A Heart Worth Breaking - Comments

  • n. josten

    n. josten (1270)

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    I’m here again as the new host for ‘Just Another Contest’.

    Okay, now I know who this is about because of your author’s note, which also means I know who your other story I just commented on was about. Oops. Anyway, this was a really good one-shot about that ache of a break-up. You captured those hopeless and wallowing emotions really well. I haven’t actually been through a break-up in a while but reading this really brought it all back because you did so well writing them. I was really glad that Matthew decided to go to the interview, and that increasing frustration with his fans was so realistic and relatable. I can’t imagine that feeling. It was very poignant to have Matthew wonder why people that didn’t even know him could love, but she couldn’t. There was a certain kind of simple poetry to that.

    The ending confused me a little. I’m not sure if it was a happy ending or if it was a bad ending. It seems like Matthew, in his coping mechanisms, has bad intentions what with the lines “He had dealt with his fair share of heart breakers, but now it seemed as the tables had turned. He had finally found a heart worth breaking.” I’m not sure how to take that because it really doesn’t seem like a love story waiting to happen. But maybe I’m also missing something and reading too far into this so I’m seeing something that’s not actually there.

    There were also a few awkwardly worded sentences that broke the flow for me. Mostly because I couldn’t figure out what they were supposed to be. For example: His hair, normally expertly straightened beyond the point of straight was tied back into a messy ponytail. — I’m not sure if this was worded so strangely that I missed what you were trying to say, but the whole “straightened beyond the point of straight” thing was very confusing and distracting. I think the absolute most confusing sentence in the entire thing was: She had long black hair dyed with varying shades of blue streaks that littering the jet black mane flowing well past her shoulders. — This one honestly seems like two completely different sentences mashed into one. I had trouble trying to even figure out what you were going for so I eventually gave up and tried to finish reading. The entire paragraph describing the interviewer was kind of clumsy and confusing, so I’d definitely recommend proofreading a little more.

    Other than that, I thought this was a well-written piece that captured the emotions at hand very well.
    July 12th, 2017 at 07:31am
  • arye.tyler

    arye.tyler (100)

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    Comment swap!
    You captured Matt's train of thought while maintaining a third person narrator very nicely here. The storyline is interesting, and the ending bit with the interviewer was a good way to tie in the title. There was a smattering of grammatical errors, but nothing that really detracts from the story. Good job!
    February 5th, 2014 at 05:09am
  • disneyland.acid.trip

    disneyland.acid.trip (100)

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    Comment Swap.

    I've been occupying myself with Comment Swap for a while now, and this was an amazing change. I'm so used to the "True Love" and "Soul Mate" thing that it gets boring after a while. But this, this was different and I adored that. It was also nice to come across something about someone I actually knew about.
    First off, this is written beautifully. There's so much imagery going on and so many thoughts and descriptions. It was like I could feel what he was feeling, and that was amazing. It was also nice to get out of the "broken-hearted girl who needs to be saved" thing as well. Maybe that makes me a hypocrite, but I really loved that about this. I'll definitely be reading the sequel. Amazing job, love
    January 27th, 2014 at 11:21pm
  • ducky7

    ducky7 (100)

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    This is very well written. I love how you describe everything so the reader can understand exactly what he is feeling. The details about his surroundings also add to the overall tone. The story flows from the first paragraph to the end and leaves the reader wanting more. I am definitely curious now to find out what happened in the relationship and how he will cope and deal with it. Great job!
    January 19th, 2014 at 05:13am
  • Elephant PJs

    Elephant PJs (365)

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    This is my first ever Matt Tuck one-shot and I grinned when I saw the picture. I really like your title and the summary, which is simple, and emotive.
    The story itself is really, really impressive. The descriptions are so vivid and detailed. You pause in all the right places and their effect is profound. All those feelings Matt has are just storming around, but in such a clear stream of consciousness. I can totally empathise with that depression of his break-up. But the best bit is of course the ending, where that bitterness of Matt's rears its ugly head. It's vicious and human and I love it.
    You should be very proud of this.

    Good luck in the contest.
    December 20th, 2013 at 11:13am
  • professor_kickflip

    professor_kickflip (100)

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    I really love your use of alliteration and you vivid style of writing. The imagery is captured beautifully and you provide vivid details with every sentence. Comment swap may have brought me here, but it is a very well written story and is probably one of the best shorter ones I've ever read. You can bet I'm gonna go and read the sequel and probably most books written by you. It was very beautiful, NEVER STOP WRITING!
    November 6th, 2013 at 02:34pm
  • XSoulXLoverX

    XSoulXLoverX (350)

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    Comment Swap brought me here!

    “ Matthew stood in front of the mirror, staring straight into his own icy blue eyes as he let out a sigh of dissatisfaction.” I thought this line was a really powerful opener to the story. I liked that you used the words icy blue, it makes the color blue more than just a color. The opening sentence actually evoked emotion out of me and that was really cool. I like when stories evoke emotions out of me, and the fact that you managed to do this right from the start indicates that you are a great writer. “Reaching the door of the venue they were to be interviewed in he slammed it shut behind him, in an act pure frustration.” Another really powerful image that you created, and it really added to the overall greatness of your story. I thought that image I got here was enticing.
    The ending of your story was great. I really loved the last line of it and I thought it was powerful for sure. I thought that it really did conclude the story for what it was saying. I thought it was really well constructed and it was powerful. It really did move me.
    I really liked the storyline and I think that your word choice is wonderful. I really like your sentence structure and it elevates the quality of your work. I think that your usage of flow and adjectives are just great. I was able to follow your story with ease, and to me that makes a difference. You are a very descriptive writer and I think that is a wonderful quality to have.
    October 18th, 2013 at 12:38am
  • IloveOurworld

    IloveOurworld (100)

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    love thus story, very descriptive... MORE CHAPTERS!!! AMAZING STORY!! TRUELY AN AMAZING HEART TOUCHING CHAPTER.... The words are so strong and properly used that they create a wonderful scene in front of my eyes...

    ya I am doing this for the comment swap thing but seriously, I AM dead serious!1 this thing is very awesome...... keep up the good work, loved it!!!!!!

    just keep writing more amazing story and you will win many comments and hearts with your words because words can change the world............
    October 2nd, 2013 at 07:18pm
  • Chasing Cars

    Chasing Cars (100)

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    Hey! So comment swap gae me your story again? So that was super weird, so I did read it again. I really liked your style of writing. The imagery was really good! Also I liked the story line. I think it's very cool how you neve really gave too many details about this "she". Also, the ending was very cool. The way you said he had found a heart worth breaking. That wa very unexpected, but lovely at the same time. Go figure! It was even better the second time! Like I said before, the grammar was good and I loved the mood this have off. Keep up the good work!
    September 19th, 2013 at 12:22am
  • lonely girl.

    lonely girl. (250)

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    From Band Fan-Fiction.

    Okay wow. This is amazing. I love how it's all in his head, and the imagery and wording is lovely. Your grammar and spelling is flawless, and the twist at the end is a real eye-opener. I love how you compare his life now to when he was a teenager, with his clothing style and how it is perceived, and how welcome change to it would be. It shows a different side to what people tend to think of fame, of the more ugly side and the negative effects it can have on a person. Well done. The layout it simple and effective. Brownie points for layout and twist.
    September 13th, 2013 at 06:23am
  • Chasing Cars

    Chasing Cars (100)

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    Okay. If I'm being honest, these types of stories or this specific type of fanfiction isn't quite my cup of tea. However, with that being said, I was shocked. I was shocked that I actually liked this. You really have a knack for writing. I really enjoyed how you were able to evoke a strong feeling so quickly. Some people are a hard read and it take a bit to get into, but you haven't done that. I really liked how in touch you were, to be quite honest. Also, there weren't a whole bunch of grammar errors or anything of that sort, which is sometimes hard to find on here. Congrats, mate! Keep up the good work(:
    September 5th, 2013 at 02:33am
  • Sorrow1922

    Sorrow1922 (100)

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    The beginning is really gripping. I really like how you pull the reader in the creating such a clear picture. You can picture the feeling of the first paragraph to the last. The opening where he is of indifference, is a powerful catch and as I read on, the emotion just really pops out. His desperation, his despair, it really makes you relate to him. The conclusion was also beautifully done, kind of like a sweet irony – a ‘someone hurt me, I’ll hurt them’ type of ending. I enjoyed it for a short story. I’ve never heard of Matthew Tuck before but this was a very well written and executed fan fiction. I’ve recommended it as it is definitely worth checking out. No spelling errors, grammar or anything of the like that I could see. Keep up the great writing!
    August 26th, 2013 at 03:49pm
  • warmaiden

    warmaiden (6085)

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    comment swap;

    of course, i am not familiar with the fandom, but that doesn't mean that i wasn't thoroughly happy with what i read. this is brilliant. your writing style is so intricate that i was hooked onto it from the start to finish. of course, there are some minor grammatical errors that can easily be fixed with a swift proofread, but i'm happy i was brought to this!

    such raw emotion, it really was something worth reading and i'm glad that it's different from whatever else i normally am interested in seeking
    August 25th, 2013 at 06:30am
  • Timeless

    Timeless (100)

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    You are so impressive in your writing. This one-shot was very good in reminding me that those who are famous are still people. I don't know about you but when I think of someone famous I think of them as this sort fictional person almost, someone who doesn't feel the same emotions that normal people face. Which is silly, when I think about it, but that's how they seem. They seem unaffected by the world. You show through this lovely piece that they have tastes, emotions, sorrow like the rest of us.

    I loved how you put Matthew in this strange outfit that no one would think a member of a metal band would ever wear--it was amusing and I laughed. The different thoughts all somehow connecting because to this mystery woman are so realistic. It's difficult to do that sometimes, and you pull it off flawlessly.
    August 16th, 2013 at 09:52pm
  • amabie.

    amabie. (150)

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    poor mattie I mean how could you reject that sexy beast hes perfect! Can't believe she broke his heart if this was real life then I would travel to his house and make him feel better Weird

    but what better way to get over a girl than to get under a new one! Love this one shot babe and I'm so glad theres a sequel woo Crazy
    August 15th, 2013 at 06:55pm
  • SynfulWoman

    SynfulWoman (100)

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    *comment swapping like a bawss!*

    First off let me say, I'm not a big fan of Bullet For My Valentine but this is very well written. I love the regular love scheme and the way you incorporate feelings so well! Great job. c: <3
    August 15th, 2013 at 05:53pm
  • b.grierson

    b.grierson (100)

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    *comment sawp*
    The beginning of this sort of reminded me of the first chapter of my story On The Edge. In the first chapter of my story I tried to capture the heart break of my main character as well. And you definitely wrote it better than I. Haha. I can tell how bitter he is over the whole situation. I love how descriptive you are and you are definitely an amazing writer!
    August 15th, 2013 at 04:15am
  • Snow.White.Queen.

    Snow.White.Queen. (100)

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    @ viralstorm
    Baha! God I burst out laughing at that! I think a lot of people would med his heart. Lick Thank you for the comment. :)
    August 14th, 2013 at 09:43pm
  • viralstorm

    viralstorm (100)

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    My heart is breaking! I loved Matt so much when I was younger, and gah.
    Thus is exactly what I was talking about earlier, your are an insanely good writer. Proof is all over your stories page. I know what you are capable of. You made me feel so sad for him. I was just like, "MATT BABY LET ME LOVE YOU!"

    I would definitely mend his broken heart. Naughty
    August 14th, 2013 at 09:41pm
  • nearly witches.

    nearly witches. (15250)

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    I used to be obsessed with Matt Tuck when I was younger, so coming and reading this is quite nostalgic, haha. I love the description and imagery you use, it can be slightly overpowering at times but it really does paint such a vivid picture of everything. I genuinely feel for Matt throughout this, you've added so much emotion and he genuinely just seems so down. Relationships are a common idea to read about on here, but I like that you're showing the aftermath of the relationship and how Matt does just seem so completely scunnered bout the whole thing. You introduce the interviewer and have Matt concoct what I assume is an evil plan so quickly at the end that it is quite a shock. It does allow the mind to wander quite a bit though. I think it's nice that way, you've ended on a perfect note. Matt has all of this negativity throughout and now I assume he'll be getting his revenge in a way. It seems quite nasty, but in a way I think it's deserved.

    I'll be announcing the winners shortly, so good luck! Cute
    August 3rd, 2013 at 09:40pm