Bay Boy - Comments

Hey! I love this, I came from comment swap, but this looks really cool. Your description is beautiful, and I feel like I immediately am comfortable getting to know everyone within the story. Character development is often hard to find, but I love the way you've done it so far. I've gotten to chapter three, but I'd love to continue reading :)) I laughed aloud at "canada boy" btw lol. And your layout is gorgeous! Very simple, but I love that about it. It's nice and subtle; and the birds are an interesting touch. Overall, I'd love to keep reading on! Thanks much :)

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Grammar and spelling is very good but it would be easier to read with a bigger font. I love the description you add to the story, makes it very easy to picture. Like the length of the chapters. The layout also was a good choice. Overall, very good story. I will definitely keep reading, (:

The paragraphs are really long- it would be easier to read if the dialogue had individual lines for each person who speaks. It looks like you did make a new paragraph in chapter 2, but the space between the paragraphs got deleted. The grammar and spelling looks good, and the layout is clean and easy to read.

Also I found that the paragraph length was very long and the font to small. I really like how your characters communicate with each other it seems very natural. Like i said before great description, I like the tone to your writing. I also like the small joked you throw through your writing . :)

I think you are talented. you use great description and the characters feel very realistic. I think that you should double space the paragraphs to make it easier to read. however it was a nice read

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I love the layout! Like seriously, the chapters are so good and lengthy. You have good details and man, you have talent! I could only read one chapter, but I'll read more when I get time.

I really enjoyed reading your story :) Well I've gotten part way through it I will read the rest when I can but really good so far, good job. The paragraphs were long but that's okay, lots of descriptions is good to have! You didn't have too many grammar errors which is good. Very good writing :) I look forward to continue reading your amazing story :D Very original as well. :)

Very descriptive and well written, well done. I didn't read the whole thing but it sounds amazing so far! I like the layout and the grammar and punctuation etc seem fine, however, maybe you should make your paragraphs shorter and maybe use a bigger font? It makes it really hard on people's eyes and also, it makes them scan through a very well written piece of writing. Just some advice :) I had the same problem don't worry.

I have to agree with Maddi, you paragraphs are very long, but other than that I like this, your layout is clear making the story easy to navigate and read, you have written this story with humor, but haven't neglected the grammar. There is a strong plot and a nice flow to this story, I like it very much.

Okay, one thing I noticed right away was that your paragraphs were long. Like really long. It made them hard to read and it was really hard on my eyes. I think if you could break your paragraphs up more it would make it easier for people to read.
I love how she got spotted as an American right away and I thought it was funny that he was only saying the big, popular cities when he was guessing where she was from.
This was really cute so far and I enjoyed reading it! I think it's going to be a really fun story!

Found this through comment swap! I really like your writing style. I also love your title...I have such trouble titling my stories its not even funny, lol. You're very descriptive. I didn't see too many grammatical errors!
Keep up the great work :)

Here from comment swap.

First of all I like your layout. It;s really nice and in keeping with the story. Your title interested me straight away, yet didn't give too much away. The actual plot is strong and original which I like. I like your style of writing and I didn't see too many grammar errors, so that's a plus. Good job.

I am not familiar with this fandom but it's good.

I like how you go through the intro how this girl reflecting on her life and her childhood.

And then I realized I missed my childhood. In admitting that I missed it, it dawned on me that it had slipped away from me as quietly as the stars fade away from the sky. It was gone and I could not get it back. I was twenty one, no longer a child.

I knew exactly how this feel because I turned 21 last month. And it's really realistic how she's feeling about the change of environment and everything. It's really good.

Your writing is beautiful as well. Keep up the good work. ^_^

I want you to continue this story, if at all posible.

Hope you keep writing this story. I love it and would hate for it to end so soon

I found this through comment swap! I liked the intro and the layout is cute :) The first chapter starts off really descriptive, but it ends up getting a little long to read at some points, so maybe watch out for that! Also look out for some of your grammatical stuff, like when Milena is speaking to Jordan you should indent and start a new paragraph when the speaker changes (you may have started doing this later on but im only on chapter 3 right now!) Other then that I think the story line is pretty good and I'm going to keep reading it! Goodluck in your future writing, hope I could help :)

@ lexwashere22
Thanks!

I like the new ending :)

@ lexwashere22
I added to chap 30 you might wanna go back and reread. Thanks!

NOOOO please don't end this early i would cry. :(. Anyway i loved this :)