Bay Boy - Comments

Hey im from comment swap, I enjoyed your first chapter though I didn't really understand who the fan fictiin was about since hockey isnt really big over here but I loved how descriptive you are and milena seems such a lovely character. I wish you lots of luck on your story. :)

@ MMM26
Yay commenter! They have some serious tension haha. Probably not for a while, maybe in a month or two. I don't think Milena's ready for Jordan to meet Peter yet, he's quite the overprotective papa.

The sexual tension is insane. When is he gonna visit her and her dad?

@ lexwashere22
Thanks lex!

good work, loved it again :)

@ lexwashere22
Thanks! Gotta love Jared :)

*comment swap*

You probably get nagged a lot about this but a layout would really, really help the reading. It'd make reading the longer chapters a little easier to read. Other than that I love this story, even though Hockey is more of a 'girl sport' in the UK and isn't really played. I love the characters and the way you describe everything about them. They're very individual to other stories I've read on this site. Keep writing :D x

i'm so excited for the next chapter. I loved Jared being in the last few chapters :)

@ lexwashere22
Why are you so awesome? You're the best!

@ AnotherBottleDown;
Aw that was the sweetest comment ever! Thank you so much :) and don't worry you didn't ramble, I appreciated every word. I'm actually writing another story right now so hopefully you'll like that one too

I think I've fallen in love with this story. And, truthfully, I have no idea why. The plot if amazing. The writing is good. There isn't so many characters where I can't keep up. I love it. It's just...gah! I don't even know what to say about it. xD
But my favorite part, is the imagery. It's beautifully written. I can imagine what everything looks like, and how everything's happening. It kind of reminds me of something I would write, y'know? Something that reminds me of my own writing. I'm rambling. xD
Anyways, I really like this. It's really cute, and adorable. I loved it, really.
I don't know how to explain it other than that. xD
You're a great writer, and I think I might even check out some of your other stories. :D
Good luck with your other stories, stories to come in the future, past stories, re-writes, whatever it is you'll do in the -hopefully- near future. c:

@ amykart
don't be sorry! you're an amazing writer, so you should share it with the world :)

@ lexwashere22
Aw thanks lex

aww that was really cute at the end. i loved it :)

Comment Swap

I'm not a fan of hockey stories at all and didn't seem to click with this story. Yea so, you have a good sense of detail and imagery. Good job I guess. This has to be 100 words or so and since I don't know what else to say, I guess I'll be honest and say that it would be nice if you had a layout so everythings not dull and boring. Also, the paragraphs get really long so try indenting and making new ones now and then.

Great details

From the comment swap.
I love your writing. It's just simply amazing. You do such a good job describing everything and throwing in details. It's the little things that you add that really bring your story to life.
I'm sure this has been mentioned before, but with your current layout, some of the longer paragraphs get harder to read. That's the only thing I can think of to fix because this is simply amazing.

@ XxAtomicAfterxX
Thank you so much! I don't really have one inspiration to write, usually I get ideas and I just go with them. I don't know, ideas just kind of pop into my head and I usually spend quite a while thinking about them and developing them. The best way to become a better writer is definitely to read a TON.

I love how I can read this and it's like watching a movie! Milena seems a little Mary Sue, which can be checked via a Mary Sue quiz, but it's not enough to distract from the great storyline. I am happy I stumbled upon this because I actually don't read stories that involve sports but your tone of writing is so smooth that I hardly notice. You have a strong writer's voice.

Heyy, comment swapper here..

Just gunna pop this in about style overall - you have some rather long paragraphs at points which can make who's speaking slightly unclear and just seem like a bit of a slog to read through.
That's just a nitpick though really.
There are also a couple of little spelling mistakes dotted around ( like we all make- I myself such at proof reading aha)

You write really well, and I can easily picture what's happening through your description and I think that's really good :)
Good luck with your writing :)