Love Without Words - Comments

I’m here as the new host for the ‘Show Me What You’ve Got’ contest.

To be honest, I’m not at all familiar with sports (and I wasn’t even sure if handball was a real thing at first, that’s how much I know nothing about sports) so I wasn’t quite sure what I was reading about in the beginning, but you did a good job of explaining it and putting me in the situation. I think this was definitely a cute one-shot overall. The relationship between Elizabeth and Alti is adorable. They have a really contagiously sweet dynamic with a lot of love expressed between them. The dressing room scene where she smacked his ass made me laugh because it added personality to their relationship, and also developed Elizabeth more past her disability. The ending was definitely the sweetest part about this entire thing. It was really heartwarming.

The biggest problem I had was that you tend to repeat yourself or your sentences are wordier than they need to be. For example: The home team had 39 goals, while the other team had 39 goals as well, so it would be the final minutes that would decide who won this game. — A good half of this sentence is kind of redundant and it breaks the flow because it reads awkwardly and creates a clumsy transition in sentences. A better (and shorter) way of writing this to keep things moving more smoothly would be something like, Both teams had 39 goals, so it would be the final minutes that would decide who won.

I also think you could have afforded to be a little more detailed and slow down some. You crammed a lot of history into the story so casually and quickly that I didn’t connect really well to any of the characters. I thought it was all cute, but with Elizabeth’s disability, I just thought it was unfortunate but not on a personal level like I wish I had. And not to be overly nitpicky (sorry!), but I think you had a typo here: Elizabeth felt sorry for leaving BrandieAnette all on her own for twenty minutes, but her friend assumed her that — I think you might have meant ‘assured’?

All in all, I did think this was a cute story about a cute couple! It was really nice.

I'm so sorry for being so delayed in commenting.

This was really good! I'm not 100% the concept of handball but I love sports so it didn't matter! I liked the character interaction and just the overall concept. I've not read anything like it before, so good job!

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This was really, very cute. Not gonna lie, I was lost just a bit with the whole handball thing, considering I don't know what it is. Just glad it wasn't too big an element. By the way, I don't think I told you, you are fantastic at building and showing character relationships! Especially in this story, because not only did you do good with Liz and Atli, you also showed the bond between Liz and her friends, Liz and the team, Atli and the team, and the team with the fans! I really like that. You know, the I love you at the end should be extremely cheesy, but I just adore it so much!!!!! It's so cute, ahhhhhh!

You did a great job telling the story! As laredo. says, I think some proofreading could go a long way. There were some misspellings, lots of grammar (specifically tense and punctuation) mistakes, and it kinda makes the flow very choppy in some parts.

Your layout is also very precious!

First of all, I DIED when I saw that this was related to sports. I don't even know what handball is (or maybe I do), but any sport has a soft spot in my heart. You won points for that right away. Congratulations, hahaha.

Your writing is good, the storytelling is great, but I noticed some of it sounded a little awkward. I like that you have a detailed story, but at some parts, you got a little wordy. That's the only constructive criticism I have for you.

That being said, you combined a story with two of my favorite things: sports and romance. So that's really great. Especially a foreign sport that I don't know much about. I really enjoyed reading it and I'm recommending it because I think other people should read it as well. :)

PS: I was like "yeahhhhh" at the end. Such a cute moment!