October - Comments

Prize Time!
This is fanfiction, so I probably won't understand if there are any references to something or someone. We'll just ignore my ignorance to whatever this is fanfiction of and focus on the writing, though.

I'm interested already by the beginning, I find myself wondering what her mistake was and wanting to know more about her backstory. One thing I noticed was, "a million of pieces", this should be just 'a million pieces' withou the 'of'. Also, "his hair was brown but he saw the faint streaks" - I think you meant that she saw the streaks, right? It's interesting that she just snipped off her hair, haha, it says a lot about her character as I don't know many people who would do that. The second chapter was lovely, I loved the description of her hair and I really get a sense for what is going on in the story.

Overall, I think this is pretty good, and I admire how well you can tell a story in such a limited amount of words... I tend to ramble on and on, as you can probably tell from this comment itself, haha. Congrats on third place!

You don't know how confused I was at the end of the first chapter. I misread it and thought that he randomly cut her hair and I was like WHAT THE HELL I WOULD KILL SOME ASS HAT I MET IN THE STREET THAT CUT MY HAIR. But then I reread and was like oh, never mind. She cut her own hair. Anyway, the first chapter was very interesting. I want so badly to know what happened to her that all of these people are speaking so harshly about her! The way you mentioned the 'mistake' but never reveled what the mistake was was like ooooh. The sound I made reminded me of the 'Ooooh' that the aliens make in Toy Story. I want to know what happened so. damn. bad. I don't even care that this is fan fiction, you write it to the point that I don't have to know what it's from to appreciate and enjoy it. I really like that about your writing.

Oh, the first chapter made me sad but it really made me want to read more. I can understand what it's like to have to pretend you don't care when people are talking about you.

But I like your writing style. It's very simple, but descriptive enough that I could see it in my head like a movie. You have a knack for telling a story, and doing it really well.

I liked how you switched point of views, because it allowed us as the readers to see the story from another perspective which I thought added a whole new element. Good job!

I seriously admire your writing style. It's really simple and pretty and just. GAH. I love it. And I hope this story gets readers and subs and reccs soon! It's very lovely. I hope you don't mind me subscribing.

I just noticed one little typo thingy that's kind of bugging me: Other people made mistakes worse than hers so what made hers special enough to make people call her a slut and a whore for doing that? Wasn't it enough that they made her heart break into a million of pieces? I don't think you need the "of"? Or maybe I've simple never heard this kind of grammar before.

But, either way, I really enjoyed this chapter and hope you post more in the near future. Maybe I'll love pictures of this guy from Teen Pop in between now and then.

Oh, her name is October. Well, that's a very different and unique name for a character. I initially thought the title meant the month so that's unexpected.

I like the simplicity of the layout and how you kept it all neutral. I think the chapter links would look better being on a white background than a grey one, since they themselves are grey.

I'm usually not a fan of summaries that are set-up like this. The Leading girl was ____ and Famous guy was ____ until he met her thing tends to appear in a lot of cliché fanfics so it typically turns me off. However, I think it was different the way you described Yoo Chang Hyun. He's content in life and that's not something I typically find in fan fictions. For some reason, the guy is always troubled, so I like that he's got it pretty good and realises that, he's not opposed to there being more in life though.

October's backstory is quite interesting. You raise a lot of questions in the first chapter of what happened to make her neighbours look down on her with disgust and who broke her heart. I think her cutting her hair off like that and apologising to him says a lot about her.

I like the narration and the simple language, but I do feel there are some superfluous details, like that her mother sent her to the store specifically for napkins. It just felt like that was unimportant so it stuck out to me as awkward.

This seems like a promising start. Mainly, I really dig Yoo Chang Hyun's character at this point, although his appearance was brief. He just seems like an optimistic kind of guy and that's refreshing. While October is kind of jaded in comparison, I did like the little bit hint of her being not as cold as she appears when she smiled when her mum text her. I'm curious to see how you'll develop her and how they'll actually come to know each other, as well as looking forward to finding out about October's past. Keep it up!