The Sweetest Thing - Comments

  • lilia spinas.

    lilia spinas. (150)

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    Member
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    28
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    United States
    I'll admit that kids scare me. They seem really cute and adorable in concept, but then you hear all these horror stories and such and– Well, the point is, even though I'm weary of kids myself, your story makes it seem really worth it. It definitely is the Sweetest Thing and made me smile completely. It is, in a word, adorable.

    Grammar wise, I noticed this: there should be no comma after "as he fell deeper into the land of dreams." Other than that, it was all great. there was some points where I was a little confused by the wording. For example: "squatting ever so slightly so as to gently rock to sleep the little bundle" and "the bed looked more comfortable than it ever had. " There was nothing wrong with these sentences grammatically, but I did have to go back and make sure I read them right. So you could change the wording there to make it clearer, if you wanted to.

    Overall, this story is super cute and really beautiful at the same time. Cute
    June 18th, 2013 at 01:46am