July 24th, 2008 at 08:24pm
I agree with Jepha... My mind went blank reading this.
You're an amazing writer !
The Glass Girl - Comments
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April 26th, 2008 at 07:46am
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:cheese: Damnit Fatma, how do you expect me to comment meaningfully on this story when all that's going through my head is, aegljabe;ga;
aebaeg;aegmae;
It's just....ah. I don't even know how to describe it. It's so....God, it's so amazing.
And like, description is laid out so perfectly. You just make everything that much more beautiful when you're writing it out.
And it's just like....so eloquent, and written in this way that you can tell that you threw yourself into it, that you meant every word.
If that makes....sense.
ah, this is such a terrible comment, so I'll shut up now.
Favourite line;
She was too fragile; like a heart with no ribcage; like glass. Frighteningly thin surfaces of milky glass veins, crystal clear; liquid red pressing against crimson stacks of beating flesh.
It's beautiful, really, love.April 25th, 2008 at 06:28pm -
this is so amazing. You're such a great author.
Thank you so much for gracing Mibba with your awesomeness, love. :arms:April 25th, 2008 at 02:19pm
I want to know where you get all these words. :cheese:
I smile inside and shake my head when people say my stories have a lot of new, big words, because they don't... not compared to yours. :] And the amazing thing is that you make them fit together and flow so perfectly, so that nothing sounds strained or out of place; it never seems like you're trying to hard to sound like the genius you are. :mrgreen:
What I really loved about this is that it sort of seems like, at the beginning, it's the world that's destroying the girl - because she's too fragile to live in it - and then after a while, it gets so bad that she starts destroying herself, and that's what kills her in the end. That really made me think. I mean... for a lot of people, that's what happens, like, I'm rambling now, but everyone always looks at fucked up homeless people and thinks that they drank too much and ruined their own lives, but almost always, something else fucked them over first...
Anyways. :shifty
You should know, I tried really hard to narrow this down to my favorite parts, but I honestly couldn't pick anything out. So, I know what you'll be thinking in a second, and the answer is, YES I FUCKING DID QUOTE THE ENTIRE THING. :]]]]]]]]]]]
She wakes up everyday sullen cheeks grimacing along with dim dead eyes, glazed with dark shadows given by tiresome nights and fake grins, outstretching the lines trailing her face, leaving those ugly creases of flesh along her mouth.
My first thought reading this was, OH MY GOD SOMEONE ELSE KNOWS ABOUT THOSE UGLY MOUTH LINES. :tehe: And now that you know more than you ever wanted to know about me ( :] ), let me tell you that right from this first sentence, I was hooked. I read something about first sentences in a book about writing, and the author thought the best ones mentioned the past while also bringing the reader into the present or future, if that makes sense. ._________. Basically, your first sentence was like that, because the reader can feel the awful monotony of the girl's life, and they know that nothing's changed.
She was too fragile; like a heart with no ribcage; like glass. Frighteningly thin surfaces of milky glass veins, crystal clear; liquid red pressing against crimson stacks of beating flesh.
:cheese:
Kor said this was her favorite line, and I think it might be mine too. "Like a heart with no ribcage" is such an amazing fragment; it just sounds like it should be some kind of classic. :] That whole description of her is so beautiful... It conveys her fragility perfectly, and it's scary and gorgeous at the same time, like most pretty things.
Words would blow her away and shatter her into walls of stone-dead emotions. They broke her scared glassy legs, they fractured her transparent skull, they bludgeoned her arms to a paste of clotted blood and porcelain shards, but she remained tall.
This made me shudder like crazy.
This is the part where the world and other people are what's breaking her, and the violence just floored me, contrasted with her delicacy and... Let me just say, your word choice is AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING. Nobody I know uses words like you do. I know exactly what Kor meant in her comment when she said that in your writing, it becomes obvious that you throw yourself into every single emotion and every single sentence. You make it all so gorgeous, Fatmaaa. :]
She could see beyond it all; with this see-through skin came see-through eyes. If they could see beyond eyelids they can see beneath minds, thoughts and especially words.
It's so interesting that with everything she's suffering, all the abuse and pain and brokeness that she faces, she's gained some kind of clarity... Again, my brain is just coming up with all this weird shit, but it reminded me of that book, A Child Called It, and even though I refused to read it, all my friends did, so I knoe all about it. x] Basically, the kid was abused so much, but when he grew up, he kind of gained a clearer perspective on things. I guess if you're in pain and hurt, it does allow you to see certain things clearly, without all the extra shit in the way. If that makes sense. D:
The interlaced webs of persistent cracks decorating her broken-up back and aching chipping elbows leaked leaked soft and sourly innocent fibs and shams.
Each day her heart-swell increases, it presses against those bent fluorescent ribs, heat and friction charring pieces of it everyday, cutting off blood through the molten veins.
Life rips, rips and shreds her corneas and thoughts as they pound, soar and chisel at the inside of her skull at the top, outside the liquid sick shell keeping the jelly-milk intact; keeping the anguish away from her broken glass legs and her torn cotton-pale puny thighs.
:cheese: :cheese: :cheese:
OH MY GOD.
I don't know how you do it, I really don't. :cheese:
Like I said, you have the most amazing way with words... I'm completely speechless. Again, it's horrible, gory, disgusting, sad... but it's still beautiful.
Her little heart shook, shook, shook with every word it took, took, took; tears would stream down her vacant cracked-open ribcage and send burning pains down granite-checkered bones; pencil-thin bones.
...aww. By this point I was just shaking and open-mouthed. I want to help her. .____.
Too, too, too fragile for this world, too glassy, too see-through.
She goes insane, breaking, breaking, broken over and again with too sharp, too cut-throat blades of words and hearts, smashing, smashing, smashing her head into the walls tarnished with the splattered remainder of her vitreous legs.
Insane, she smashes her head to the merciless straitjacket walls chaining her rip-open cage dragging her down with each name. Insane, insane she was, demented her words became. Stuttering stick-figure dreams and copper-stained words, kissing the palms of her limpid hands and silk-smooth veins.
Glass girl finally got shattered; with her little glass heart on display and her baby baby tortured pink mind screaming red on her fingertips.
I guess I already mentioned this part; how it seems like after she's taken all she can take from the world, she starts detroying herself instead. Throughout everything she faced, she was still alive, but now she self-destructs, and I don't know which way is better.
I think I should also add again that you are INCREDIBLE, and that the image of her mind screaming on her fingertips is going to stay with me for a long fucking time. You really inspire me to be a better writer, to try and use words better, be a little less timid with them. I'm seriously in awe.
Too, too, too fragile for this world, too glassy, too see-through.
That... too full of emotion, too empty of feeling... too... too caring, too shallow and too deep.
She was.
I identified with this, with the girl, from the first paragraph, but this sealed it. The way you describe her using, basically, oxymorons... I don't know. I'm afraid I'm gonna say too much and start giving you my whole sob story. Basically, that's how I feel about myself.
Shit, I love you.
You're an AMAZING writer; in fact, I'm jealous, and let me tell you, there is no doubt about it. :arms: