April 4th, 2014 at 05:51pm
I really like the way this is written in mostly short, straightforward sentences. There's a real beauty to its simplicity. I love the lack of extraneous description or background information and how you just focused on their actions. It made the story really powerful in my opinion.
The last line was just amazing. I like how honest and real this piece feels. It has such an unapologetic vibe that just makes it wonderful to read. The way you describe the feelings and motions of a one night stand is truly brilliant.
pressing indents hardhard into his skin
There's just an extra hard in this sentence I noticed.
Your writing style is fantastic. There's really not much I can do but gush over how stunning this story is. It just all flows naturally together and I like that it's a slash as well. It's probably one of the best slashes I've read on Mibba.
Gorgeous piece. That is pretty much all I need to say. Everything written is on a need to know basis and you give your MCs so much character with so few words. You use little things like ‘laughs bitterly like there’s a story to it’ and it just works so well.
The writing is loose and easy to read; it flows really well and at times I can read it like poetry which just makes it sound more beautiful. There are too many lines in this piece which stand out for me to pick a favourite but I love your style of writing so again, thank you for writing this gorgeous piece :)