Shadows - Comments

The description in this is simply amazing.
I love the mysteriousness of the girl and I love how unexpected the ending is, such a great read! I'm glad I picked this :)

Oh my gosh, I love this! It so sweet, simple, but beautiful. At first when I saw this Harry Potter one-shot I was like How on earth is the whole story of Harry Potter going fit inside one story? But I love how you only did the ending. It’s sad that Harry had to die in this story but at least his loved one got to be with him. I have a theory that it’s Ginny, but it could also be a made up character too. I also enjoyed how you wrote Voldermort’s character because it was very realistic and I can easily see him saying that.

I liked the layout but I wish the text was bigger. I had to switch to default layout to read your one shot.

Overall fantastic job and I really enjoyed this.

As far as first impressions go, I really like the simplicity of your layout and summary. I like that you didn’t feel like you had to rely on a ton of background patterns, gifs, and graphics in order to snag readers. You allow your writing to speak for itself, which is something I really admire. Truthfully, I find a lot of graphics in a layout distracting as a reader (plus gifs make my internet browser crash), so it’s always refreshing for me to come across a more simplistic layout. I will have to admit, the small font is really difficult to read once you get into the actual content of the story, and I had to zoom in on my browser to be able to read it, so that’s something I would suggest changing. Overall, I felt like the dark, sparse layout and tempting summary was intriguing for me as a reader and really fit the tone of the story, which is what a good layout and summary should do.

Moving onto the actual content of the story, I enjoyed the almost stream-of-consciousness style that this was written in. I really felt immersed in the main character’s situation, and I thought you did a wonderful job building up the suspense of the situation. Admittedly, I’m not very familiar with Harry Potter, but it didn’t really interfere with my understanding of the piece. I felt like this was well-suited as a moment-in-time piece, though there were a lot of instances where I wished that I knew more about the main character’s personal background and her relationship with Harry. I also really enjoyed how your writing in this was very concise, to the point, and you didn’t ramble on and on about any insignificant details.

As far as constructive criticism goes, there were a few grammatical errors here and there and a few typos, which is understandable since I’m assuming you rushed to complete this piece by the deadline. That being said, I do think you should glance over this piece and correct the small errors. For instance, you use “ ‘s” in many instances where there should be just “s” because there’s no possessive. As I was reading, I did find that there were quite a few places where the wording was a bit awkward, and that made the flow clunky. I would suggest in the future to try reading things aloud as you write, especially if you’re unsure of how something sounds, to improve flow. That’s what I do, and it’s really helped me since I tend to get a little wordy in my writing. I also wish that you would have included a little more characterization in this piece, especially in regard to the main character’s relationship with Harry. I felt like the ending would have definitely had more of an emotional impact for me as a reader if you have focused more on what was at stake for these characters, maybe through the use of flashback.

Overall, I found this to be a very enjoyable read. It’s not often that I come across things that are written in this particular thrust-into-the-moment, edge-of-your-seat thrilling style, and I definitely found that to be refreshing for me

I like the layout; it seems to go with the story went she was in the darkness and couldn’t see anything. In most stories I read I don’t really get any emotions from them, but in your story I did. Like when she was in the darkness afraid and when found Harry. You have really well description.
I’ve seen a few a Harry Potter movie but I never thought I would read a one-shot about. Most other fan-fiction one-shot are predictable but wasn’t. I like that about it. You did really well better then I could ever!

Wow. I don't think I have read anything involving Haryy Potter. I have only seen the first two movies, but this story was amazing. Your descriptions were unbelievable and I was so hooked from the first sentence. This puts my stories to shame. :D

The emotion you poured into your writing is fantastic. I could feel her terror and then her heartwrench when she found her lover's body cold stone dead. I am surprised you do not have any comments because I found this truly wonderful. I feel like it was a game of cat and mouse where they were searching for their prey and in the end they caught their meal.

All in all, you did an outstanding job and I absolutely love your writing styling and technique.