July 25th, 2015 at 12:35am
*Comment Swap*
Why?! Why can't they have sex? XD But seriously I loved your plot. It's really addicting and I can't wait to see where you'll take it. I loved Lauren's character. I'd make chapters longer since they're really short and I think you could write them longer. But other than that it's great! Good job!
I haven't read a vampire story in a while, probably since the massive twilight craze, and this was nice. I forgot that I used to enjoy them and I think my thirteen year old self reappeared as I read this.
It's a very nice story, the plot is strong and I like how we slowly learn about the mythical creatures of vampires and those bizarre shape shifters with Lauren. Her back story seems interesting and I am glad that her mother isn't actually dead, that was a good cliff hanger to finish your last chapter on.
Something that could be improved is the amount of talking. You seem to focus mostly on discussions between the characters and although it is a good way to get a lot of information quickly it does make the story less fluid. I think you rely a little too much on the cute gifs you post at the end of your chapters to display how the characters are behaving and what they look like. Adding some discription from Lauren's eyes would make this story really strong.
Besides that, I enjoyed the story. Was well written, and I liked your writing style. You portray natural communication well:)