Wow, this is so cool! I've never heard of a Potter fic with a concept quite like this one. I commend you for your originality. It's also written relatively well, save for some missing punctuation and typos you missed (everybody does it, no worries). It's easy to read yet provides a bit of depth to the characters, like when Emily is staring at the painting, and how Ron admits to wandering due to boredom. They seem like unsubstantial things but it shows an angle that wasn't covered by the book, which a lot of Potter fics lack. Also, the portrayals of the characters are so damn cute. :') great work! I really can't wait for more!
I absolutely love the idea for this story! It's not very often I see stories that have Neville and Seamus as starring characters, so I like that you added them in! I thought Neville was so adorable when they were talking about the extra curricular quidditch and it was funny how the boys were all making fun of Emily! I feel bad for her though and I really hope that she gets her life sorted out! I wish she would just focus on the friendships that she does have instead of looking for things in guys that don't really care about her. Great story!