We Would - Comments

  • fascination.

    fascination. (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    27
    Location:
    United States
    I really love how cute and simple this layout is first off, and I completely love the idea of this story and the cuteness that follows it. I love the idea of all these cute things the narrator complains and the ending definitely hits the heart strings with a punch. It's so sad and so relate able to so many people (unfortunately). Ugh, it honestly made me tear up a bit.

    Lastly, I love your writing style and the setup of this story is awesome. Amazing job!
    August 25th, 2013 at 05:38pm
  • laredo.

    laredo. (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    28
    Location:
    United States
    Ahh, I absolutely LOVE the idea of this story and how you approached it. I think the idea of if and would is often thought about before getting in a relationship and you took that idea and expanded it into so much more. It was a beautiful story.

    I like how you used the repetition of "If we were together," because it added a nice effect to the piece. I thought everything the narrator said was gorgeous and very sweet. They were going to do everything together, and ignore friends, family, etc. because that's how lovestruck they were and I thought that was cute. You added aspects of a relationship that were very relatable and I think that also added to the piece. A lot of people with crushes, or in love can relate to them.

    This was such a sweet and simple short story. I'm glad I read this!
    August 25th, 2013 at 03:41am
  • losing control.

    losing control. (4250)

    :
    Board Moderator
    Gender:
    Age:
    29
    Location:
    Canada
    You really captured the essence of a broken relationship in this story. All the "ifs" in the story really tied everything together and helped connect the good things at the beginning with the bad things at the end.

    I was thinking this was just going to be a happily every after type story, but I really like how you turned it around. It made it a lot more realistic, because relationships aren't all just happiness and rainbows. So many people seem to forget about that stuff, but you showed the negative, gritty stuff really nicely.

    I loved how well this flowed, too. You added just the right amount of repetitiveness for it all to flow together perfectly.

    Lovely job, as always.
    August 24th, 2013 at 10:56pm
  • capheus

    capheus (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    100
    Location:
    Saint Kitts and Nevis
    Well this was really upsetting. I love the repetitiveness.
    Something I like very much was the fact that instead of going with the title If We Were Together which easily could have worked and sounded good, you used We Would instead. I'm not sure why that stuck out to me but I really liked that.

    The slow descriptions from the good of the relationship to the bad at the end really kept my attention. You described their relationship so well, and it was so happy and then bittersweet in the end, that was great to me. There was such strong emotion at the end I was kind of surprised but it was so well written. Good job.
    July 7th, 2013 at 12:31am
  • nearly witches.

    nearly witches. (15250)

    :
    Admin
    Gender:
    Age:
    29
    Location:
    Great Britain (UK)
    I really like the fact that you've managed to show both sides of a relationship with this piece, although I do get the feeling that the narrator tries more in the relationship though, especially with the last part. You've taken something as complex as a whole relationship and completely de-constructed it, showing all of the negative aspects as well as the narrator's adoration. Too many stories I read on here comopletely forget to show that the negative side does exist, and I think you've done a fantastic job of portraying what most people miss here. You've not ended this happily either, which I think is far more realistic than every happily ever after story that I've ever read. Not all things in life come to a happy close, and I'm glad that this doesn't.

    Your grasp on language is lovely as well. Everything flows perfectly and I can clearly feel the narrator's emotions as I read through, which is awesome. Even in such a short space of time, you've managed to create such a personality with the narrator.

    Like wonderwall; said, very well-written and absolutely wonderful. You've dealt with something that a lot of other people tend to skim over, and you've done it really well.
    July 4th, 2013 at 02:10pm
  • bona drag.

    bona drag. (935)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    34
    Location:
    Ireland
    Your layout is really beautiful. Simple, but elegant and I think the soft pink really goes with the feeling of being lovestruck.

    I like all the woulds in this story and I think you captured all the craziness of relationships very well. Like the narrator changing their opinion to appease their partner, ignoring their friends to spend all their time with them, the jealousy, not listening to their friends' warnings. That's all the bad parts that can come along with relationships when you place too much emphasis on them and forget about life beyond your significant and the fact the narrator really wants all that says a lot about their character. It was also just really interesting to see those parts of a relationship discussed since I don't really ever see any of that. It made this feel more realistic.

    This was a well-written and wonderful short story. I really liked the way you wrote the narrator and how obsessed with this relationship they are without even actually being in it. Nicely done.
    June 29th, 2013 at 09:36am