Baby Girl, Don't Cry - Comments

Comment Swap

This is a very good start so far! I really love the first paragraph especially "enough syrup to fill the Tennessee River. Twice." Your descriptive writing is nice but I find the paragraphs too long. Maybe work on breaking those up.

But what struck me as odd was that everyone is hungover but Mia, the grandmother didn't even acknowledge the fact? That doesn't seem believable to me.

Also, in the first chapter, I was confused on which character was the main character. I was tossed into a mix of characters, unsure which one I should focus on for the story. But after that chapter it was clearer to see who it is. Brooklyn.

This story is very lighthearted, has an easy feeling to it and perfect because well it is a summer story after all and laziness and laid back describes that season well.

Very good start!

Very interesting story, glad I got the opportunity to read it! It's quite amazing actually, not to mention your skills at writing in general. . And that makes for a really great story as well. It's very lighthearted so far and the layout makes even more cheerful. Your opening sentence hooked me, I just had to read on because it didn't give enough info away for me to decide if I liked it or not. And I like how it wasn’t just a typical love at first sight story like I’ve seen in too many stories to count!

I read all all three chapters about three times before I've decided to comment.
The first time I read this, I thought it was the most boring story. I thought it was too slow, and your descriptions were bland and stoic and I thought there was no flow. I didn't want to comment this because I thought I was being really harsh and crazy so I decided to wait and read it again.
The second time I realized I was being a complete asshole. This story isn't going too slow, it's not stoic. You're descriptions are very nice and help create the setting. Though I still din't comment because I wanted to make sure so I waited even more time.
The third time I read this I was like WOW. This is absolutely amazing. It's well written, minimal mistakes, and just an overall good story so far. I really like your character development, and the setting in your story. I can't wait to read more.

I love how you develop your characters through their interactions with each other. It shows a lot about them as people, and just from the first few chapters you’ve made them all seem so real. Liam and Brooklyn’s relationship in particular was something I found quite interesting, and I like how it wasn’t just a typical “love at first sight” deal like I’ve seen in too many stories to count. Your descriptions are really thorough and I think it adds a lot to the story – the setting is an important part of storytelling that many authors tend to overlook, but you’re doing an awesome job at making the atmosphere really down-home and warm. Overall, this is awesome so far! :D

From comment swap.
The way you described the morning was lovely- it seemed like a nice, typical summer morning. It felt very homey. In some places, it seemed like you were describing things a little too much. It just made a few sentences awkward to read. I just really love how light-hearted this story is. Great job!

*Comment Swap*
So first, I like your layout. It's simple but you can kind of get a feel for the story already. Your intro was great, I love how you described the morning. However, try not to overly describe things. There were a few sentences that I had to reread to understand the thought, so maybe proof read a few times before posting! Other than that, good!

I think you have a really good start to this! The first few paragraphs really gave me that homestyle southern summer kind of feel, with the way you were describing the breakfasts and it just had this really cozy feeling to it. The only thing I didn't really like (which is very small) is that the two characters were Mia and Mya. I just thought that those names were too similar. I'm sure you did it for a reason, but it made it a bit more work to follow for me. Other than that, I think you have a really great start to your story!

I'm here from the comment swap and I'm happy to have found the story. It's very lighthearted so far and the layout makes even more cheerful. It makes me feel like I'm having a fun summer when in reality I'm sitting back at my computer most days, haha! Your descriptions are excellent and I can picture everything in my mind. I really think this has potential to be a great story. Nice work.

Here from Le Comment Swap.
Firstly I freaking love your layout! I don't know why, but I just really like it. Your opening sentence hooked me, I just had to read on because it didn't give enough info away for me to decide if I liked it or not, which was a good way to start off! I like how the interaction between characters seems real, like how actual people could communicate in that situation. Overall I really liked it, I'm looking forward to more.