Mademoiselle Noir - Comments

Wow, okay, gorgeous layout. I'm expecting a lot of this already because I love the layout and because I am obsessed with noir. The only class I took and enjoyed in college was Film Noir.

In the first few paragraphs, you describe a perfectly noir setting. Run down, in ruins, cold and creepy, memories of a glorious past. How perfectly noir!

It's so mysterious already. Who's blood was that? Who shot K? Ah, this is so noir, I adore it already.

’s body was sprawled in a twisted and ungraceful fashion, face down in the dirt with her right arm stretched partly over her head. Her left arm was trapped under her somewhere in her awkward fall, her legs poking out into the stream of light while her torso rested in the cold shade.

This is an amazing description. I always take time to imagine just how body parts lay and twist and how it is natural and unnatural for them to be described in a story, so I really appreciate this description.

SHE ISN'T DEAD. Oh, I love the twist.

K pocketed the spent slug into her pants pocket and turned her attention to her shoulder. The pain was getting worse, and her right arm was completely useless.
Playing dead with a dislocated shoulder was a bitch.

Really enjoyed that bit, as well. Great character voice.

The fact that it is all just a game to Yunho is really interesting to me. Like when he says he thought this side game would take an hour, or when he says "Now that's more like it!" those are really telling character and plot details.

There is so much inferred back story that you don't really need to elaborate on, but it makes the story so much richer.

I'm glad K comes out on top. At least, that's how I look at it. I just really enjoyed this. You are a talented writer and this one-shot was a great take on noir.

Love the title, love the layout, and I love the summary. You've really hit all three of the things Mibbians look for to click on the chapter, so good job there.

The premise of this is great - anything high action and written well is appealing and it really is well-written. The details in K's description of her analysing the scenes around her is authentic and not overwhelming. You really do capture urgency very well. I just wanted to keep reading because it was so intense.

The banter between Yunho and K is also great. The psychological battle and the physical one just tie in nicely. I can see this all like a movie. It would've helped if I knew the characters, but honestly, it didn't matter. I could piece it together well enough, and there are certain things that raise my curiosity which would make me read further too.

This was really neat! Good luck in the contest.

I really enjoyed this. It's kind of a shame it doesn't have as many recommendations or comments as it deserves. I'm not one to normally read actual things on mibba, which probably makes me the world's worst Mibbian (if that's what they call us) I just submit my own work and hope for the best. Sadly, I was brought here by comment swap, rather than my own free will. I am glad comment swap sent me here, because this was a beautiful piece. I really enjoyed K and her ability to be a badass. She wasn't like most female leads in writing now with the "oh-i'm-so-beautiful-but-i'm-so-sad-love-me." like that Lana Del Ray bullshit. This was true, and genuine. -Team K!

I always like to interact with other writers to help my own sanity as well as know what inspires other writers. What kind of music do you listen to when you write? and what inspires you? Do you draw inspiration from real-world/life experiences or dreams?

Anyways! Thank you for being able to read this magnificent piece. I really enjoyed your use of imagery and imagination. I really enjoyed the French bits that tied into the title. I really hope you decide to continue this into a series of short installments that could really build to your character development and backstory.

ps. I also really enjoyed the layout.

Right off of the bat with this, the thing that jumped put at me from the beginning was the description! Your ability to describe everything from the abandoned building in the beginning to the little face-off Yunho and K had. Sometimes when people write action scenes, they write them a little dry and it's hard to picture exactly whats going on, but you didn't disappoint with that in the slightest! I really like K's character because she seems like a total badass omg.

I thought she actually had him when he jumped from the window, but I shouldn't have guessed it'd be that easy. At least she rescued the boy though! If he would've been dead I would have been really upset, okay.

I'm currently reading the story "Black Pearl" by Nikki and "Velocity" by Kylee and I love the fact that the detective Jin Ae is involved in all three of these pieces as well as Yunho and although I haven't read "Catch Me" yet, just the fact that they all tie in together in some way is really neat. Anyway, I really, really enjoyed reading this so thank you for submitting it for my candy bowl!

This was such a fun, action packed read! Thanks for leading me to it. :] Take a couple kick ass characters and chuck 'em together, it's bound to turn into something awesome. After reading this, I'm definitely going to check out the stories where K and Yunho originated. Nice job on this! I look forward to more from you. :3

I think you did a really good job of making this read like an original! I still have no idea who K and Yunho are, and I don't think I really need to in order to understand this story. I do think that there could be a little more backstory about who they are, just because I don't know anything about them really. But for a one-shot, I think you have really great plot development. I thought the factory scene at the beginning was nice and creepy, and it sort of just rolled together with the rest of the story. I loved the last line, though! I thought her dialogue was just perfect and I love how relaxed it was!

I'm still in love with this.
You made UKnow such a badass.

Your writing is AMAZING! I just had to say that before I said anything else!

Your layout is beautiful! I like to point out with everyone that I love simple layouts because it hooks me in from the get-go. Yours does just that, and I find that I'm not distracted by anything. My focus is clearly on the story, and that's exactly how it should be! I think my only problem was the size of the text. Of course, I probably need to get my eyes checked anyway, so it's probably not so much your layout... possibly more just my crappy eyesight if I am, in fact, going blind.

Back to your amazing writing! There was definitely a lot of content in the chapter, but it was actually so captivating to read that I barely noticed it. I got to the end feeling diappointed that there wasn't more to come! Your imagery is perfect, setting the scene really well that I can imagine everything that you are describing, and I find that can be quite difficult to find in a lot of stories around here.

I've gone ahead and recommended all of your stories, because I wanted to recommend this story so many more times!

Beautiful!

P.S K Won!

Okay, let me say this from the beginning so it doesn't get lost in the spurt of words: You have me hooked.

Let me start with the layout; it is simple but haunting. It is dark, muck like the foggy contents of your story and it reflects my need to clear the fog and find where all of this is coming from: the backstories, previous encounters, the crossing of gunfire and words between K and Yunho when they first met in France. It is absolutely astounding what you did with the layout.

I really liked the short description. Normally I'm not so okay with them, but it fits perfectly with the mysterious air that K carries with her, so I found it perfectly suiting. It gives away something, but it doesn't give anything at all at the same time.

On the content, goodness was it perfect. It seems that you chose each word cautiously, bending it so it would fit the dark and foggy feel of the story. I love your descriptions; they gripped me by the neck and refused to let go until I finished it all. Each scene played perfectly in my mind and this is what I love in a story, that I am able to picture everything, that the author put so much effort in fleshing out not just the characters, but also their surroundings and their actions; it adds to the real and raw feeling you have here.

My absolutely favorite part is the exchange of words between Yunho and K. The dialogue flows well with the narration and adds more fog to their stories. It really kills me because I need to know more.

I think this is the perfect ending (I had to go to the info link of the story to check if there were going to be more updates I'm sad because there will be no more of them according to the info link). Answering your question, I actually think K won this one. Yunho did what K knew; he ran, fled, deserted because the pieces of his game were not placed the way he wanted. In my opinion, he's but a child that wants to play with others but only wants to play by his rules; if the other kid is winning, then he throws a tantrum (in this case has a backup plan in which the life of another person is in danger) and leaves the game. So, yes, K won. Definitely.

I'm recommending this. Hardcore. It was an amazing story and I'm so glad that you linked me to this one on my blog. You are very talented with words and with mystery/drama/action writing.

What did I just read? It was definitely intense! I've just fallen in love.

I'm in awe of how you manage to write action in a way which grips the reader. It's so hard to write action because it's usually a visual thing, and to do it well is amazing.

Yunho won right? I think. Damn, I love a piece that has me guessing.

p.s; the layout is absolutely perfect :)

Wow ok so I am commenting because of my blog in which I said that I would comment on things so yes hi here I am.
Ok wow this is amazing. You used so much detail and I was on the edge of my seat the entire time I was reading. I love how you described the entire situation. K is badass and I love her. And when K gets shot and the tall dark stranger walks out and says "Checkmate" I basically died WOW THIS IS SO GOOD. And oh my god I loved the French. And when Yunho said "Mademoiselle Noir, it’s about time you change your color to red.” I got chills.
This is brilliantly written, and I am so glad that I read it. A+! Recommended :)

This is so awesome

I went back and read this...Its still just so awesome and breath-taking!

Team Yunho . I totally thought that K was going to catch him, okay? Except he's probably going to get caught eventually, and I'd love to see his reaction to that.

I only found one thing that needs rewording, "That cold stillness settled in K’s chest as the tactical soldier in her emerged in her mindset".

But other than that:

Wow really great description of everything, I literally got chills up my spine at the sight of the blood on the ground! I enjoyed this crossover, usually these stories don't work right but you did a awesome job! That Yunho is a tricky one! He seems hard to fool and more of a manipulator. I was however a little confused in the beginning but I got it once I reviewed it. Other then that bravo! ^.^

All I have to say is just woah. WOAH!!!!

I can't even, just, you've got a reccomendation out of me.

What she said

Hello there, I'm from the comment swap; I like how action-packed this was. Not quite sure which fandom you're in, but it seems like fun! Great job depicting the setting. I adored the way you described the factory and I also loved how you kept the story flowing at a quick pace. Great job on that! Imagery skills as well as flow skills are extremely great to have, and you seem to have mastered them! Once again, very good piece of work right here!

I'm not sure which fandom this is for so I kinda went in blind. I'm not much of a complainer but I hate tinsy text in a story, that's just me though. I liked the layout, kind of felt mysterious for me. I love how you describe things and your words flow pretty well, everything is easy to read and understand. I appreciated this piece, it's not something I would read but I shall recommended. You're a really talented writer :)

Hello there, I'm from the comment swap; I like how action-packed this was. Not quite sure which fandom you're in, but it seems like fun! Great job depicting the setting. I adored the way you described the factory and I also loved how you kept the story flowing at a quick pace. Great job on that! Imagery skills as well as flow skills are extremely great to have, and you seem to have mastered them! Once again, very good piece of work right here!

Uh obvs Yunho won. The sexy naughty villains always win, don't they? And after reading this (I haven't started reading the others yet - just Catch Me) I'm pretty sure he's as naughty as naughty will ever get

Wooh where do I start with this? It's fast paced action with just the right amount of background info in it. If I hadn't read Catch Me, I'd still have been able to get the general gist of this. Yunho totally went all Joker Like in my head, only sexier, with his hip thrusting and such

Great story!