July 8th, 2013 at 03:38pm
Here from Le Comment Swap.
So to start off, the layout did not succeed in making me want to read this story at all. Sure it's easy to read not like most of the overly bright ones on here, but to be painfully honest, it's boring.
I think your idea is very good, seeing the hatred of a young girl for her own mother is not something that is written about everyday. It's nice to read something so fresh and exciting. I like the length of the chapters, I don't like reading ones that are 3,000 odd words, these are what I'd call short and sweet.
I think you could go more in depth with Leo, you've kind of left things out about him, and it left me a little confused to why he acts so mean.
Some more description would be nice too, but in saying that your writing flows well and is interesting to read. Good job, I look forward to reading more.
I think one of the things that gets to me the most about this story is how real it is. It freaks me out because I could see this really happening to somebody because the events in your story (the drunk dad, the druggy mum) happen in real life quite often.
Please update soon!