Time Heals All Wounds - Comments

I am so sorry this took so long for me to comment on, but this is for the Prewrites Contest.

This story surprised me in how while I was reading it, I thought it was the author’s actual story and not a piece of fiction. I even had to check it was in the original fiction section.

However, there are some things about this which need improvement. Whilst these are the ramblings of a teenager, there isn’t that much story behind it. They make a big deal out of their friends and then treat it like it’s nothing. There’s also no explanation of what is really making them suicidal, so a little more detail is needed. There are points where themes are repeated unnecessarily or where the character’s thoughts are all over the place and contradictive.

But overall it was an emotional and thoughtful piece, so thanks :)

She’s smiling, he’s calling her dear.
-I'd capitalise "dear" because it is being used as a name.

[...]telling her I’m “Up in flames," announcing "Trust issues in our little triangle.”
- I don't know it it's correct, but I'd write that like "telling her I'm "up in flames", announcing "trust issues" in our little triangle."

Not normal teenager irrational.
-I thought you were trying to say "No normal teenager is irrational", but I get it now. It just looks strange, put like that.

It's kinda confusing that the main character suggests she doesn't care about her best friend because if she did, she'd be dead, but at the same time she wants to tell him she's upset and suicidal.

Happens.
What does this mean by itself?

I’m doing this just for me. To help these bad feelings subside temporarily. So I can actually get something done for once.
Those last 2 sentences are fragments. I'd have this as one sentence.

Like admitting that I’m just a junior in high school and this will pass.
Another sentence fragment.

To give you my honest opinion, I really didn't like that. I found the character's journal to be whiny and self-obsessed. There seemed to be a lot of random ideas mushed into something and vaguely linked together by the character's depression. I was reading for a long time wondering if it was going anywhere and when I got to the end, to me, it didn't.
I get that it's a story about recovering from a very bad state and about positive change, but it didn't work for me. It wasn't poetic enough. There was nothing beautiful in the depression and the recovery, to me.

Here because of your blog. =)

Second line: "Can's she see that he's mine?" Should be "Can't". ;) Also, with "You’re not supposed to do that… right?" I would capitalise "Right?"

"So, this is me baring my soul." Pretty sure that should be "bearing", but I might be wrong.

"I should talk more, maybe. Then I could friends." That second line there doesn't make sense. There's a word missing. "Then I could make friends" maybe? I'm not sure what you meant to put there.

Also, unless this is formatting differently in your word document, I would suggest putting spaces between the paragraphs to overall make it easier on the eyes.

I think this was a decent read. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It made me think back on my high school days and how even the silliest things could be so hurtful. I think you've captured that really well.

I especially loved the lines about respecting death. "I want my death to be considered cold, emotionless, and sudden, because that is what death is meant to be, and I respect it." Absolutely beautiful.

Good luck with the contest. =)