension between Hardy and Elizabeth was hot, haha. It’ll be interesting to see how it all comes to a head in future chapters. The way you ended it was brilliantly done, and I’ll be curious to see how the next few chapters pan out.

As an ending note, sorry I took so long but I hope this helps :)

I really liked this with the underground fighting ring and all, I thought it was very interesting. You also have really good descriptions and developed characters. It's very interesting to see all that you've come up with being inspired by a song. A line from this story I really loved was ''It was magic. It was dirty. It was the beginning of something, something horribly wonderful." Really great job! Can't wait to see what happens next!

Can't wait to see where this goes!