A Heart Worth Breaking - Comments

comment swap brought me here! i dont usually read fan fiction but that didnt keep me from reading this. I like your description! "electrically blue eyes which had once been full of life, brimming with endless glistening looks of happiness had now lost the glow that had once surrounded them." i really liked that description! :D

oh my god! i cant believe that! after five years just a simple "Oh yeah, btw, I dont love you anymore" Ugh! But I like the story! its really cool! and I love bullet for my valentine! there music rocks but there aren't many fanfics about them. I will def. read the sequel! I want him to stick it to that bitch!

Oh wow five years... to just say I dont love you anymore? Thats really harsh. This was great tho. It must be hard trying to keep moving on after loosing someone you've been with for that long and then to turn around and decide to break hearts? Dark...

I'll have to admit before I begin I hate fanfictions. I know I know. You're probably going to say "then why did you click to comment on a fanfiction" well the answer is that they told me there were no other stories left. Which is sad. Anyway. This is decent. Better than the last few pieces I've had to read. I would suggest separating the dialogue from the rest of the prose. Rookie mistake, darlin' haha. Don't worry, we all make them. :)

Oh. My. Goodness. This almost made me cry. The way you capture Matt's emotions without any dialogue from him whatsoever is just brilliant. Everything you put into this is great- the raw, powerful feel I get from this is perfect. You did an incredible job and I really hope you'll consider writing a sequel of sorts to this if the idea comes into your head.
You did a fantastic job! :)

Layout, simple yet effective. I like it.

A lot of detail in just the first few paragraphs for me thats a little wordy but it suits the style you have going so far. I can actually feel how sad he is, I've been there so empathy is strong for me. This was very different than I had expected. I was thinking it'd be just him being sad - but in the end it was him finding a rebound.

Definitely a different take than I was expecting. Wording, spelling and grammar looked okay to me but I'm not really one to take that kind of advice from. I actually really liked this read.

Good work! :D

I love this so far! I seriously think another one-shot wouldn't be enough, maybe try a short series? That would be amazing!

Comment Swap:

You definitely have a knack for detail and imagery. What I liked about this was that you did give the reader a lot of detail, it wasn't too overbearing. It contibuted to the story, rather than distracting from it. I applaud you on that. That being said, I did see a few grammatical errors but not enough to freak out over. The plot was good, it was mysterious and I could see it being more than a one shot.

And thank you for clarifying for Matthew Tuck was because I had no idea who he was, hahaha.

Oou I like it! I think just a one-shot wouldnt be enough for this story! Its very mysterious and I'm in love with that part. *comment swap* Great job! I'm actually looking forward to some more of your work! xo

I love that you never mention her name, it leaves an air of mystery about who she is and just how much she hurt him. I like that by doing this the reader can also put themselves into the story, if they're experienced a similar situation or if someone they know has they can put their experiences into the story and I think that's really neat. I think the layout is nicely set up and easy to read. The ending left a lot up in the air and I'd like to see where you take this. I definitely would love to see you do a second chapter or a sequel.

comment swap

The one thing that I absolutely loved, other than the amount of description you put into this, was the fact that you never mentioned the name of the girl that he loved. It was always just she or her. I thought that was really interesting because even though she was a large part of his life, it just wasn't worth mentioning her name after she broke his heart.

Another thing that I liked about this was how this could easily pass as an original fiction story. You wrote this one-shot in a way that a reader doesn't need to know much information about Matthew and the band that he is in. I've always thought that is really cool when an author does that. Anyway, this was a really wonderful one-shot. The ending was just wonderful, just sayin. I loved this.

Omg sorry about the multiple comments

I love how you describe his eyes. Icy and electrically. Though I have no idea who Matthew Tuck is this piece is very well written and thought out.

I love how you describe his eyes. Icy and electrically. Though I have no idea who Matthew Tuck is this piece is very well written and thought out.

I love how you describe his eyes. Icy and electrically. Though I have no idea who Matthew Tuck is this piece is very well written and thought out.

I love how you describe his eyes. Icy and electrically. Though I have no idea who Matthew Tuck is this piece is very well written and thought out.

The description of his eyes and appearance was amazing, very detailed. Really want to see a sequel to this, the idea that he goes from having his heart broken to becoming ` heart breaker is an interesting transition that I believe would do well as a chaptered story xxx :-)

I love how descriptive you are! It allows me to imagine the characters' emotions and appearance. This story may be short but, It can certainly be prolonged. Also, This story could make an amazing original story just with a couple adjustments. (Comment Swap)

comment swap brought me here!

i love the beginning of this story. the reader really feels the emotions, and it paints a picture of just how sad matthew is.
the ending, oh god, the ending. it was beautiful, and definitely warrents a follow up. maybe just a one shot, but it can easily br stretched into a full story!
overall, your writing is brilliant. keep doing what you're doing.

i'm not really into the layout, but I really love the summary :).

Although this in third person, the reader can truly feel how broken and sad Matthew is with himself and his life. It's honestly little sad to read. That breakup had to be so damn hard on him. I couldn't imagine being with someone so long and then all of a sudden they're done. I don't blame Matthew for being so distraught.

"He grabbed a hooded fleece and zipping it up, he left the safe confinements of the bus. This sentence is really awkward; try revising it by possibly saying "He grabbed a hodded fleece and zipped it up as he left the safe confinements of the bus." Just a suggestion.

"long black hair died with varying shades of blue streaks" dyed not died

Your word choice is superb and you definitely mix it up for the reader. In addition, there is NO grammar mistakes at all; which is awesome! I also like how this story was controlled by feelings and description instead of run by dialogue. The whole thing was really great other than the itty bitty things that are easily changeable that I mentioned above.

The ending was a bit weird though, I think you should've made this a two shot and elaborated a bit more on the interviewer because the ending is a bit abrupt. Plus, I would be quite interested in seeing what happens to Matthew and this girl, so if you do make another chapter, please let me know! I love the ending sentence though and how it matches the title :).