August 12th, 2013 at 04:26pm
Title, Layout, Summary
So, at first I thought the story would be about a girl who comforts all her friends. After reading the summary I realized I was dead wrong. I like how the title refers to her position and how the title of her position sounds all innocent and fun but it’s not. Because after reading the summary we all know what the comfort girl is. I feel like the title is appropriate and it draws me in.
The layout is pretty and simple: two things I love because it adds to the story without adding to much and being way to distracting. I like how it’s also sort of deceiving with the layout being all pretty and uplifting and then the story having to do with slaves and rape and abuse. (Also, I have a thing for old manor houses and the picture helps.)
The summary is perfect, it gives just enough without telling you the whole plot. It also doesn’t leave me sitting there scratching my head wondering what the story’s actually about.
Chapters/Characters
With just the first chapter you give us enough information about Adelaide without boring us to tears with her backstory or leaving us sitting in the dark because we know nothing about her. You also do a very good job at making me hate the slavers and the Kings with just a few sentences.
Your style is good; there isn’t that total ignorance some people tend to write with when they write about slaves. Your speed is great, you don’t rush the story nor do you drag it along like a dead dog. It’s in the perfect median. Your grammar is great, nothing jumped out at me at all as being wrong. It’s evident you worked hard writing this. It's realistic, is great paced and you do a great job pulling people in.
You’ve got a good story with promise to be great once it gets fully rolling.
Your description is so raw and harsh, and I love that. In a story dealing with a topic such as this, a lot of people would sugar-coat it and not go into as much detail as you do, but right from the beginning you use really powerful language and description to your advantage and I think it adds so much realism to the story. It's actually really difficult to read in places as well, which I don't usually find with most stories so that's impressive.
I also really like Adelaide as a character. Aside from Adelaide being one of my favourite names ever, I really like her constant stream of consciousness. You can visibly see the contempt she has at times for the people that bought her and the people that constantly put her through what is no doubt painful work and absolute hell. She seems to be pretty level-headed for a seventeen-year-old, but I'd assume that would come from being in slavery all her life. I'm really interested to see how she develops and gets over various issues in her life.
Mr King absolutely disgusts me, honestly. He seems like one of those people who is drunk on power and has to have everything he wants. His actions towards Adelaide are honestly monstrous and he really makes my blood boil. However, I liked how soft and gentle Matilda was when Adelaide returned to the house. I'm assuming that she's been through the same, so it's lovely to see that Adelaide has a like mind who is willing to look after her in the Kingdom. It gives me this small sense of hope that everything can and will get better for her in the future.
Honestly, I think this is amazing. It's different, it's raw and it's written really well. I'm not too sure where you're going with the plot, or what will happen to Adelaide in the future, but I'm really interested to find out. I'll be subscribing and eagerly awaiting the next chapter!