Tin Soldier - Comments

So so so good and original. I loved how you wrote the characters. It was so entertaining. :)

Chapter four. Holy hell do you know how to capture a dream sequence!! The images and the language is so easy, flows so well and makes absolutely perfect sense, and then the concept of it, the feeling of it, is so confusing. It makes the situation sad and quite realistic, because this is the way real dreams are! I was so very impressed by that, and by your ability to turn something so realistic! I especially love the lines:

She gave me a small smile. The last I would see before her body turned to ash.

I just truly appreciate how realistic that sort of thing is within dreams. It's short, blunt and simple. Paints a picture and captures the confusing feeling that you often get from strange dreams like that. I just couldn't get over that, apologies for ranting about it for like ten years haha.

Oh I love how you are always aware about Flynn being a soldier. Whenever I come close to forgetting you remind me. I think its clever the way you allow him to continue being his own character and in that he as his individual trait and abit. His instincts of war are the coolest and it make me wish I saw him in a war. How good was he? Was he a leader or just a dam good soldier? he gave them a Fe paper cuts and that made me laugh like crazy Sahara.Either way he has his own unique touch. Which is probably my favourite part bout him.

Ill be honest I'm unsure about Daisy's character. While I think your characterization and construction of personalities is beyond words, she is very unpredictable. The Gretel reference was cool though! And your dark twist on it has me thinking Daisy will betray Flynn.

I am constantly blown away with where you take this every single chapter. Out introduce a new setting and new characters with captivating action and descriptions! I am so in love!

Chapter Three. Again, there's another massive jump between chapter two, to chapter three. I feel as though Flynn is now starting to come to his senses. The story definitely begins to retain a much more aware, and in the moment feeling. Actions are more focused on than descriptions. It's good to separate the two. It makes me see the incredibly massive difference between how Flynn perceives real life, to how Flynn perceives Scarlett. With Scarlett, his language is eloquent, flowy, and extravagant. Then when he is by himself, his senses are more refined. He becomes a living, breathing, soldier, whose mind is on a mission. It's actually pretty refreshing. I'm not sure if you did that on purpose, but that language differentiation helps me gain a deeper understanding of the characters as well as the story.

I love the way the story jumped from the foresty sort of scene, straight to the seas. It makes for a pretty cool adventure! We get to experience vast landscapes with Flynn, and I feel like we're seeing something new every single chapter. I was immediately impressed by Cook. He's pretty cool. You've given him something sturdy for his character to build on. He's so interesting, and I just want to know more and more and more about him. I cringed about his arm, that just made me feel horrible sorry for him! I can't help but imagine a sort of Jack Sparrow figure in his shoes, with a mix of Moby Dick themes thrown in there somewhere. And is there some kind of Hook reference in there? I'm hoping he comes back as some cool sort of Hook and then this world turns out to be Neverland, and Flynn becomes Peter! Hahaha.

Though, when Cook starts saying that his crew are all gone. Man, I love the way that Flynn immediately turns on suspicious mode. It's so realistic, and it makes me remember that Flynn is a soldier, and he's a bloody good one at that too.

And oh jesus ! That ending. It was so full of action and suspense I couldn't stop reading! Yet again, marvellous! Until next comment. <3

Chapter Two. There's such a shift in attitudes between the first and second chapters. Within the first chapter, I could sense the powerful lines, weaved together with the descriptive ones. But throughout the second chapter, I feel like the wording has become so much more grand, descriptive, and filled with picturesque words. But the biggest difference, like I said, is the attitude. These longer, prettier vines reflect Flynn, and how love stricken I think he is. I could see this around the time where he was watching her. Everything seemed brighter. Prettier. Fancier. More lush.

Gazing into the dark night sky, stars dotted the inkiness like fireflies; as bright as I had ever seen.

He's starting to see the world for the beauty that it is. He's filled his own head with pretty images of Scarlett and the world. Everything is angelic. Everything is heaven now that he's with her.

This chapter opens my eyes to the true nature of Scarlett. I think it's nice to see her like this. I would have been disappointed if you didn't completely explore her character, her kind, and what she can do. She's a beautiful piece of this puzzling story. But she's not perfect. I see through the little keyholes you've left behind. You've made sure that we know, as readers, that Flynn is just utterly blinded by her kind and her beauty. She's perfect because she's not human, but she's also imperfect because she's not human. She doesn't know everything about humans. She doesn't know everything that is normal, and what she should or shouldn't do. She just knows what she knows. So yes, in a way, she is flawed. And even to her own kind, it's almost like she's the odd one out. It's quite sad really. She is so sweet, and she just wants to be human and she wants to be her own person. There's something so down to earth about that.

Also, I feel there's some kind of deadly power seeping through. I felt it when Flynn referenced to the pied piper. So much power. I just have this feeling that it'll end badly because of this.

Since your chapters are so lengthy, I'm going to have to make a separate comment for every chapter as I read!

So. Chapter One. What is so captivating about this is the use of language. Your language has been used to such an advantage, and I truly believe it is the ultimate highlight of this story. To begin the chapter with such a short line. So abrupt and blunt. And then to weave in the description and the explanation afterwards. You use such extravagant words. I can tell how much time and effort goes into stringing up these delicate sentences. Every. Single. Word. In every sentence, is used for something else. To change the way I think about something.

Beautiful visions of rolling green hills and vast oceans of a deep sapphire.

You take me through a stream of endless thought. I think of beauty and landscapes. Then you bring hills into my mind. I think green. Wild. Open. Fresh. Then you bring me oceans. I think of glittering seas, crashing up against the banks of rocky and smooth hills. All in one. It's so intense. You take me through these wild images every paragraph. It goes to say for itself how wonderful that language is, then. It's so extravagant.

Throughout the first chapter, I can see the distinct difference between your sentences. Sometimes you bring in powerful ones, other times you wander off with beautiful ones. It's almost like you sway me away so that I'm not so horrified by what's really there. I could particular see this when you said;

None left the fields of the Scarlet Sea, and I was no exception.

There are so many dark and powerful lines like that, that have been blended into the work. And then it's like, in between are beautiful little pictures. It takes away from the horror. Until I realize how horrifying that really is.

I feel the same way about Scarlett. The things she says are so pretty and distracting. She is so pretty and distracting as well. And then you realize how wrong it is for her to be acting so calm in such a cruel scene. I'm not sure if that was done purposely, but it's so very effective.

It's safe to say I already feel some kind of attachment to Flynn. He's very different from any kind of character I've come across before. It's difficult to figure him out. But he seems very down to earth, and I feel like he's somebody that people can relate to. He feels real emotions and real thoughts. I saw this, through this line especially.

I wished for many things, but living was not among them.

I'm hoping very hard that his ending is a happy one. I've grown attached to the both of them, I fear.

Your short description was amazing, and so captivating. Her hair shone of golden honey; I bet her lips tasted just as sweet. She was beautiful. Captivating. And I had fallen. From the moment I first saw her, I had fallen deeply under her spell. Oh the imagery, oh the way I can relate to this, oohhhhhh the feels. I love how it drew me in, and stories now of late haven't really done that for me, so good job.
I was a dying flame. Until I met her. Astonishing. Those words are just so inspiring to me, great.

I don't want to keep babbling but I really love the layout and the banner. The banner to me is absolutely gorgeous and how you worked the layout to fit it just made it seem so much nicer.

I don't even know what surprised me more, the imagery and the description and how well you write, or the softness of it all. It just was so poetic and I loved it. I really don't understand why I didn't read and comment on this earlier but it's great, and your words are just so powerful.

@ alison.wonderland
Ahhh! Thank you so much for your comment! I hope you enjoyed it!

This is absolutely beautiful, oh my gosh.

@ dynamite.
Thanks!! Stay tuned, there's more to come!

This is amazing <3