Abduction - Comments

I really enjoyed reading this. While I agree it was not the most creative title ever, it served its purpose and certainly got the point across. I like the length; I felt it suited the childish point of view. It was refreshing to read something that wasn’t from the eyes of a teenage girl, and the small details made the setting very easy to visualize. Your characters expressed emotion the way I would expect a child in that situation would, which I think is difficult to achieve sometimes. Taking into account that this was a piece written outside your comfort zone, I think you did a very good job with it and you could do great things if you decide to write more along the same vein.

This was actually really beautiful. I know, based off of your author's note, that you felt that because it lacked romance and smut it wasn't a romantic piece. Well...though of course it isn't necessarily romantic by the standard definition, I felt that the older term "romantic", as in beautifully written, centered around familial values and an admiration for human emotion, was the perfect way to describe this. Especially because I could very easily relate to Kendall and place myself in his shoes - my little sister and I had been in a similar situation long in my past, and it took me back to that moment.

I'm not sure if you've personally ever been in that situation, but if you haven't, you portrayed those emotions perfectly. I was instantly pulled in by the way Kendall was frantically searching for his baby sister, the way his fingers pulled at clothing and your description of the large chair in the woman's changing room - all of it came together to paint an incredibly vivid picture. I thoroughly enjoyed the moment in which Kendall chose to run from the woman, tugging his sister along with him. I loved it. I had, for a minute there, been so afraid that he would fall for her words and allow her to "wait" with his sister. I was so happy to know that his protective instinct for that little girl sent him in the other direction.

Contrary to what you wrote in your author's note, I personally feel that this is a strong suit for you. A piece in which the action is short-lived, and instead surrounded endlessly by your wonderfully vivid descriptions. In a piece where there isn't an incredible amount of time elapsed or action/dialogue to follow, I see the picture you paint even better, and that's something I really admire. All of that being said, I really, really enjoyed reading this; especially with the way that it hit home for me. I loved it! :)

This was confusing. I think if it were longer, it would have been better. The end needed more detail. I found it confusing as it was. otherwise, it was pretty good. You should experiment more with stuff like this,

@ grow a pair

Thanks for the comment girl

I don't really watch One Tree Hill, but I think I had Sex & the City reruns on in the background or whatever when I was writing this, so that's probably why I randomly chose Carrie

While it was different from what you usually write it was super cute to see the concern Kendall had for Katie. It was cute <3
I couldn't help but notice that you said Miss Carrie was the kidnapper lady's name and if you've seen One Tree Hill, there was a kidnapper named Nanny Carrie. But I just thought of her when I saw that and thought it was funny.