The Unknown - Comments

This is very interesting. I think it's interesting how you made it a sort of tragedy, and I enjoy reading emotional writing like this. You really are an amazing writer, I love the use of the city.

This is very interesting. I think it's interesting how you made it a sort of tragedy, and I enjoy reading emotional writing like this. You really are an amazing writer, I love the use of the city.

This is very interesting. I think it's interesting how you made it a sort of tragedy, and I enjoy reading emotional writing like this. You really are an amazing writer, I love the use of the city.

This is beautiful and emotional writing. You showed a lot and told little, which is great. Everyone is absolutely realistic---the way Elliot freaked out when she didn't remember him was heartbreaking. The ending was absolutely perfect because it was heading in a good direction but left a lot for the imagination too!

This is heartbreaking, it really is. Your summary had me all set up for a lovely little fluffy piece about a pair of newlyweds. Boy, was I wrong!

I like that you start this right in the middle of the action. It's an approach that I often don't like because it leaves too much out, but it works so well here, especially seeing as it contrasts the summary so much. You describe everything beautifully, from the way the plane falls apart to exactly how Elliot is feeling when the plane is going down and he loses sight of Olivia. That just makes the impact of this story all the more real and devastating, in my opinion.

Elliot seems like a very real character to me. He has his flaws and he admits to them - the bit where he confesses that he just wanted to find Olivia was very realistic - and throughout it all, you can really see how the trauma affects him and changes him as a person, even from what you had in the prologue to how he feels when he is navigating the wreck to try and find Charley's mum and Olivia. You see the humanity of his character, and I really like that because most people would have the character acting like Superman - wandering around saving people - but Elliot has that air of really being affected by the crash, so really well done on doing that because it can be difficult.

Honestly, I can see no flaws with this piece. You've written it beautifully, and the end was such a cute little twist, I'm glad everything worked out for a (somewhat) happy ending! I loved every second of this, well done!

*short story contest*
First of all, I loved your layout. Also, your title is amazing; it describes both the plane accident and the way Olivia forgets everything and her husband becomes "unknown" to her. I also love the name of your chapter!
Second, I enjoyed your short prologue-like text. It was so sweet and happy, and made me smile. But when I started the next page, it was so different that it made me confused and sad; exactly what you wanted your reader to feel, right?
I love the way you have written small pieces, and then you have the time in between them. This way the story isn't too long and heavy, but it's still very sad and desperate.
Also, a big plus for the way he found that little guy, looked after him and took care of him. It was like a small bit of hope in the middle of desperation.
I felt extremely angry and betrayed when he couldn't find her. I was sure that she was dead, so I was very happy when he found her. But it was very much unexpected when she didn't know who he was.
The last line was brilliant! And open ending; anything is possible, but it was a promise for the better.
Loved it, enjoyed it very much.
Xx Ninahx

You really have some good talent. I really love your writing style. I do.

Now this, this was something I never read before. I really admire stories that are set up like this. It makes things choppy, in a food way. Like I don't know what will happen. Which I like, a lot.

The stiry I self have a good plot. The ending was a bit, eh. But it was good. I thought it would be more real if she died, forgot him or something. But that's just me. It didn't take apart how this story was at all.

One part I really enjoyed was when the little boy was found. The protagonist actually thought about being selfish. Which is very realistic to me. Not meant people think "the kid, the kid, the kid" all day long. So that was a huge bonus for me.

Overall I. Quite enjoyed this. It's written well and it's great.

@ DreamerHarlotSinner
It was a great read.

@ ebony_goddess
Thank you! When I first wrote it, it was his fiancee and they were getting married in Rome but I changed it. Obviously I had missed that one haha

This was so sad. I'd just die if that happened to me. You captured their emotions well and it was realistic. Loved it. At 11:57pm I think you meant wife instead of fiancee right?