Should Have Known - Comments

I’m here as the new host for ‘Just Another Contest’.

I won’t lie, I’m not at all familiar with who this was written about or the fandom. So I treated it like original fiction, and I really was liking the concept of this. It’s not particularly a unique one—the whole “rock star has a daughter he doesn’t even know about”—but you made it your own in a way. I appreciated that his daughter was also a teenager and not with some random person he barely even remembered. I think that’s what made this unique to me. He had a child with someone that he knew and loved, someone he thought of fondly, and hearing Caroline’s name was enough for him. He wasn’t immature about it and immediately took responsibility, knowing that it wasn’t a joke or a mistake. I liked how he just knew when it was her, too.

However, one of my problems with this was that Padge’s thought process was kind of all over the place, which didn’t help me connect to him or the overall situation. Instead of focusing on the emotions of finding out he has a daughter and with his long lost love that’s dead now, at that, you kept telling me these really random facts about Moose knitting, Padge bitching about the cold too much, and Matt looking like a nerd with his glasses. And where that helped with everyone else’s character building and could have potentially been nice to add more depth to the one-shot, it was all in the wrong place. In all these moments, you should have been focusing on Padge’s emotions, not what he thought about his band mates.

And on the subject of emotions, I feel like this lacked a certain depth to it. You told me more so than showed me how Padge was reacting to everything, and like I said, you didn’t actually delve into his feelings about anything much at all. I’m glad that you added little tidbits (like the lake/phone fiasco) but I think there were better ways to do it, and as I said, it shouldn’t have been the focus. I really wanted to know how Padge felt about everything rather than just shocked because that was a given. Surely it must have hurt a little to know Caroline was dead and surely he must have been nervous to meet Elizabeth? There’s a lot of things you could have written about him dealing with because it was a huge moment. And it would have helped me connect better.

Other than that, I like the idea of this, I like the way you took the concept, I just wish there had been more sentiment to it.

I love this story. The writing is great and padges remarks are just hilarious. I demand ;-) more chapters! (Just kidding: I humbly ask for more chapters)

I think your layout is gorgeous in a minimalist way - which is one of my favourites.
Your summary is good, but could be reworked grammatically for more impact - maybe use full stops instead of commas?

Immediately, I'm in love with Padge's narrative voice. You've absolutely nailed it.

Just one sentence I really need to point out to you because it's full with typos "That guys had a serious obsession will wool"

I love the little sarcastic remarks that Padge makes. The story just comes alive with that - readers always appreciate a character with a bit of wit. Plus it's great in adding more dimensions to Padge, which is awesome. And on top of that, you have male dialogue down too. It's great to see that sort of understanding from a female writer. The banter and then the brother-like bond between the band members was just so realistic. You should be very proud of it.

The whole concept for this was great and tastefully executed too. Usually the whole "I HAVE A DAUGHTERIHDSUIFHDSAKJLFHA" famous baby-daddy thing is a turn-off but you totally captured me and just leaving it where Padge saw his daughter for the first time was the perfect move. The description of her in contrast to the other girls in the orphanage was perfect, and very fitting. The last line was sweet too.

This was really great - just needs a bit of proof-reading for those little typos and things.

First of all, I must say, I love the layout. It's simple and I like the rounded edges. This is the second story I've come across today within this fandom. I haven't listened to the band in years, but it's making me nostalgic. I think some higher power is telling me to go blast some BFMV. I really love the part where he's walking in to see his daughter and he simple knows those other girls can't be here. I would really love to see this continue on as either a series of one shots, or an actual chaptered fic. This was beautiful written and had me captivated the whole time.

First of all, I must say, I love the layout. It's simple and I like the rounded edges. This is the second story I've come across today within this fandom. I haven't listened to the band in years, but it's making me nostalgic. I think some higher power is telling me to go blast some BFMV. I really love the part where he's walking in to see his daughter and he simple knows those other girls can't be here. I would really love to see this continue on as either a series of one shots, or an actual chaptered fic. This was beautiful written and had me captivated the whole time.

First of all, I must say, I love the layout. It's simple and I like the rounded edges. This is the second story I've come across today within this fandom. I haven't listened to the band in years, but it's making me nostalgic. I think some higher power is telling me to go blast some BFMV. I really love the part where he's walking in to see his daughter and he simple knows those other girls can't be here. I would really love to see this continue on as either a series of one shots, or an actual chaptered fic. This was beautiful written and had me captivated the whole time.

Great start, after reading this bandfic I noticed how well put together it was. Padge turns out to be a very relatable character. The plot was interesting and had kept me reading. Dialogue was good just a tiny bit of grammatical errors like; 'Woah your gone pale as fuck,' your should have been you're.

I liked how the story really puts us in the father's shoes and we could empathize with Padge. So overall great work I'd like to read more.

The VERY first thing I noticed about this story is how relatable you made Padge. There's a difference between a character being like you, and a character who you can relate to. I, personally, prefer the second one and you've done just that, and even then some. Some of the ways you described things flowed so nicely, and it just fit so simply and complacently into the story, it made it a really easy read. My favorites would have to be, "...when Winter struck the forsaken valley we come from, Bridgend." and also "wore the same smile her mother had all these years ago". The way you ended it literally made me like squirm around in my chair, I don't even know anymore XD It was so, so whole I feel like only certain people can write that way, and it truly is a blessing. Sometimes I think one shots can be hard to understand, given it's merely a snapshot, but you omitted just the right amount of plot and included just the right amount of details. Very, very well done. Never, ever stop writing because you are truly magnificent at it <3

God Bless,

xoxo

Olivia

@ amabie.
Thank you! You know I might just do that, thanks.

@ Snow.White.Queen.
Your welcome babe, I realised I haven't read many of your stories so I thought this is the perfect time to but if you ever need any help with it or run ideas I am here. I loved this and I'm sure if you do a story it will be amazingly written.

@ amabie.
Thank you! I'm really glad yo like it. I'm actually thinking of turning it into a story, so I'll tell you if I ever do. Thanks again, love.

awwww babe this is so sweet :) I think Padge would be a great dad hes soo cute and nice, I think if he ever snapped at me I would cry because I feel like hes not the type you know.

I love how the first two girls he saw he knew weren't related to him haha even though they haven't met before they are still so similar and probably have so much in common.

I love this one shot babe I only saw two spelling mistakes but honestly who cares you're a great writer and I really think this would make for a great story if you ever wanted to continue it that would be awesome I'd definitely subscribe!

Aw, I liked this! It was cute and I like that you included so many little details about the band and stories and such. I think it's realistic how the men reacted to the letter.

Haha, at first I was a little bit worried that his daughter would be the girl who was wearing a boy band shirt, so I'm glad that it wasn't her!

I liked this a lot and I kind of wish there was more! You're a fantastic author and there were minimal errors in this story. Good job with this story! I'm definitely recommending this now. :)

Aww nice little one shot! Very cute! There was lots of little details or maybe stories about Bullet that you included that were a nice touch! xx

This is a very interesting plot, but like DeadMansTouch I'm not familiar with the fandom. After I imagined them being ordinary people, it made it easier to read. I absolutely love the way this is written, it's not a typical one shot. When reading one-shots I always feel like the author is just trying to hurry up and get to the point but this is very different.

This is a very interesting plot, but like DeadMansTouch I'm not familiar with the fandom. After I imagined them being ordinary people, it made it easier to read. I absolutely love the way this is written, it's not a typical one shot. When reading one-shots I always feel like the author is just trying to hurry up and get to the point but this is very different.

So this was really good. I don't usually read father-daughter ''oh I have a kid'' stories, because the plot is usually overused but this one is actually great. I found a few spelling mistakes but that's alright because it didn't take from the actual story. Also, like ''Swell'' said in the comment below, I like how you focused on the fathers feelings and not the daughters, because it just makes it seem so much more unique - if that makes sense?

Anyway, I'm not exactly familiar with the fandom so I was kinda confused at times so you could have cleared it up a little but overall, the story was good and I give it an eight out of ten stars.

Thanks for entering, and good luck!(:

My first impression of this was that it was interesting, and I liked reading the story from the father's perspective as opposed to the child. I find that with stories with similar plotlines, the story focuses on the child and their emotions, but it was interesting to read from the other side. However, as I wasn't familiar with the fandom, (I'm not even sure who the band is?) I found myself a little confused with the story overall, particularly regarding the personalities of each band member and I guess, their home/personal life? I feel like you could have made it clearer that the main character wasn't married or had kids, because I found myself a little confused at those moments.

I noticed you had a few spelling mistakes, so I took the liberty of pointing them out.

Do I bitch about the cold to much..? to should be too.

'Woah your gone pale as fuck,' your should be you're.

Abigail had inherited in all it's glory. it's should be its.

I snapped, my temper, which I never usually showed, rising to it's limit. it's should be its. You do this frequently in the story, so I'd suggest you have someone look over your work (besides yourself) before you put it up. There are other spelling/grammar errors, but I wanted this to be a proper comment, not a beta-ing comment (if that makes sense).

Otherwise, I thought it was a good read. Good luck with the contests!

Thank you so much for entering my contest, I really enjoyed reading this story. Your layout and banner are definitely a plus =]. I like how you chose a father/daughter plot rather than a love story, it was different from the other entrants and I really liked that! Great job overall =] Winners will be announced as soon as I'm done commenting on the other entries!

*Comment Swap*
First off, I want to say I really loved this! Although you never explained what happened to the mother, you could still understand what was happening in the story. Your writing flowed very well together. I only saw I think two grammar errors, so make sure you proof read mutliple times! The layout fits the story fairly well, and I love that he knew right away who his daughter was(: