May 30th, 2017 at 02:37am
I love stories about soldiers and war (I'm kind of weird that way) and I was super-excited to read this when I realised what it was about! It may sound horrible and sadistic, but I'm actually glad you chose to have him die in combat because I see so many stories where the guy comes back and everything is fine but that's often not the reality and I think that does add to the realism of this piece. Again, I'm not a massive believer in the afterife but I thought the touch at the end where she knew that her husband wouldn't leave her side was so sweet! The wedding ring in the letter was so cute as well, it's one of those things that in a dangerous time for himself, her husband sat and thought of her. I'd like to think that his last thoughts were of his wife and that they were happy thoughts. The fact that he came back to her and pushed the letter towards her just cements that even more. You can tell how much he loved her even though we don't get to actually meet him properly and I think that's a really impressive thing to do through a piece of writing as short as this one is in parts.
Again, lovely job!
I will admit that I don’t often read war fiction – mostly because it makes me sad and I just don’t like war at all. But I really enjoyed this story a lot. I feel like you definitely executed this concept wonderfully and well.
Chapter one was very well-written and emotional. I felt the horror and shock when the narrator read the newspaper headline, and then I felt the sorrow and heartbreak of it being confirmed that her husband was dead. The moment I definitely felt it was when she threw the last bit of her husband she had left in the fireplace in anger, even though there wasn’t a fire yet. It was the action itself, really. It was a very heartbreaking chapter. The only little bit of criticism I have about this chapter is that the very first sentence is written awkwardly. I still remember the brusque chill that chilled my bones that December day. It wasn’t just the temperature that chilled me as I ran out to the curb to pick up my newspaper[.] The reason this read so strangely to me was because you used the word ‘chill’ three times in such a close vicinity, especially twice in the same sentence. To read “brusque chill that chilled my bones” was almost… clumsy? It took me a bit to fit into the rest of the story prose wise because it was such a strange intro. I would possibly recommend something like I still remember the brusque iciness that chilled my bones that December day. It was just the temperature that froze me as I ran out to the curb to pick up my newspaper[.] or something along those lines—just to break the use of ‘chill’ so many times back to back.
I really appreciate chapter two and the personal touch chapter two had. I really liked how he pushed the letter to her, and the whole “seeing him in the mirror” thing. It was a different kind of heartbreak in that moment, but it was sweet. Really, although it hurt, you gave me a bittersweet and beautiful closure. There was a sentence that really threw me off, however. I could feel the mood of my hubby switch from happiness to fearful. The term ‘my hubby’ feels too casual for such a serious and heavy mood. You’re writing about how there might have been a moment where he knew he was going to die and he wrote to his wife in his last moments, so using ‘hubby’ just feels so casual and careless, and really takes away from the mood and emotionality.
All in all, I thought this was a great story. It was full of a lot emotions and heartbreak, and it was very well-written. Except for those two things, your prose flows flawlessly and the simplicity of it really complimented the content itself. Wonderful job!