In the Dark - Comments

I am so sorry for the late comment! Anyway, here's my constructive criticism.

Layout:

You've given me a beautiful layout to look at and adore from the screen of my laptop. I loved it even though it didn't have anything fancy on it. It just mainly composed of a photo and a background image. I was impressed with the layout because you don't have to add anything else to make it look beautiful. It just naturally is.

Characters:

Even though I don't know her name, I somehow feel that we're alike in some ways. Her pain and agony -just the way you've written it- made me feel for her. You haven't added much dialogue other than one that came from her mouth: Are you sure we can't fix this?. And my heart just literally stopped. It made me hurt deep inside even though I've never broken up with a guy because I've never been in a relationship.

ARE YOU STUPID. DON'T LEAVE HER THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU YOU DON'T JUST LEAVE HER LIKE THAT CRYING AND SOBBING WHEN SHE WANTS TO JUST BE WITH YOU AND WORK THINGS OUT.

Writing Style:

So far, I haven't seen any spelling or grammatical mistakes. It's good because with a short story like that, people would easily see the mistakes. Good for you that I haven't found any.

I believe that each person's writing style is unique and has a specific category where they're really good at. I don't think I've read any of your stories yet other than this but I do believe that they're good as well. I think if I were to read your other stories, I would say that your handwriting is versatile. It can work with any genre you'd like as long as you focus your mind to it.

Overall:

I agree with the users below me. The story just packed so much emotion and feeling that I admit, can't put in my own stories. With only a few words for dialogue, you've given much emotion as to what she was feeling. This was further emphasized with the good beautiful description you've written.

This was so short but so beautiful. You packed so many emotions into such a short piece. It was lovely. :)

Oh thank you god, you know the definition of short. some people have given me 'short' stories that are not very short. ANYWAY, I really liked this. I love vague and ambiguous short stories that I am not given the complete back story on. I can't decide whether it was the girl's fault this guy left or he just decided to pack up and leave. That could completely shift and change the whole meaning of the story, change who the reader actually feels bad for. Honestly, I do not feel bad for this girl. I don't know why I feel this way, but just the underlying feeling I have. I don't know. I just feel like the way she said "are you sure we can't work on this?" I feel like that was a subtle way of saying FUCK MY LIFE I'M SORRY TAKE ME BACK DONT LEAVE I'M SORRY I SCREWED EVERYTHING UP. I really enjoyed this story though, because it made me think. I really can't stress to you how much I love short, simple pieces like this that present a piece of a scene, a simple moment in time, and they get you thinking about well, what happened before? What now? Where does it go from here? This piece is completely 100% effective in that respect. Great job! :) ❤

First, the layout is gorgeous, and the banner was perfect. The title looks really cool as well, I liked that.

So, I'm trying to figure out how this made me feel. It was odd, in a way, because you wrote it in such a way that I felt like I could feel the emotions of this girl, all the sadness she was feeling, and I felt like I was in her place. But I also felt like I was watching everything happen and it was a really sad scene in a movie.

The way you worded everything was wonderful, and the way you described everything without creating all these elaborate descriptions was what really made the story for me. It was almost simple, but not plain at all.

But yes, beautiful story, lovely job!

I felt like the title of this story really matched the general story vibes it gives off (though the layout definitely helped in that aspect too). I feel like the sadness (the melancholiness?) starts from the first sentence. Like straight off from the word "packing" I know he's going to be leaving. And then it was just words strung into beautiful sentences and heartbreaking moments, like the pause in the doorway with the sigh, the relatively pitiful question, and the slam of the door. That those were the moments included in the story really made it. It's kind of like it buttoned up the story and basically what I'm trying to say is that I think this is perfect in a beautiful sad way.

To start, the layout of this story is great. I like the banner a lot, I just think it's really nice and I like how the colors in the banner match up well with the colors in the background picture. Things like that just make me want to read a story more.

Wow, was the first word that came to mind after reading that. That was really sad and kind of upsetting. I felt bad for this girl and I kind of resent the guy; I wonder why he had left and what things happened between them but it's not like the reader needs to know to be impressed by this story. I think it was great and very nice, but sad.

So sad, but really good!

I really enjoyed reading this. It was simple and didn't focus on her disability. It made me want to crave more, and yet I felt satisfied when it was over. It's not personal, leaving out her name and anything about her, and yet I feel like I know her. Truly fantastic. I was really impressed with the use of the other senses. You didn't obnoxiously use each of them, but you used just the right ones that gave off the perfect effect. I felt in pain, I felt her sorrow and slight despair. I think my favorite line by far was : "The front door banged shut. She hadn't even heard him walk away." Fantastic job!

I enjoyed this very much. It's gripping and I literally felt beautifuly sad inside. Great work!