Shades of Hazel - Comments

This is an intriguing story, very unique. There isn't much like this out there right now. You are very creative and such. You are also very good with characterization- Serafina is very different. She's not a stereotype like many characters are. She has very unique traits, like being very shy but having a huge sexual appetite. She's very fascinating.
I also like how you made her somewhat intelligent, since some people think that if you really enjoy sex you're probably vapid. It kind of shows that this is false, even if this isn't a true story.
I also enjoy how it flows so smoothly, it makes it an excellent read.
I think that the only thing you really need to improve much on is sensory details. For instance, you could've described the bar. If you did that a bit more, I'm sure readers would get completely lost in your story.

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Wow! I don't usually get into this kind of story but this is very well written and incising. The idea of creating a whole new persona is amazing and we all have those moments where we don't feel quite as sexy as we'd like, you've perfectly captured a part of nearly every women on the planet. The sexy scene seemed sort of rushed and hastily written, for this kind of story it seems like they should be more detailed and important to the story. But overall its excellent and I'm definitely going to keep up with this!

Thought this was really good, definitely not something I'd normally have read (only here from comment swap) but definitely interested in coming back to this to see where it goes! The only criticisms I would have would be, as the previous commenter said, to be more gentle with your descriptions of sex - the scene was well written and DEFINITELY gave a strong mental image of what was going on, but maybe a bit vulgar, words such as 'plowed'. Apart from that I really like the style and the story, looking forward to reading more!

I like your story. It's very engaging and the premise is crazy unique. I have a suggestion for sex scenes. Try to be slightly more euphemistic and plus just think of what you'd like to hear and feel having sex and go for there. It's really hard to do sex scenes that express the euforia of sex with out the vulgarity, but there are ways^_~. I'm subscribing I totally wanna see where this goes.

Wow I'm not even sure where to begin. This so squire a story the premise is so interesting, I'm sure we've all wondered what it would be like to be someone else and be a sexier more daring version of ourselves. I'm so excited and curious to see where this goes!!

I adore your writing style!! Honestly, you have inspired me to write again, not gonna lie. I read the first chapter the other night and immediately started writing afterwards. And as far as the sex scene goes...well I don't think it was bad at all. If you want bad, come read mine. :P

Keep up the great work!

I really like this story! The title is clever as well. What really grabbed my attention was the prologue, it really got me hooked on this! I really like your way of writing. I'm so glad comment swap brought me here. Update soon!

Honestly, I'm not exactly sure where to start! Interesting -- is probably the best way to voice my opinion of the story. I wouldn't have stumble on it if it had not been for comment swap.

I think it's very well written, descriptive yet somewhat vulgar -- but I don't think there's any true why to pretty up a subject such as this one.

I'm curious to see where you'll go with the idea of multiple personalities.

Hope you update soon, keep up the good work!

Comment swap never fails me :)

I really love this. The layout is beautiful, and for some reason I get a Titanic-feel towards it xD

Anyway, I love this. I love how you made our main girl a sex-addict yet didn't give her the personality of one. It adds on, I believe.

Anyway, despite comment swap bringing me here, I would love more. You're a brilliant writer, I believe :)

~Hallie xx

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Once I read the description, I thought it would just be another normal story about sex...but I'm happy to say I was pleasantly suprised. I loved the layout and the title. I'm horrible about deciding what to name my stories, so I have to say whenever I see a title as cool as this one I get excited. Um...the character/characters are very well thought out & believable. I couldn't really find any thing wrong with your grammar, the semi-colon thing I really didn't notice, but I usually don't know when to put semi-colons so... Anyway, its a great story so far, very interesting.

Comment swap.

When I started reading the chapter about her love of porn, I squirmed in my seat a little bit. There's a lot of stories surrounding sex on Mibba, and few of them are anything but porn. I did continue reading it however and I'm pretty glad I did, because I was going to make some pretty snarky comments. Obviously, there is a plot to your story with the multiple personalities. It makes me wonder what the main character is going to get herself into with all those different identities.
I also noticed the semicolon thing mentioned below. I won't give you the english-nerd lecture on it, but just another heads up that it's there. Good luck.

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Wow, this was definitely different than what I had expected. The reader was kind of whacked in the face with sex, but not in a bad way. It was in a really interesting way. I looked through the character page, and I can kind of guess where this story is going from there. It's really well written. The only thing I need to put out there is that the semicolon is misused a lot throughout the story. It's used instead of a comma. I'd keep an eye out for that, but otherwise, good job. You've got yourself a subscriber ^_^

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I must say, you have a very good start with this.
I love the summary, the line Have you ever felt like you needed to be somebody else, like you needed another life? Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough, like nobody would ever like the real you? stuck with me, because I've felt that way many times before.

I love how you give the main character another personality. I can only guess the character goes through multiple personalities throughout the story? I haven't seen any mistakes and your layout is very readable. I'm subscribing!

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So I have mix feelings and maybe some insight despite this being a story type I do not like. I can tell this is an all out sex story probably a story that can pop up on various sources of disclosed names, so for direction to go in, it's a bit early to tell. You could of gone with a pregnancy sort of story where the one screw up of a double life has gone wrong, but that was knocked down with the birth control, but some times birth control will backfire and still not prevent it. You could have it where the double life begins to become difficult as emotions are developed and where everything begins to crumble apart. It's however YOU want to do it.

As for the layout, though it's fitting, I know for me and I'm not sure how many others, the red is hard on the eyes. Though it's not a bold bright red, and it's a little bit darker, it's still is hard on the eyes so try an even darker red. The banner for the layout though is very fitting.

The title is clever with the double life being lived by the character and such.

For grammatical errors, I did pick out a few, those I picked out were quite minor and nothing too huge where you can't still read the sentence.

Overall good job, I don't like obsessive sex stories, not my thing so personally of my personal appeal I would give it only a 5/10 however if I ignore it, it's like a 7/10.

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I like the layout - it's very simple and bold, and seems like a good fit for your story. The prologue is perfect. Hazel's questions are honest and attention-grabbing, and the foreshadowing at the end is well done. The idea of the "shades of Hazel" being her different personas is very unique, too - I like it! One piece of very picky, potential advice - in the summary, three of the names are followed by "is", and one is followed by "has". I know this sounds ridiculous, but maybe consider switching that one to match the other three? I personally feel that it might fit better. But feel free to ignore that suggestion :)

I really enjoyed this, and loved the have you gave her completely opposing personalities. I Also thought that the layout was quiet simple but looked great and fitted the story. I didn't notice any grammatical or spelling error and would love to find out what happens in the rest of the story, so please keep updating.

I really like it! Glad your exploring the sex scenes but i am defenitly hooked on the whole different personalities thing going on! Id like to see where this story goes! You have my subscription and vote to keep going with it!!!

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I absolutely adore the layout. It's so simple yet fits in with the whole of the story. I just read the prologue, but I already know that this is going to have potential and I am definetly reccing and subbing to this!

O.0 I's this like a multiple personality disorder type deal? it's really interesting! Comment swap by the way!
I like the lay out, and this seems like it'll be a good story but i can't really tell yet! so keet updating cause I'd love to see whats up

Sounds pretty interesting so far. I can't really give you any constructive criticism because there isn't a whole lot to the story yet. But it seems interesting, no grammatical errors or spelling errors that I notice, and I'm sure this will turn into a great story. :) Keep up the good work!