Property of Black - Comments

Oh hell. What do I write after that comment! Thank you so very much. Even your things to consider were written gently. I am going to have to take a peek not logged in and look at the story because I did have chapters in it. But wow thanks so much. And I really don't have the confidence. It is easy when I can't see someone reading it. If someone read it in front of me I would be inclined to run to the bathroom and hide til they left!! I am truly thankful for your thoughtful words and I am glad you understood where I took Damon.

That was something. I had a lot to say - praise - yesterday, but today is a bad time for me to end this on. However, you deserve many props. Not many can take the time and finish something quite so deep and different and graphic, and still have all the confidence in the world in it. This deserves a long review that I'm not sure I can provide in my current state.

All the Good Things: Damon didn't start off as a particularly deep character, but his truth was delved into as his name was erased and he became nothing but thoughts circling a breaking individual. You did a good job showing how less and less like a human he became throughout his time with Black. I didn't feel rushed through any scenes and it made each one feel conducive to the plot. It was like everything that happened was important to him fitting Black's image of a perfect pet. That was artfully done and everything tied together nicely. There were moments I felt attached to Damon in that regard, and in those moments I also wished to slaughter Black in a gruesome way. The description of their life was really well done, and I appreciate the bit of depth you gave the lifestyle without giving it such a major role as to veer away from the plot. It was cringe-worthy and twisted in all the right ways, as it was also beautiful and thoughtfully crafted. Now, something I've been eager to address is how near the end Damon started thinking of Black with capital "Him"s, "He"s, and "His"s. I liked that because it deepened the connection that Damon was starting to see Black as, essentially, God. I also enjoyed seeing Black show emotion towards Damon and that his bipolarity influenced my feelings about his character. All in all, I think this was very wonderfully executed in a manner that makes it unforgettable.

Maybe Things to Consider Later: My first suggestion is maybe a little shallow as I have problems reading things that aren't double spaced, as in paragraphs. I got dizzy in the middle of some parts of the story because it was all kind of clumped together in a clusterfuck of impressively scenic words, but I don't know if it's a proper critique for that. However, double spacing does make the piece look nicer, cleaner. You could've also split the chapters up into...chapters instead of leaving it all one massive piece, but I know writers who feel that breaking up a story into separate chapters takes away from the story so I don't consider this a very serious suggestion. I also felt the need to point out Damon's sexuality in the beginning was unnecessary, but the reiteration of it near the end made it seem clever. On a personal note, I would've found it more impressive to leave it a mystery until that point; but it wasn't a big deal, and it is personal thing you can downright disregard as stupid. The Entry Logs for Black felt as if they were placed randomly, but their purpose was easily seen. Damon had many lapses in consciousness, I would suggest giving those logs a place in between those periods. It would make them seem more woven into the story rather than just thrown in there. I'm sure someone else could add something, but I can't think of anything else to say.

You did a fine job. I'm glad to have gotten to go on this roller coaster with Damon. Something like this will not be easily forgotten. ^_^