At His Mercy - Comments

  • Lady.V.

    Lady.V. (960)

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    Hello. c: So, I had this story bookmarked to read it and now that I finally have the time to read something after so long in here, I'm gonna get started with this. Be prepared, my comments tend to be as much as detailed and long. :D
    First of all, I adore the title. It makes me wonder whose mercy? c: I also like how the story is written, it’s straight from the mind of a high school girl and even though there are descriptions, it goes more deeply into her thoughts which works nicely for the story you’ve set. There are a few writing mistakes, but nothing too major.

    Chapters 01-10:
    I liked the aspect of only having one friend, her best friend, and the way the said goodbye. It had a touch of originality though the topic is too common.
    What took me by surprise was Ryan’s attitude when Charlotte left with Dean for a while at the trip, leaving them alone. That Shut-up was strange, no matter how the narrator tried to think otherwise.
    Highschool usually turns to be the place where you get your confidence, and our girl obviously is a looser on that domain since she would take a guy no matter who he was, and she even calls herself a beggar in getting men.
    The book guy, that came out of nowhere but I wonder how her relationship with him will be. Is he a good guy or a bad one?
    Ryan keeps going against her, why? I’m really curious to know.
    Blaze seems like the funny time who wants to keep the gang together, with his small lie and all.
    I was surprised at how the narrator was the one to mention the sleepover to Alassane since our narrator seemed to be the innocent type, and she is if you asked me. Did she hope of getting laid and forgetting her virginity, or was it in the spur of the moment? Sneaking in and then sneaking out, tying to be bold for once?

    Chapters 11-19:
    If I was in Alassane's shoes, I don't think I would have went to her house like a groom. The explainations that followed in the same chapter, added more to the story. Not only did she help him with tutoring him, but to him it meant more since his life was in shackles. I can see the two of them becoming great friends, if tragedy doesn't visit Alassane's door.
    The developement between our narrator and Ryan in chapter 15 was gold. Finally, something more went on that just a small argument. The whole scene was realistic and I was glad she didn't get raped in front of his eyes. That might have made him feel guilty and pity. The end would have been bad if that happened Why was he so against her words of love for him? Betrayed in the past maybe? That's the only thing that crosses my mind. An ex-girlfriend or his mom maybe.. The last sentence of the chapter was great too, nice way to close them chapter while making us feel the depth of her feelings and how cursed she thinks her love fate is because of Ryan.
    Most explanations received at chapter 19. Can I say that I'm ready to piss my pants anytie over Jeff?? He seems really scary! o.O

    Chapters 20-29:
    Someone else is going to take care of her? Who? :/ What if it's Jeff himself??? *let me go hide*
    At chapter 21, the italics don't blend with the rest of the story nicely. It would have been better if the explanations came after the actual fact, and throughout the story since the story till now had been written in first person.
    Coincidence, really? With Jeff there was no way it was a coincidence. As for what Ryan mouthed about Amy, I guess we'll fin out in the next chapter, no.24.
    Okay, someone should take Jeff and get him to stay at a mental house. This guy is crazy. Jail would be great too. :@@
    At least in the end Ryan told her the truth about his feelings, even though he died and her best friend died too Jeff is too cruel. Someone kill him, please??? :/
    We could once again realize the depth of the narrator's feelings for Ryan, since she couldn't comprehent the truth and didn't want to believe what had happened so much that she questioned where Ryan was after waking up. Another good touch was how we found out Charlotte had slept with Ryan, though the end of the chapter confused me a bit.
    I don't suggest writing a sequel because I think it wouldn't fit with what you've got here, but an epilogue sorta of the narrator waking up in hospital, saved, would have been nice.
    Thanks for sharing this so I could read it. I enjoyed myself.

    -Maria.
    January 4th, 2016 at 11:13pm
  • Baby-I-like-it97

    Baby-I-like-it97 (100)

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    gahhhhh! -dies- Make a sequel? :<
    April 18th, 2013 at 08:12pm
  • Baby-I-like-it97

    Baby-I-like-it97 (100)

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    update soon!
    April 15th, 2013 at 09:59pm
  • Baby-I-like-it97

    Baby-I-like-it97 (100)

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    moremoremoremoremore! I have become addicted! Update soon!!!
    April 15th, 2013 at 11:35am
  • Graces.Spark13

    Graces.Spark13 (100)

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    Oh my Gosh! I just found this today and I'm already like.. addicted haha :) I read all of it in less than 10 minutes. I can't wait to read more!!!!!! Fantastic job!
    April 14th, 2013 at 01:52am
  • ebony_goddess

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    @ ForeverARedHead
    Lol thank you and yeah Jeff is....well Jeff. I know, I'm working on it lol :) might have another update done soon. Hopefully, not making any promises though.
    April 13th, 2013 at 12:48am
  • Evil.Red.Head

    Evil.Red.Head (100)

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    Another awesome chapter, that explains the group being the way they are and the way it's all played out. I like it and can't wait for another update! Jeff sounds screwy but drug cartels are usually ruthless. Great job, update soon!
    April 13th, 2013 at 12:42am
  • Evil.Red.Head

    Evil.Red.Head (100)

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    Finally got to chapter 18, good on Jac! About time she stood up to her father. I really can't wait till the next one I subscribed and recomennded! I couldn't stop reading. Great job!
    April 12th, 2013 at 09:38pm
  • Evil.Red.Head

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    Sounds like what it was like when I went to high school. Ryan's have always been, at least from my observation arsehats. Never liked guys named Ryan so his personality very much contemplates his name. I like how Jacintha, how it progresses from her being this bright student and then it slowly taking a wrong path. Mostly I loved the start because it introduces the reader right into the action to where her life is already unravelled and taking the reader back to see how it got there. It takes a few chapters but I like the story thus far because it deals with some very real issues. Her parents pushing her to be perfect, and A*'s VS just A's and I actually felt a bit of agitation towards the father but not so much the mother because she wanted her daughter to be responsible, chores and the normal but still a bit harsh. I can understand why she would turn to others, even if they are toxic. Excellent writing I cannot wait to see where this goes!
    April 12th, 2013 at 08:46pm
  • SamsJam

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    This story is fab c:
    April 12th, 2013 at 02:02pm
  • xxmikkiscarxx

    xxmikkiscarxx (100)

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    can't wait to read more
    !
    April 12th, 2013 at 12:18am
  • ebony_goddess

    ebony_goddess (200)

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    @ IceDeath.
    Yeah, his a bit of a dick. Keeps the reader curious though :) but I'll get to that soon.
    April 10th, 2013 at 10:08am
  • IceDeath.

    IceDeath. (100)

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    Honestly, what is Ryan's problem? Lol. Update soon please. I can't wait to read more. :)
    April 10th, 2013 at 03:20am
  • xxmikkiscarxx

    xxmikkiscarxx (100)

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    makes it all the more interesting: )
    April 10th, 2013 at 02:05am
  • ebony_goddess

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    @ xxmikkiscarxx
    Me too :) I know that sounds kind of crazy, but I actually have no plot. It's fun that way. I get bored and impatient when I know what'll happen next. All I know are the characters backgrounds and nothing more...just as curious as you are lol
    April 9th, 2013 at 12:35am
  • xxmikkiscarxx

    xxmikkiscarxx (100)

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    awesome realistic story, wonder who got her into heroin though! can't wait to read more :)
    April 8th, 2013 at 03:41am
  • ebony_goddess

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    @ IceDeath.
    lol can imagine :) im glad you liked it
    April 7th, 2013 at 10:19pm
  • IceDeath.

    IceDeath. (100)

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    Always be careful of the special brownies. Gotta, say, I've been in that kind of situation before, let's just say that by the end of the night, the 'rents were NOT happy. Lol. Love this new chapter. :D
    April 7th, 2013 at 08:41pm
  • ebony_goddess

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    @ IceDeath.
    Yeah, I was trying to go for something realistic this time. Actually some of the experiences in here happened, but I just made them more dramatic than they actually were at the time, but yeah...not a true story and thank you :)
    April 7th, 2013 at 06:51pm
  • IceDeath.

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    This is definitely a realistic story in a way. I think it's an interesting idea and I'd love to read more. Update soon!! =)
    April 7th, 2013 at 05:49pm