July 15th, 2017 at 08:36am
Hi there! I’ve taken a rather long time, but here I am.
This story is really very well written. The layout is simple but pretty, and it sets the mood of the story. Because the summary didn’t give away anything, I was wondering what this would be about. The first chapter surprised me. It was intense. I really want you to update this soon; I’d like to see where this goes. You’ve proceeded very well and the description in the story is nice. I did spot a few grammatical errors, but that’s fine by me.
A hit and run is really disturbing. Not to mention it was a child. I don’t even know what to feel right now, for not so long ago, I myself wrote a one shot on the issue. Anyway, it was a nice read. Definitely recommending and subscribing. Update soon and keep up the fabulous work! :)
This is such a mercilessly heartbreaking story. Like wow, you just ripped that band-aid right off and SURPRISE, a little kid dies in a really brutal way and the story focuses on his broken parents. I think it messed me up even more that Daniel had absolutely no idea. He thought he was going to work with this detachment that cops usually learn to develop and instead, he was met with the brutality of his son being the victim. That seriously messed me up because I can’t imagine that. I’ve seen it done in some crime shows (albeit not often) but it breaks my heart every time.
I appreciate the simplicity of your prose in this because you focus more on the emotions than the details. It really adds more weight to the overall story. Especially with Grace never leaving the bed and Daniel busying his hands constantly. They both want to comfort each other but they’re also sinking into their own coping mechanisms. I would love to see where you had planned on taking this because I can’t imagine that they would allow Daniel to remain on the investigation case at all, but I also don’t see Daniel just idly sitting by and waiting for them to catch the perp either. I’d also love to know who because I want to understand what made them do it to such a little kid in such an awful and painful way.
So definitely an interesting story with a lot of emotions, good job!