Kian - Comments

i just want to say the layout is so lovely. The banner and the colors and just... wow. ::drool: The verb part of the summary causing this deep foreboding in me. Like, something major is going to happen and it makes me super curious as to what the heck is going to happen.

I loved the first line, it really pulled me in. Definitely with it described as a hook. You could have completely cut the first line out but it wouldn't have started the story with the impact it needed.
My only complaint is this line, it doesn't read as smooth as everything else.
“...excitement you’re visioning because I'd..."
Maybe try:
“...excitement you’re envisioning because I'd..."
The word works so much better but you are more than welcome to keep it the way it is. I'm just weird about how things flow sometimes.

I really like Kian, he is definitely going to be trouble... but cute trouble.

the new layout is gorgeous and crumm is amazing and I can't handle all of my feels.

Also omg the Christian camp thing, hilarious

AH I LOVE THIS. I adore everything about this, ah. Kian is the definition of "tease" and none of it is okay. love it.

I LITERALLY SCREAMED WHEN I SAW THIS WAS UPDATE.

Kina is a tease. Oh my god. I can't even handle my excitement.

*sprinkles fairy dust onto your comments section* it is i, cleopatra. princess of dusk. i have come to award you your special treat from my blog. ik it's nothing much being a senseless comment & all, but i put aside some serious time to do this! (im @ work, don't tell my boss). let me just go on to say that when i first started reading this, i thought maybe it was my horrible vision that made me see stars (bc i don't have my glasses on) but your layout is actually moving! or...glittering. i love that. totally caught me off guard. can you tell im extraordinarily observant?

chap one // monkey business

i really adore the way you open up this story by comparing kian & john. immediately you know there's going to be some serious attraction to both characters but for completely different reasons that will also put our bby bro beth in the spotlight. "kian came into my story like he was something you’d see wash up on the beach. john was like a boat. never actually setting his feet down onto land." i love this line so much. i love this comparison while using the seven seas as a steady base but also bringing up two differing points that basically show how kian & john are far from the same. i also like how beth conjures up a kissing booth scenario to make some cash for good cause. it's interesting to think of something so innocent, but not so much in the eyes of john. which is why i have to step back & also be like "seriously??? you have a bf so why even???" let me just say, john took it much more nicely than i would've. but then again, i hate ppl & relationships so idk. but back to the story! it's interesting knowing that "monkey business" is how beth & kian came together. something that was supposed to start off innocent but inevitably starts a chain reaction.

chap two // summer was another thing

i like how blunt of a character beth happens to be. "john was the reason why i loved kian." i love the honesty behind this line. i feel like characters that are told from first p.o.v are held back a lot, but you see immense development of who beth's character happens to be. she's straight-forward about her thoughts & not afraid to admit to herself (as well as the reader) the truth behind her actions. also the fact that kian & john are cousins made me cringe when i first read this. talk about awkward for beth. totally not something you'd wanna find out after having more than just a one-time fling w/ some guy when you're already in a relationship. what a bust though. no matter how hard beth tries to stay away from this dude & become more isolated than need be, things aren't going the way she's planned & that is just so awkward.

chap three // flying into paultown

it's interesting how beth claims "we’ll get back to that later on with the story." because it expresses the set up of this story in itself and how despite her telling of it, there's still so much for us as the readers to digest. it's brilliant & i adored that touch. seriously kudos to you for that. getting a little taste of beth's family life in the third paragraph is short, simple & totally sweet. you get a feel for her family makeup in just a few words. i also love how kian's words are twisted in beth's head. it's like she's come down w/ some sickness of sorts (perhaps guilt bc that'd make a lot of sense). this dreamy vibe im getting out of her makes her so real, i love it. also you're so cruel for throwing out that mrs. olsen finds out about beth & kian but that's a 'story for later'. man i had my hopes all up & shit. i like that chapter three is a filler. those are just a refreshing breath to me.

overall, i really like what you have going. i will admit im not a fan of romance stories much like this & i really don't sympathize w/ characters that cheat on others let alone that being dating one cousin & going after the other, but this was really interesting. i like the way you've set it up for the readers & it's very easy to read & flows together greatly. aside a few spelling mistakes & grammar errors, kian's a great story & it seems like a lot of other people think so as well. keep it up!

I MISS THIS STORY

also this layout is bomb as hell

although i am missing that narrative form of her meeting Kian, kissing Kian and such :(((((

although i am missing that narrative form of her meeting Kian, kissing Kian and such :(((((

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
"Do you love him?" –> "Do you want me to prep the vegetables or start the dishes?"
I AM DYING
AND DIGGING THIS REVAMP

OH MY GOD
KIAN WHAT
MY TEARS
POOR KIAN
POOR BETH
POOR JOHN :((((((((
HATING MY LIFE RN WOW

OH MY GOD
KIAN WHAT
MY TEARS
POOR KIAN
POOR BETH
POOR JOHN :((((((((
HATING MY LIFE RN WOW

WOW
MOMMA BITCH IS MORE LIKE IT
DO NOT LIKE
DO NOT WANT
GO AWAY MOMMA BETH
you are not wanted
despite your advice
and despite how wrong Bethany cheating on John is???
or how traditionally wrong it is, anyway
at this point idc
i just want kIAN

OH MY GOD THAT ENTIRE CHAPTER'S WORDING WOW
YOU WRITE LIKE A GODDESS HOLY SHIT
all those words were just mere perfection
you have a way with words, and you deliver that through Kian and i just can't handle it wow
that was beautiful

LET ME LOVE KIAN TOO UGH SO PHILOSOPHICAL WITH HIS 'WHAT IS LOVE, BETHANY' I WANT TO SET UP A KISSING BOOTH JUST FOR HIM LIKE CAN I DO THAT OR NO

Oh my gosh, a kissing booth?! That's freaking adorable. Even though she has a boyfriend like I don't even care.

oh man i totally think Aunt Jean will find out
SHE'S GOT INTUITION OK SHE IS A MOTHER AFTER ALL
but i think i may be Team John FOR NOW ((mostly bc i'm partial to John bc of someone else and bc Kian just ugh i'm in love with him already and that is unhealthy)) ಠ_ಠ

Sobbing because he sounds so attractive. And he's Dylan O'Brien, so I know he's attractive. You're killing me with the description, girl.

MUST BREATHE OH MY GOD I WANTED THEM TO KISS SO BADLY. I understand your reasoning for not having it yet BUT I AM STILL SOBBING BECAUSE THE TENSION BETWEEN THEM. Hahahaa. I love them together so much. I can't even take it.

I love this story. ^_^

This might be partly because you used Dylan O'Brien as the face claim but HOLY HELL KIAN I AM ON YOUR SHIP.
This idea is so endearing I swear. And you're such a tease with that latest chapter!
Keep it up, guuurl.

Ugh at first I was like dawn of light is at it again writing stories with the cutest layouts and all that and I really wanted to walk away and X out because I'm supposed to be asleep damn it but you're an ace writer so I clicked the first chapter and goddamnit I hate you ugh
KIAN IS TOO PERF OK AND I HATE LOVE TRIANGLES (with a passion) BUT I LOVE THIS ALREADY SO I HAVE NO CHOICE UGH
THIS IS SO LOVELY
And I mean I totally agree, like c'mon bro, bro code??? And I feel bad for Johnny boy cause no one deserves to be lied to, y'know? Ugh freaking love triangles! But yeah, I love how clean and easy to read your style is but there's also that layer of detail and creativity that always has me coming back for more even when I try to resist???
Uh fuck
I'm so done with Kian
(Also is everyone casting Dylan as their male roles to give me a heart attack? Cause this isn't funny - my attraction to Dylan is no joke tbh)

So sorry for this scrambled comment but uhm, I really like this so far!

cocky Kian hot dAMN
also I love this layout
WAIT LMFAO HE'S A CUTE POTATO
I'M GOING TO CALL PEOPLE CUTE POTATOES NOW
but in all honesty, Kian's kind of a jerk to his cousin. Whatever happened to the bro code?