Like the Ticking of the Clock - Comments

  • n. josten

    n. josten (1270)

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    I’m here again as the new host for ‘The Writing Contest’.

    This was so, so, so well-written. I had absolutely no idea that it was a fanfiction until I saw the link to The Unpopular Fandom contest. So I’m definitely not familiar with A Separate Peace at all, but the way you wrote this made it where I didn’t have to be at all. You familiarized me with the characters, even Finny, where there was never a point where I was lost. It honestly read wholly like original fiction, it was so well done. You gave me years and years of backstory without actually overwhelming me in detail. You balanced the backstory with the current struggles by using key points in Gene’s childhood that shaped him into the adult he is now.

    I really thought that this was going to take a dark turn, like Gene was going to commit suicide or end up in some serious trouble at a cheap bar, but I loved the way you went instead. It was so heartbreaking and sad, but it was also moving and hopeful. It was closure. To have Finny come to Gene and tell him that he needed to forgive himself because Finny had already long ago was just. Absolutely beautiful. It’s not where I expected this to go but I’m so glad I was wrong. I think that the memory of Finny is always going to hurt and be bright in Gene’s mind, but it won’t come with a heavy burden of guilt now. In the end, it felt like he could finally move on and breathe.

    Overall, I just loved this so much. Fantastic job.
    July 5th, 2017 at 05:31am
  • Mr. Darcy

    Mr. Darcy (16090)

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    When Finny first appeared at the bar, I thought this was going to another ghost story where he returns to put the blame on to the shoulders of the one who is alive - Gene, in this instance. I mean, he had been feeling guilty all the way up until getting to the bar - in fact his feeling guilty is why he made it to the bar, which is also why I thought he'd be in that drunken frenzy where he gets all this blame put onto him and the story takes a dark twist afterwards.

    But it didn't! And I must say, I was kind of surprised that it ended as it did. It was a good ending, fitting as well, and uplifting and hopeful. He's realised that sure, he pushed him out of the tree but Finny, wherever he went when he died, forgave him and it was about time that he forgave himself.

    I have to say that I never once thought that this was a fanfiction because, even though I don't know the fandom, it's not a oneshot where you need to know about the fandom in order to appreciate it. Because, honestly, I really liked this. I like how you summarised the moments that defines his childhood in such a way that it didn't sound all that bad, with how Finny - even though he couldn't himself - attempted to get Gene to make something of himself making the next few lines that run up to his death less tragic. It sounds strange, I know, but knowing that fact about Finny trying to get Gene to do something for himself kind of softened the blow of his death.

    This is a really telling story about finding closure, and even when you do the peace may be there but you'll always remember, however little or big. It's a real sweet piece and I enjoyed reading this.
    November 7th, 2014 at 01:53am
  • Ethan Chandler.

    Ethan Chandler. (115)

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    @ house of cards.
    Thank you! I'm really glad you enjoyed it!
    February 8th, 2014 at 08:03pm
  • nearly witches.

    nearly witches. (15250)

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    Here judging the round one entries for Sixth Time's the Charm! Cute

    I can't say I've heard of Separate Peace, but that didn't matter because once I got into this, you gave enough information for me to be able to read it as an original fiction. I love that you sort of cycled through an entire life in such a short space of time. You give a little background into Gene's life and then go on to describe how Finny's death affected him in such an adverse way, all in the space of what...3 paragraphs? That's impressive. I actually expected the story to go off and have Gene commit suicide or something like that but then you brought Finny back into it and I think that was a really nice, sweet touch. I love that he does materialise to tell Gene to let go and get some closure. It seems final and when I reached the end, I got the sense that it really was over and although Finny's memory was going to remain firmly engrained in Gene's head, he was also going to move past his grief and live his life as he should have.

    This was a really sweet little piece and I really enjoyed it. Good job!
    January 30th, 2014 at 08:20pm
  • mysunshiner

    mysunshiner (100)

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    [Comment swap] This is a great piece of work. To be honest, I am actually not familiar with the fan-fiction that this story is of. Apparently Separate Peace..? Anyway, that aside, you have really great fluency in your writing. Also through your writing you effectively give the character a real sense of personality and unique voice. To be honest, I have no criticism. Well done!
    July 13th, 2013 at 03:41pm
  • Ethan Chandler.

    Ethan Chandler. (115)

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    @ your_one_addiction
    Thanks! I'm glad I'm not the only one who loved that book xD
    July 8th, 2013 at 09:16pm
  • midnight_walker

    midnight_walker (100)

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    you wrote a fanfic on a separate peace! you're the tits! honestly i don't have words. my freshman english teacher would be proud. i'm still too wrapped up in the fact that someone as amazing as you exists in the world and wrote a story based on a separate peace. i loved the way you brought Finn back and this is how Gene is able to come to terms with what happened. This was great and I loved this book in highschool. Kudos.
    July 8th, 2013 at 09:14pm
  • Ethan Chandler.

    Ethan Chandler. (115)

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    @ Artist Vs. Poet
    Thanks! I'm glad you liked it :)
    July 8th, 2013 at 07:14am
  • chelseycate

    chelseycate (150)

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    I'm currently on my iPhone using the mobile version of the site so I can't see your layout right now. But the story itself is good!
    I love sad stories, for some reason, and this is no exception.
    I like the description of Finny and overall it was good!
    I wasn't really paying attention to grammar and spelling and nothing stuck out to me. So good job!
    July 8th, 2013 at 04:52am
  • Maddi;

    Maddi; (6100)

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    Aww, this was really sad. I like that you started off with showing Gene's depression through the use of the bar and his drinking, and then moved into the reason he was depressed. At first I thought the drinking wasn't going to have much to do with the story, but I'm glad that it was actually an important part and there was a reason behind it.

    I like that this story is set in a completely different time than the present or the future, because that tends to be what I see stories focus on. And I like that the characters weren't the typical teenagers.

    I did notice that you make some errors with semi-colons and putting them in places that you don't need them. I'd look for an article on the web with some info about semi colons so you can use them correctly. Other than that, great story!
    June 27th, 2013 at 06:40am
  • LucyLove

    LucyLove (100)

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    This is just phenomenal. I'm not sure if it's a one-shot, but it felt like it was complete at the end. So I think it was.

    Anyway, you are really just a fantastic writer. The bond between the narrator and Finny was so sweet. I love story's about friendship.

    You really are just awesome. I didn't think I was gonna like it, but it was so touching and heartfelt, and even sad. This is great. You're great.
    June 27th, 2013 at 04:08am
  • Ne0nAbyss

    Ne0nAbyss (465)

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    This was sad :(

    I loved it so much though and I completely wish I could keep reading but there's no more to read; I feel so bad for Gene that he had killed his best friend. I personally didn't see any errors but I was so focused on the story I can't really say I was looking T-T
    As for your authors note, I know that problem xD
    June 27th, 2013 at 02:58am
  • JeremyTheThirteenth

    JeremyTheThirteenth (105)

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    This was so sad, but it was lovely and I loved how it told the whole backstories and everything. I was a bit confused at first, but as the story flowed along I related to the characters and the whole guilt thing. It's a big of a mystery to find out if Gene was drunk and hallucinating or if Fin actually was giving his last goodbyes, and if so, where was he these past 20 years? Maybe it was purposely played out so Gene would be where he was now, and that's how everything led up to seeing Fin and ending his life of guilt. I love the quote in the layout, I don't think I ever seen one like it. :) Spelling and grammar was excellent, I didn't pay much attention to it though because I was sucked up into the story like when I'm reading a book. :}
    June 22nd, 2013 at 12:30pm
  • wildest dreams

    wildest dreams (100)

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    WOW. You're layout is lovely. Also goes along well with the story, considering, it turned out to be a little sad. :( But over all, it was very well written and the characters are very interesting, I liked the way you chose to precise them. Lovely. Sadly it's only a one-shot, but a wonderful one. :DD
    June 22nd, 2013 at 01:37am
  • capheus

    capheus (100)

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    I didn't get to check the layout but I will when I'm on a computer. I liked this story, but it was a bit sad (as it should be). I wasn't checking for any spelling or grammar mistakes, and even just looking back i didn't really find any.

    I thought it was longer than it needed to be but it was still good because it was giving backstory and helped clear up things later on in the story.

    I did really like this, and I felt like the characters were really real. It was a good story. I'm not very good at writing comments on one-shots, I'm sorry. Facepalm
    June 22nd, 2013 at 12:10am
  • Snow.White.Queen.

    Snow.White.Queen. (100)

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    Here from your blog!

    So even before I started to read I was intrigued by the layout and your title. On starting off, I was hooked by the first paragraph. It's just one of those stories where I find it extremely hard to stop reading, I just had to find out what was going to happen next. I love how you've kept the description of Finny short, but yet how you can almost imagine him as someone you know. I have no idea why, but when I found out he died, I was heartbroken, and that was so early in the story that I had no need to be... haha
    Overall I actually loved it! I think you have a really strong piece here. Smile
    June 21st, 2013 at 04:48pm