Running out of Moonlight - Comments

Hello!

Personally, I feel that colored fonts against black background is very straining to the eyes but that's just my preference and it doesn't take anything away from the story at all.

I like the summary. It gives off enough information to familiarize the readers with the characters but not too much that it becomes a spoiler.

Chapter 1:
I love the intro to the first chapter, it shows just how close Caleb and his sister are! Especially when he's acting like a typical protective older brother when he gives her that advice of not accepting rides from other boys.

Quote

“You must be new.” She said.

“Yes that I am. My name is Caleb.” I replied returning the smile.

“Oh, from England are we?” she asked.

“Indeed. Just outside of London is where I hail from.” I said.

“Nice.” She said looking back down. “My name is Jamie by the way.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Jamie.” I said holding out a hand.

She smiled and took my hand before shaking it, “Pleasures all mine Sir Caleb.”

I feel like this part of the chapter is very dialogue driven and I would like to see more descriptions in between. Like Caleb is supposed to be a wolf, so maybe you can play around with his senses, what he's seeing or what vibes he gets from the girl.

It's interesting how easy Jamie and Caleb get along. It must've felt nice on Caleb's part. I know being a new student is very nerve-wrecking since he doesn't know anyone there and having someone who's nice and friendly and get along with that person is probably a good thing.

The part where you describe Chapin's and Charlie's appearance seems too much like information dumping and you outright tell the readers how they look like instead of showing it. In my opinion, it'll be better if you sneak in the information gradually throughout the story as opposed to just put the information in a few paragraphs. If that makes sense?

Quote

The scent of mud and trees and something wet mixed with a heavy spicy musk underneath it. This wasn’t a human scent. It was a wolf one. Each wolf smelled different but there was no mistaking that musky scent. It was the smell of wolf blood.

This is what I'm talking about. Use their senses to show the surrounding. I like that paragraph, how Charlie immediately recognizes Caleb as a wolf. I adore the way you describe Caleb's scent. It's great!

Why is Charlie freaking out over a new wolf coming? Is there some sort of truce that says new wolves need to have permission from the clan before entering the territory?

Ah, the last paragraph explains it. Of course Charlie should be worried. But I'm sure Caleb doesn't have any bad intentions.

This is a good start aside from a few things I pointed out. I can see that this story has a lot of potential. I'll come back for more soon! You two have a great story in your hands, keep up the good work!

Great update! :) I have a feeling the people going after Caleb and Kyliee are going to make an appearance soon.

I stumble upon this a week ago and fell in love with it. I've re-read it a few times and I seriously hope you update it soon. What you've written is so intresting I'm begging you to finish it. Please. It's too good not too!!

I really enjoyed this. For the most part I'm more of a vampire lover, but they make me want to love wolves more than I already do. Please update. I have no problems with this except that I wish the chapters were longer. Great job keep going.:-)