As far as first impressions go, I have to admit that I was a bit hesitant to read this story based on the summary page, just because from the title and the banner, I get the impression that this story is going to be focused on alcohol, partying, that sort of thing, and that wasn’t really what I was looking for for this contest. I do like the simplicity of the layout and how it isn’t distracting for me as a reader. I also liked how you chose to keep the summary simple as well because it gave just enough information and a vibe for me to be intrigued as a reader without giving away the entire plot.
Moving on to the actual content of the story, I did like how you took a relatively common life event and shed a different light on it, but at the same time, I felt like the characters read more like teenagers than adults, particularly Audrey because she just came across to me as being incredibly immature, and I didn’t like her as a character because of that. I really loved the style that this was written in, and I loved your descriptions of the scenery. I felt like, at times, it got a little bit too dramatic for me to really relate to it and find it believable.
As far as constructive criticism goes, there were a few grammatical errors in this piece, more specifically when it came to comma usage. I also found that this piece was far too wordy for something that’s written in first person. Though the descriptions and imagery would have been beautiful and perfect if this were written in third person, but it’s just not believable at all as someone’s thoughts. I also had a similar issue with the dialogue. I found that it was too wordy to be believable as something that people would actually say.
Overall, I did enjoy reading this piece. I could tell you put a lot of effort into the oneshot, and overall, I did appreciate the originality of the concept, even if it wasn’t exactly my thing. Thanks for entering
Moving on to the actual content of the story, I did like how you took a relatively common life event and shed a different light on it, but at the same time, I felt like the characters read more like teenagers than adults, particularly Audrey because she just came across to me as being incredibly immature, and I didn’t like her as a character because of that. I really loved the style that this was written in, and I loved your descriptions of the scenery. I felt like, at times, it got a little bit too dramatic for me to really relate to it and find it believable.
As far as constructive criticism goes, there were a few grammatical errors in this piece, more specifically when it came to comma usage. I also found that this piece was far too wordy for something that’s written in first person. Though the descriptions and imagery would have been beautiful and perfect if this were written in third person, but it’s just not believable at all as someone’s thoughts. I also had a similar issue with the dialogue. I found that it was too wordy to be believable as something that people would actually say.
Overall, I did enjoy reading this piece. I could tell you put a lot of effort into the oneshot, and overall, I did appreciate the originality of the concept, even if it wasn’t exactly my thing. Thanks for entering