Summer Love - Comments

@ poison and blood
You should check out my book Purple True and tell me what you think thanks

I'll start off by saying that I think this story has the potential to be a decent story, but like poison and blood. stated, your grammar/spelling is weak and I would highly advise you to ask for a beta here - someone who can edit your work and help you learn from your mistakes. Once something as simple as your grammar/spelling is fixed, then you will gain more readers. Also, if you want more people to comment, a decent layout usually helps. I will agree it's superficial to decide whether someone reads your story if they like your layout or not, but it definitely helps gain readers, even if it's to say they like your layout - they will end up reading your story and may even subscribe or recommend.

As for your characters, Dimitri sounds like an interesting character and I think the relationship between him and the main girl has great banter and could really develop into something good, but the lack of grammar use really holds you back from making this story better.

If you need help with making layouts or anything of the sort, let me know. I'm not trying to comment in a mean or condescending way, but I do think this story could be good if you listened to our advice.

Oh, and please capitalize! That will make it SO much easier to read!
Remember: titles of books, start of sentences, addressing someone etc.
It really will help.

As a reader who happened to stumble upon your story, I have a few comments to make...
Your grammar and punctuation are weak.
You have awkward and run-on sentences, incorrect and frequent use of certain marks, and, unless in the context of a message, you should never, EVER use an exclamation mark of any sort mulitple times.
It makes you seem shallow to advanced readers.
Which I'm absolutely sure you are not shallow...And that's why I'm laying this down in a very blunt way.
You have a promising concept, but your writing style is hard to read due to it's lack of depth or expertise.
Now, I'm not saying it needs to be perfect, because God knows I am not one to start on that as I find many errors when proofreading. It just has the capability of being better.
This may sound harsh, but I'm not trying to be.
I want to help! In fact, I love helping fellow writers out for whatever they need, be it a proofreader or just to assist them in moving the story forward!
Here's an idea to lead you to improving...Pick up your favorite book and read it over analytically.
Don't read it for the story or the plot, but rather to get an idea on the writing style and technicality of it.
You don't have to read the entire novel, but more than one chapter would be beneficial. (-;
Then once you have done so, read another book!
If your favorite book happens to be one at a low reading level (some of the best are!) try to read something harder! Or should your favorite book be at a high level, drop down a few notches.
This will help you get a grip on writing styles and how to find and perfect one for yourself that is sophisticated, yet fun and comfortable for you!
Message me if you need anything! (-: