Secret Hung the Gold - Comments

Hello, Hello! I was brought here by comment swap.

I like the layout it's a little bright, but other then that it's good, I can read without getting a head-ache which is always a plus.

Now I was a little iffy with this one. I honestly didn't think I was going to like it. I kinda seemed like the usual cliche good girl meets bad boy and they fall in love and she changes him for the better and all that good stuff. This story is definitely that, but I like it. You're a good writer and I like your style. I would recommend that you re read everything that you write because I do see spelling and grammar errors here and there.

I've only read the first couple chapters so I'm not exactly sure what happens, but I would say that if you don't want it to be like every other story then don't be afraid to spice it up.

All in all it's a lovely story. Keep on Writing!

Comment Swap

The banner for this is so cute, I've always wanted to be like that with a guy. Such a simple layout and yet it says all it needs to say about this story without giving every detail away.

I will say that generally while I don't like the stories that go back and forth between one of the character thoughts and then to another between chapters because I generally have a hard time following it, but yours seems to flow nicely. I love the forbidden romance between this because even though it seems based off of Romeo and Juliet, it seems very loosely based off of it, which I do love how much it shifts from that. I like that the main characters are so easy to fall in love with and so easy to relate to. I love how Ernesto calls Ariel princess.

The only thing that I would change if this were my story would be the amount of detail. I sometimes felt a little disconnected from the story because I couldn't really picture myself in that scene. And I don't claim to be the best at this either, I am just now learning that more details are better and break up the story. That's the only real critique I have for this story and it wasn't a mega issue, just a little one for me in some areas, but all in all, good job!

(from the comment swap tab)

I love the layout. It's so simple, but cute at the same time. It's perfect. :)

I love romances from the get-go. They're my guilty pleasure. But I love even more the Romeo & Juliet-y feel of this with the forbidden romance. I love your details as well. They're used well. I hate reading stories that have irrelevant details just to fill in space, but I feel like you plan out every detail because you know it's important. Also, I really like how you do a different POV for each chapter. This sort of thing should rarely rarely rarely be done. (although it's used all over mibba). But I think it's really useful for a forbidden romance.

Well done.

Comment Swap

I love the layout, especially the banner, it’s so pretty. :) You also have a lot of great details. You describe both character’s so well in their daily life. I also like how you made Ariel’s mother such a big part of Ariel’s memories without explaining what happened to her. I’m guessing she died, but she could have also left. I especially like chapter 12 where Ariel and Ernesto think about how the other’s life is, and how deceiving looks could be. By the way what is up with the English teacher and what she has against Ariel? Anyways great story!

Oh i like it! It reminded me of Romeo and Juliet, except less sad! Please write more!!!! :)

I really like this so far. Ariel and Ernesto are really believable and likeable characters, and their chemistry is really well done and interesting. I’ve seen too many authors take the “good girl and bad boy” plot and make it super cliché, but the way you handle it is realistic and very enjoyable. They both seem so real, Ernesto especially, and I really like how they’re deeper than the “good girl” and “bad boy” tropes. Great job with this!

Only read the prologue so far but I had to comment to tell you how incredible your writing is! I always see people on here who are pretty good, but I think you are amazing. Love the good girl, bad boy idea. Every good girls dream! Keep this up! I am definatly going to see this story through to the end and see what else you have for me to enjoy :D (Subscribed already!)

(Comment Swap)

Very interesting story so far. The setting kinda reminds me of where I live which is nice as I can relate. I grew up in the ghetto and later moved to "nicer" areas have heard all about the stereotypes and derogatory sayings. It's nice to read a story that sort of addresses these issues. Your characters seem well developed so far.

One thing I would recommend is to space out the paragraphs a bit. It makes it a bit easier to read so it is not so much as a giant block of texts. I also really like your layout. A nice personalized layout makes it set the mood and be drawn into the story. At least for me!

[Comment swap].

What a classic forbidden romance - I love it. Your writing style is unique and engaging and I'm intrigued as to how the rest of the story will unfold. Just a minor suggestion - double spacing paragraphs can make a block of text easier for the eye to read. Also makes your chapters seem longer. KEEP IT UP!

Comment swap.

When I do comment swap, it's such a relief to come across a story that I actually want to subscribe to (which I have!).

I really like stories where the protagonists have such different backgrounds, but are drawn to each other despite it. It's so much more interesting than a paring where they just seemed obviously made for each other haha

I really liked the prologue. It set the scene really well, and it's definitely what pulled me in.

My only suggestion is that you space out your text more, so that it's easier on the eye and easier to read.

Apart from that, great writing. Can't wait for the next chapter!

@ jade lestrange.
Thanks. That was kind of the feel I was going for.
OH and I appreciate your saying that. That is why I am doing the comment swap thing. So more people can see my work. Thanks again and there is a new update on the way.

Comment swap -

I get a very "Romeo and Juliet" feel off this story, which is awesome. I love forbidden romances like this. I love Ariel's character. In a way, she actually reminds me of the mermaid and her father is King Triton, telling her to stay away from land, haha. I like how well you can transition between chapters and character's POV's, not many writers can do that.
Good job so far, your story is severely under recommended and commented on.

@ Lydia Martin.
I am really happy that you got Ariel's character, because at times I doubted her. But, I am glad that my hard work paid off. And I am currently working on the next chapter so it is very near! Thanks a bunch!!!

Comment swap.

I love how well written this entire story is, and I really like how well you transition between chapters and have each one change POV's but it isn't sloppy so it doesn't get confusing or hard to follow. And it reminds me a lot of Romeo/Juliet only modern day and not overdone. The way you write Ariel's character is really nice, she isn't perfect and doesn't try to act like she is, and she knows that her life is far from perfect but doesn't feel the need to share that with everyone. I feel like she's kind of adventurous like Ariel from The Little Mermaid, but also quiet and timid afraid of what could happen if she went against what her father wants. The Little Mermaid was always one of my favorite movies growing up and I was actually reminded a lot of the story in a sense as I read it, which only made me overall love the story more. Overall it's a great story and I'm totally planning on subscribing and awaiting more chapters just to see where Ariel and Ernesto's relationship goes. Because I'm interested in seeing how it's going to blossom, and I like where it is while I await more :)

I really like this, I'm so curious to where it's gonna go and how things will work out. I hope the updates come often :)

@ a woman's conscience
Thanks. I appreciate this a lot!!! I will update soon.

This seems cute. A Tony-Maria/Romeo-Juliet type romance. But more 21st century, I like it! I'll subscribe, update soon! I'm curious. :) Oh and your intro, quick typo "If dad found out...He'd KILL me." Only thing that really stood out to me.