July 12th, 2017 at 07:31am
Comment swap!
You captured Matt's train of thought while maintaining a third person narrator very nicely here. The storyline is interesting, and the ending bit with the interviewer was a good way to tie in the title. There was a smattering of grammatical errors, but nothing that really detracts from the story. Good job!
Okay, now I know who this is about because of your author’s note, which also means I know who your other story I just commented on was about. Oops. Anyway, this was a really good one-shot about that ache of a break-up. You captured those hopeless and wallowing emotions really well. I haven’t actually been through a break-up in a while but reading this really brought it all back because you did so well writing them. I was really glad that Matthew decided to go to the interview, and that increasing frustration with his fans was so realistic and relatable. I can’t imagine that feeling. It was very poignant to have Matthew wonder why people that didn’t even know him could love, but she couldn’t. There was a certain kind of simple poetry to that.
The ending confused me a little. I’m not sure if it was a happy ending or if it was a bad ending. It seems like Matthew, in his coping mechanisms, has bad intentions what with the lines “He had dealt with his fair share of heart breakers, but now it seemed as the tables had turned. He had finally found a heart worth breaking.” I’m not sure how to take that because it really doesn’t seem like a love story waiting to happen. But maybe I’m also missing something and reading too far into this so I’m seeing something that’s not actually there.
There were also a few awkwardly worded sentences that broke the flow for me. Mostly because I couldn’t figure out what they were supposed to be. For example: His hair, normally expertly straightened beyond the point of straight was tied back into a messy ponytail. — I’m not sure if this was worded so strangely that I missed what you were trying to say, but the whole “straightened beyond the point of straight” thing was very confusing and distracting. I think the absolute most confusing sentence in the entire thing was: She had long black hair dyed with varying shades of blue streaks that littering the jet black mane flowing well past her shoulders. — This one honestly seems like two completely different sentences mashed into one. I had trouble trying to even figure out what you were going for so I eventually gave up and tried to finish reading. The entire paragraph describing the interviewer was kind of clumsy and confusing, so I’d definitely recommend proofreading a little more.
Other than that, I thought this was a well-written piece that captured the emotions at hand very well.