Dead Letters. - Comments

I’m here to judge for the ‘A Heart Break Is Different Each Time Writing Contest’.

So I think this was a really well-written story. The prose was nice and very poetic, I definitely picked up on the heartbreak and pain that Scott was feeling, and I was definitely interested in the backstory of them both – especially Elizabeth. What with the poem in the beginning, I was intrigued because I wanted to know what exactly she meant.

But… I didn’t get that. In fact, I don’t actually know what happened? I would assume that Elizabeth died, based on the title and some of the narrative that seems to hint towards that. It’s never said flat out what happened or why Scott is so heartbroken—which, it doesn’t always have to be said flat out but none of the hints are very distinctive either. I also don’t think it helped that you dated one of the letters, said that it felt like yesterday, but I have no idea just how long ago this particular letter was. I think this also threw me off because there was talk about them wanting to divorce at some point, then about infertility ‘four months ago’? The overall timeline felt incomplete, honestly. I wasn’t sure what Scott was talking about, I wasn’t sure what happened to Elizabeth, and I don’t know their story. It almost felt like you got so caught up in the prose, you forgot to tell the readers what had happened. I understood and comprehended that Scott was heartbroken because something happened, but that’s it.

I also felt like there wasn’t as much significance to the poem in the beginning as maybe you wanted there to be, because it did feel like it was meant to be a big part of the story. I thought it would make sense by the time I was finished reading, but I was still as confused in the end as I was in the beginning. If I try to analyze between the lines, it also leads me to think Elizabeth is dead, but how did she die? Did she know she was going to die and that’s why she wrote that to Scott? Because it seems to foreshadow something. The presence of it alone seems significant, but I can’t see what it is because I don’t feel like I got the whole story. I’m really just assuming and I could easily be wrong.

I would have liked to have understood the story more than just be pleased with how well-written it was in prose. Though, at times, you tend to have run-on sentences that I had to read twice to fully get it because I’d get distracted. Such as: Of course, the time had taken its toll on the letter, and Scott's salt-ridden tears had pitched in a great amount as well, dampening and drifting down to the floor, freezing the flimsy shards before they crashed into the midwinter blanket. This felt like a clumsy sentence and was extremely distracting. Maybe try a comma or try breaking it into two sentences; that way, readers don’t get distracted by the length of one sentence and have to reread things. I’m pretty guilty of run-on sentences myself though, so I wouldn’t feel too bad.

Overall—though I can see how it wouldn’t seem like it—I really did enjoy this story. Your prose was very beautiful and consistent, you portrayed Scott’s pain and heartbreak very well, and to be honest, I do think this could make an intriguing beginning to a story. Lovely job!

@ MrBlackwaterPark
I think it's great

@ Soy un Dorito!
You make it sound much better than it actually is...thank you for your sincere comments :)

This is absolutely amazing. With such a small amount of words, you are able to make my heart sink. It's an incredibly sad story, but all these emotions are so intense and the way you write is just powerful, like the other commenter mentioned. Also, the poem is breath taking. You, my friend, are a great writer.

@ Jaii
Thanks :)

This was really powerful, i enjoyed reading it and I must admit it brought tears to my eyes. :') The letters as well as the paragraphs were well written and even as short as it is it allows the reader to get a sense of the people within the story. Great work.