Dégoûtante - Comments

This is so beautifully written. There's a perfect balance between tension and peace, and I love how Slyvie's narration really lets the reader feel what she's feeling. I can understand her emotions so well and that really lends to her character too. I hope you continue this, because this is one of the most honest romances I've read on Mibba.

Oh my god! The first chapter has me hooked! I love Cassie, and I love that she's Spanish, you have my full attention now, mama! Definitely will keep reading!

The last three chapters, I don't know why you think they're not good, because they are beautiful. I can feel the inner turmoil Sylvie is feeling, how hard she's struggling to forget about who she loves for the fear she has of her mother. All those emotions are very tangible and they are frightening as well as beautiful.

How such fear is even tangible far away from her mother is perfect, because this fear doesn't just stop as soon as her mother is out of the picture, she has to keep up appearances and that Cassie protected her from the sight of another student was perfect; Cassie cares so much about her it hurts yet it feels beautiful.

On this last chapter you got me to the point of whispering to Sylvie to go make sure her mom wasn't home when she went visiting Cassie. I was terrified that that woman would come out of her home and into Cassie's. And then the contrast between Sylvie's mom and Cassie's mom; Cassie's mom is what a parent should be to a kid, supportive. I love her and her family so much.

I read the author's note don't rush for me! I still think these chapters were gorgeous and I don't see why would you rewrite them, but if you're rushing them for me, then please do not force yourself to post them I can be patient.

What the hell how do you omfg I just can't.
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This is beautiful. The writing is both consise and fluid, but you don't spare any details. Each sentence is rife with emotion, and it breaks my heart for these two young women to be facing adversity for their relationship. Any LGBTQ reader will identify so well with Sylvie, and understand her inner turmoil. But not only that, straight readers will get an insight to what it means to question who you are. This is powerful and brilliant. And it's almost painful to read your writing for the envy I feel at how perfect it is. Almost painful. But mainly perfect.

I've never read femmeslash before, but I'm glad I started with this one! The writing is just magnificent-- the details and descriptions are extremely well done and I think you've got a great story started! I can't wait to read more! You had me hooked with the summary.

I don't know what to say to you anymore, Nic. I DON'T. I just love you and your writing, okay? I subscribed and recommended and I'm sorry for this not being a legit comment but I loved it. I'm looking forward to more.

Okay will you please stop being so flawless? You're really killing me. I don't think I can handle falling in love with you even more.

I hate that her brother is blackmailing her for money. I hope we see a more of a companionship between the two of them, cause it breaks my heart that she is really in this alone. I mean she has Cassie, but the battle she is going through with herself has to be so hard without any sort of support. I'm dreading her mother finding out the truth, I have a feeling it's going to be a knockout kinda thing. I feel Cassie's frustration as well, which only further proves your awesomeness. Being able to make me empathize with all of these characters is mind blowing, it's what great writers do, and you do it flawlessly. Cassie just wants to be able to love her openly, and Sylvie is terrified of what her mother will do or say. I really hope she grows some lady balls and comes out. Be proud of yourself, not ashamed sort of thing. ;)

Love this, again, you rock.

I absolutely love all the description that you have, especially when describing Cassie and the things that she does. Sometimes, though, your description can be a little bit overpowering and take away from the story. In chapter two, I don't think you need a whole paragraph describing her room. Unless it actually says something about her as a character or you're going to make use of that information, it just sort of feels unnecessary. And at the beginning of chapter two, the description of Sylvie doing her homework also feels a little excessive. I like more of the description about the characters and their past/emotions, as opposed to the detailed description of their actions and surroundings.

There is not enough femme slash on here so first yay about that! I do like the odd good femme slash mainly because they're so rare :D

Anyway, again this is written amazingly. Your imagery and descriptions and everything are perfect and you really capture this intimate moment in a way that is very realistic and wonderful. Your characters personality come across with them saying very little in the prologue.

FIRST CHAPTER SO GURD. I love her brother and the fact that she can tell him everything c: The conflicting emotions she's feeling come across really powerfully and just everything is amazing.

I can't wait to see where this goes! :D

I was so shocked when I found out about the love triangle! this story hits close to home for me and it is making me sit here waiting for more!

So I read the story and I love it, I'm in desperate need to find out more about the girls and that's always a good sign. Although I normally don't read lesbian stories I still found this one to be perfect and I didn't see any errors that I could point out at this moment. Cassie was magnificent as well. Very nicely described.

Hello! Sorry for taking so long with your comment and recommendation, but here it is!

Well, I've never read femmeslash before, so this is already catching my attention just because of that. I also like the summary, it was very eye-catching. I think the way you described Slyvie's mom's behavior towards lesbians was very real since there's definitely people who act that way, and I felt bad when she told Slyvie not to be caught doing that. My favorite line out of the summary was the last one. That was just perfect.

I think my favorite part of the prologue was when you described Cassie in the third paragraph. "Sitting up before me, Cassie smiled, devious delight glittering in her bright eyes." I could clearly imagine the glint in Cassie's eye, and I thought it was pretty sultry. Then I felt bad at what she told her at the end, about how she was the only one pretending. The first chapter seemed a bit slow in my own opinion, but I suppose that's pretty normal for the beginning of any story. Still, it was good to get some more background on Sylvie and her brother. The ending really makes you wonder what Sylvie's mom is going to do though, I'm actually pretty worried for her. Her mom just seems... out of her mind.

I think it'd be a good idea to give a small translation whenever the characters speak another language. It confused me a bit and I don't trust online translators. I also noticed that there were a few small errors with comma placement, but it's nothing huge and everyone makes them on occasion. If you want to get that fixed, I'd suggest requesting a site beta! Overall, this was a great read for me. I thoroughly enjoyed it!

P.S. Thank you so much for the comment upon my small story, The Hermit. It meant a lot and I'm happy you thought it was inspirational.

My nitpickies first:

You really like commas, and commas are wonderful, but you’re overusing them a little bit Double check for comma-splices. Otherwise, I can’t find anything wrong with your structure.

I would also be careful of block paragraphs of description. The one place I really noticed it was in Sylvia’s description of Cassie’s room. It just read a little awkwardly. This is not the first time she’s been in Cassie’s room, and she probably doesn’t take stock of it in panning detail every time she’s in there. Only mention the important stuff – stay concise.

NOW. My absolute favorite thing about this story? The title. I didn’t even have to know what it meant (though of course I did look it up) to love it. The fact that it’s not English really gave it the feel of old European tradition, which, after reading what you’ve posted, I can see is going to be really important to the plot. Sylvia’s mom is such a religious zealot. It’s going to be interesting to see where this goes.

This was amazing. I love your writing style. There is a balance for everything too. I also love the story. It's real. Not none of that fantasy stuff. Like this can and will happen to people. It's very good. I loved it.

I love twisted triangles and evil moms! This is really interesting, and though I can't pronounce the title, I'm excited to read more.

I'm not a fan of femmeslash. I don't know why but I just can't really read it. But this story is amazing. You have a great writing style. I feel sorry for this Sylvie girl because she's just so confused.

I really love the layout. Simple but draws me in. Secondly the description to the story really got me wanting to read the story. You have a way with words and they just flow. Love the concept of how her mom is totally against same sex relationships and is strong in her belief that they will go to hell. Also I like the twist that Sylvie is what her mother hates. I can almost see the drama that follows that.

Firstly like everyone else I love your layout it's perfect! Your description is great which is a bonus for me because I love stories with decent description! Your plot is pretty unique from what I've read on here! And your flow is great! Apart from a couple of grammatical errors this is a brilliant piece of work! Nicely done!

I love this. I really like your writing style— it flows and there is a good mix of dialogue and description, and it all works very well with the mood of the story.

The plot is something that is hardly touched upon in stories on here, and I'm interested to see where you go with it. Sylvia and Cassandra already have a certain amount of depth to their characters, which is great considering there are only two chapters written so far.

Not to mention, the layout just fits.

Overall, I really like this so far and I am looking forward to what is going to happen next

First off your layout is beautiful. Its simple and beautiful. I like how you touch on the LGBT subject and how teens are struggling with it when they live in religious homes. Youre grammar and description are great and I really like Sylvia. I usually dont read same sex stories but Im going to Sub and Rec this because its a beautiful story and I want to see where it goes.