In Their Eyes - Comments

I like this. c: It would be nice if you kept up with this.

@ viralstorm
wow okay well thanks for your honesty

I'm gonna be a bit of a negative Nancy, but don't get discouraged it gets better at the end.

I don't really like the layout. I feel like centering the texts really distracted me and took away from the story. The chapters are really short as well. I feel like they lack a lot of description. I like vivid pictures when a read, and this just really didn't do it for me. I didn't find too many mistakes, which is awesome, so kudos for that.

NOW! I am not trying to bash you. I really like this idea, it is an awesome twist to Cinderella. No one ever really thinks to do this, and the fact that you reached out and done something that hasn't been done before it siiiiick. I feel like people would see through their act quickly though. I know people can be very good at pretending, but I feel like they kinda suck at it, haha. I don't know if that was what you were going for or not. I just think people wouldn't believe the front they put on.

Comment Swapping

I really, really like this twist on Cinderella. I've never read anything like this and I found it hard to stop reading However I thought I'd be more helpful and give you constructive criticism as well!

Chapter One
I didn't find anything major, in fact this chapter is good but when I read it I felt like in the sentence I grabbed clothes before groggily making my way into the bathroom. would sound better if you said 'I grabbed some clothes before groggily making my way into the bathroom.' That's just my opinion anyway.

Also I think the word groggily is used one too many times in this chapter. Try using tiredly the second time around or another related word

Chapter Two
I didn't find anything wrong with this chapter, it was good!

Chapter Three
In this one you linked a dress, you aren't actually allowed to do that in stories. What I suggest is that you described it as much as possible (nothing too detailed) but then post the link of the dress in your author's note at the bottom for readers to see and look at.

"She going to dance, Ginger." should be: "She's going to the dance, Ginger."

You've written how this is a modern story so by writing "I know her better than you, and she does not want to go to some dance." You kind of contradict yourself because no one would really talk like that in this day and age. All you have to change is does not to doesn't.

Also you've written "Aisling, we are not discussing this." but it should be Ginger not Aisling.

Anyway that's all I got up too but I'm going to continue reading this story. I hope you don't take offence to anything I've said because I only wanted to help you make this story better than it already is. Sorry! Dx

I really love the idea. :D It's very intriguing. By the way, not here with comment swap. :P Anyways... ummm... The one thing I'd have to say about it is... and I'm not trying to sound like a bitch. This is just constructive criticism... I feel like it would be more realistic if you stopped trying to make them out as nice people. What I mean by that is, people lie to themselves to protect themselves. So they would truly try to be those people, because otherwise acting like that would never hold up, and people would see through it. So they would be those people, and slowly throughout their story it would begin to show through that this is all an act. But if they had lived their whole lives trying to be those people, it would take a long time to see through their mask. This would also create more drama and interest for the readers, as it would slowly take away the prejudices that people already have against the 'ugly step sisters'. Just some tips. :) Keep on writing! :3

*comment swap*
Hello! I must say, this is such a unique story. I love the idea, truly. The only criticism I could possible give is on the way the lines are laid out - very spacey. But even that is just a matter of opinion. I really couldn't give you any negative feedback on this. It's very well written and it's enjoyed to read.
I found it easy to follow, which is good considering I have the tiniest attention span.
Very well done.

Hi! I'm here from comment swap!

This is a very interesting and unique plot, and I think it has very great potential! I'm here to give some constructive criticism, if that's okay.

I've only read the first two chapters so far, so I only have a few things to go by:

In your summary, the author wrote "We're use to it by now." I see this a lot with writers (not only on this site, but others as well), and it should be written as: "We're used to it by now."

The word "cheerleading," I believe, is supposed to be one word; you used it multiple times as "cheer leading."

In chapter two, I read this sentence: "I was pulled from my dream by Ginger coming into my room and speaking, I am definitely not a morning person so it kind of annoyed me but I knew she was right." Now, technically, this would be called a "run-on" sentence, meaning it kind of rambles on and should be split into two (or punctuated differently). Here, you could either split it into two different sentences (i.e. "I was pulled from my dream by Ginger coming in to my room and speaking. I am definitely not a morning person, so it kind of annoyed me even though I knew she was right."), or punctuate it differently (i.e. "I was pulled from my dream by Ginger coming into my room and speaking; I am definitely not a morning person, so it kind of annoyed me, even though I knew she was right."). Does that make any sense? I hope it does!

There was another one similar to that in the same chapter: "The dance wasn't really on my list of things to do but I knew mother would get me a dress too accompany Ginger's and that she would force me to go, the last thing I wanted to do was disobey mother." There are two problems with this sentence: the improper use of the word "too" (a tutorial is found here on how to distinguish between the usages), and this sentence is also a run-on. A fix for it might be: "The dance wasn't really on my list of things to do, but I knew mother would get me a dress to accompany Gingers and that she would force me to go. The last thing I wanted to do was disobey mother."

Other than a few grammatical mistakes (which can easily be fixed), I really think this story has major potential! I've subscribed, and I would love to see where this goes!

One more thing I should add, is that I'm pretty sure that replying to other comments within your story comments is against the rules; I'm not 100% positive, but I would hate for someone to report you for it!

I like what you have done with this story. It's from the point of view of the sister (the point of view of the sisters confused me for the first few chapters, its not that clear which sister's point of view we're reading through at first.). I really enjoyed this twist and the fact the 'evil' sisters aren't that evil to the modern day Cinderella. I also love the layout, blue and white completely Cinderella's colours :)
(Comment Swap)

@ rising sun
Thanks. It's definitely my favorite story to write at the time.

-Comment Swap-

This is definitely different than what I'm used to reading. I've seen many a Cinderella remake in my lifetime, but this is the first time I'm reading from the stepsisters point of view. It's actually really interesting. You did a good job with engaging the reader in the story, and I'm actually pretty excited to see where you go with this

Oh lol
[url=Add address here]Type the word you want here[/url] and it'll come up :)

@ On Angel's Wings
thanks :3 but what i meant was- how did u connect the link with the word?

@ The1UMissedOutOn

You should be able to just click on it and it'll take you to the picture :)

i like it, very interesting and unique turn on things :3 one question tho, on the 3rd chapter you have a link to the word 'dress' can u tell me how to do that? :)