Just Friends - Comments

  • Lil'Biskette

    Lil'Biskette (150)

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    Hi from comment swap

    I liked your title, simple, catchy, pretty good. Your layout was surprisingly good even with the yellow (not a fan of yellow) and I could actually read your text haha great job so far. Now, your tense, I love the third person idea, although you give away too many things. It would be better, I think, to acknowledge in your writing the different details of the characters as your plot goes forward instead of telling us she works there, he does this and so forth. Your begging, I have a problem with this too, is very common. Waking up to some sort of weather outside, try to start off with a sentence that will get readers to think and anticipate the rear of your story. Haha, then awaken your protagonist. I enjoyed your plot a lot actually, your descriptions weren't too much and your character development is good too. Keep it up, good work.
    January 3rd, 2014 at 06:46am
  • littlebabyanything

    littlebabyanything (100)

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    My thougjt process during this: Yes, I bite my friends' upper tights as well. This is what friends do.

    Oh, okay, not friends. Not friends AT ALL.

    He has a girlfriend you skank! And where's Ariel? And they were at it for hours and didn't have sex? Is that humanly possible?

    Only one note: If he has a girlfriend, how could they leave it at that sweet note? Does he not feel even slightly guilty? Is he an asshole? He sounds like an asshole. They should definetly talk about that, and Ava should be feeling like shit. LIKE SHIT.

    And also, it's been 8 days. More plz.
    June 26th, 2013 at 01:03am
  • blonde.

    blonde. (200)

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    @ verrloren.
    Thank-you very much!
    June 19th, 2013 at 02:19am
  • laredo.

    laredo. (100)

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    Hello from comment swap. For someone that hasn't written in a while, this is really great. You're talented and it shows in your language and details. I like when I can imagine things while reading a story and you did just that. I have a feeling this is going to be really interesting!

    Plus the layout is pretty. Anyway, this is great. I hope you keep up with this.
    June 18th, 2013 at 11:08pm
  • blonde.

    blonde. (200)

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    @ I'mDifferent
    Thank-you. I will update soon.
    I will figure out something for the chapter names.
    June 18th, 2013 at 10:12pm
  • I'mDifferent

    I'mDifferent (100)

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    Ahh! That was interesting XD can't wait for more chapters. But I don't know what you should name them.
    June 17th, 2013 at 08:59pm
  • blonde.

    blonde. (200)

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    @ I'mDifferent
    It is:) Haha
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:45pm
  • blonde.

    blonde. (200)

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    @ I'mDifferent
    I am excited too.
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:45pm
  • I'mDifferent

    I'mDifferent (100)

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    @ blonde.
    Alright! I can't wait! I feel this story is about to get very very interesting XD
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:44pm
  • blonde.

    blonde. (200)

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    @ I'mDifferent
    I am going to try and update every single day. The story is based on true events actually so I already have almost the entire plot put together. Its just a matter of having time to type it all up.
    June 16th, 2013 at 11:06pm
  • I'mDifferent

    I'mDifferent (100)

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    @ blonde. Now I'm to excited for the next chapter! What days do you update? Or do you just update when an idea sparks across your mind?
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:46pm
  • blonde.

    blonde. (200)

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    @ I'mDifferent
    Thank-you so much for the comment. It was a very vague foreshadowing. If you don't find it, that's okay because in the next chapter, you will find out. :)
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:32pm
  • I'mDifferent

    I'mDifferent (100)

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    I really like this story. And I can't wait for more chapters! Hopefully very soon?! And honestly I didn't see the foreshadowing but I'm gonna read this again to see if I missed anything. But I'm looking forward to more chapters XD
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:30pm
  • littlebabyanything

    littlebabyanything (100)

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    This won't be as long as the last one, I don't really have that much to say... I'm waiting for it to kick off :)
    June 16th, 2013 at 10:26pm
  • littlebabyanything

    littlebabyanything (100)

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    Well, there's no doubt that you're a talented writer. The language is really good, and you're detailed, which gives the reader a lot of mental images. I'm about to leave for college myself, and I have to pay too much for an apartment in the city, so I imagine my life will be pretty much like this.

    I like the names, especially Ariel, I friggin love that name. I might have to borrow it.

    To me, it's a bit too much information for the first chapter. It's sort of heavy to read, and I think that's what would first and foremost put off new, potential readers. It's not a bad thing, really, but at a site like this, you sort of have to ease the readers into it. you do that in the summary though, so it's really all good.

    You give away a lot of the plot up front, but in this case, I like it. Already there's some tension, Isabelle is obviously gotta go, but be careful not to make her too unlikable, try to avoid the stereotypes!

    I love the look of Darren. In my head he sort of looks like that guy in Grey's Anatomy. Yum. Also, he seems too kind for his own good, and while a lot of girl like 'em bad, I'm a sucker for the good ones. They're just lovely.

    Exited to see the other characters you mention in the summary, other boys? Everyone loves mulitple love-triangles.

    I'll subscribe, because I genuinely like it, and I HOPE YOU STICK TO IT. You need to get back into the groove of things. Things will get easier as you go. Lots of love, and I'll be back for the next chapter!
    June 16th, 2013 at 02:32am