The Truth About Him - Comments

I love the way you write, everything flows and you're very descriptive as I can almost see the settings in my head. Eilidh is a beautiful name! I really like flashbacks so I loved chapter 2, it gave me an insight into the character. i was a creative way of letting us know her past. I love the end of chapter 3, it was amazing!!! I'm commenting as I read and I really like Benjamin, he seems really sweet! The last line of chapter 5 kind of freaked me out, what if he is stalking her! :-0!!! I love this story, please update soon xxx

Is it bad that I'm the first person to freak out noticably in a comment?
Probably not. Anyways.
OHMYGOD. Your writing as a whole is just fantabulous, I almost mistake you for a true book writer! I'm already guessing and guessing and guessing as to who Benjamin is, and it's gonna kill me! Eeeeeeek, much!<3
Can't wait for the next update~<333

@ viralstorm
Thank you for your comment! I've changed the summary hopefully for the better. I suck at writing summaries; always have and probably always will. The title... meh, I just can't find one that fits :/

I really like this layout. Everything blends really well and gave me a pleasant intrigue to check everything out. I was thrown off by the summary. It didn't really make me want to read further, but don't worry I did! Haha. I think you might want to try and pull the readers in a bit more from the start with this one.

You describe everything really well. I like that you use a wide range of vocabulary, yet nothing is overly complex. You don't flash your knowledge of words in everyone's faces in a way that makes me scrunch up my face and wonder why the heck you are talking so fancy! Haha.

Even though I think the title fits, because of her past and the new fella she meets, I think it is really hard to connect with. I always fall for stories that have titles that just don't make sense until that one AHA moment! Ya know?

This is very lovely, though. You're going somewhere with this for sure.

@ dark desires
Thank you for your critique! It helps a lot, and I understand exactly where you're coming from with all of it.

The title. I totally agree with you. I couldn't decide what to call it and, since you need a title, I picked one out of a hat filled with other suggestions. Obviously I made the wrong choice.

I suck at summaries, so that explains that. I try to make the reader intrigued but I always fail at it, and if I try to put more information into it, I end up giving away the plotline. But I'll try come up with something better.

The flashback/dream thing was the only way I could think of explaining the scene. I like to try put the reader in the character's place, but obviously it just doesn't work. I should probably just re-write the whole story or delete it because, in all honestly, I am a terrible writer.

Thank you anyway for your helpful comment :)

From the story comment swap thread.

For starters, I think the title is a bit.... blah. It describes the story, sure, but I don't feel like the reader is really going to connect with it at the end of the story - you know, those moments when suddenly the title just clicks and makes sense. The layout, though, is great - simple, yet beautiful, and everything fits together well.

As for your description... I just don't like it. It reads like one big run-on sentence and it's a bit distracting. It also doesn't really hook you in, which is extremely important with these type of stories. Unless you have some kind of action or very unique trait to it, you really have to work to create a hook that says "Look, this story is really awesome and intense" within a few sentences. If you don't do that, people will just pass it by, thinking it's just like the other romance stories with a near-identical plot. I would suggest putting a bit more about Eilidah's past into the summary, just to spice it up.

As for your actual writing (commenting on the first & second chapters here), it's nice. You have a knack of describing just enough, leaving the reader with a nice sense of what exactly is going on around them. You can visualize the scene, but you don't overload your mind with too many tedious details. For some odd reason, the way you have the main character interact with her cat is just amazing to me. It makes the situation feel so real and raw, and it's just honestly a very nice touch.

I also enjoy how you slowly work her past into the story, rather than just throw it all on the reader at once. You give them enough to intrigue, yet again, you don't overdo it. One of my complaints is how Rosie (Eilidiah is a bit tedious to type ) doesn't seem at all uncomfortable talking to people. Someone who went through a major tragedy, especially a murder, would at least be nervous talking to someone when vulnerable. She's living alone with her cat and, although paying for a pizza is the most nonchalant thing in the world to most people, it would probably make her nervous or at least a bit on edge. Someone is coming to her house. They're going to know where she lives, even if she has a false name - this leaves her in a brief state of vulnerability.

When I hit chapter 2, I literally facepalmed. Seeing something as amazing as your first chapter do this in the second is just....

Starting out with a flashback or a dream is just so immensely cliché and overdone that I just cannot stand it. If someone asked me, it would be the number 1 thing not to do when you're writing. Find some other way to work the experience in, make your readers ache to know what happened, build it up throughout the story. And then, when you finally do give it to them, they'll truly feel as if they've earned it and it will be so much more exciting. I know that sometimes the urge to just write that one exciting part eventually wins over, but if your readers are just dying to know what happened throughout the story, it'll be a hook that makes them keep reading even during the dull parts.

I think that's all I've got to say. You're really amazing with details and your character feels very 3-dimensional, very real and raw. You have an amazing story going so far, and with a bit more practice, it'll be flawless.

@ KillerRed27
That means a lot! So, thank you. And yes, I love her name, too. I know about 3 girls by the name of Eilidh, so it's not that uncommon in Scotland :')

So far I like it. I love her name. Its so different and unique but I feel like it fits her. Update soon

@ Psychotic Secrets
I'm so glad you like it! And thank you for your critique, I'll go edit it now. It's just how I've always written; a new paragraph for when someone speaks and a double space for a new 'topic', so to speak.
Anyway, thank you

Oh wow! I really enjoyed that. One thing I have to point out is you have to double space each time you start a new paragraph. You did do that for some (you know the gap between paragraphs) but it has to be for all the new paragraphs.

I really like this so far. I'm excited for this story so I'm going to sub