hey! so i saw you asked me to check this out! so i did! it's not bad, and the more you write the better you'll get at it, trust me. practice makes perfect. she calls him osito like jace does! he is a teddy bear. i guess my suggestions is to space the layout a bit, it makes the chapter longer and it's easier to see where something starts and ends. like any time there's dialog, space it so it's forming a new paragraph almost. just look at my chapters to see what i mean. (: and like i said before, the more you write the better you get. because trust me when i say i used to be the shittiest of shit shit authors. seeing where i'm at now is amazing but i still have a lot of improvements to make too haha!