My Last Breath - Comments

God I love this song and I love this band. Pretty dark, but I like all of the emotion. I felt very emotionally charged when I listened to this song and I felt the same when I read this. I was going through a tough part in my life just like Amy because my best friend died and I listened to this song and i felt just like Amy: broken, hurt, the feeling of defeat. But luckly I was able to over come these feelings. This is a very good story tho! Great job!

God I love this song and I love this band. Pretty dark, but I like all of the emotion. Great job!

God I love this song and I love this band. Pretty dark, but I like all of the emotion. Great job!

Hmh, it was a bit dark, but yet beautiful at the same time. I love the "Romeo and Juliet" feel. You know? Star crossed lovers and all of that jazz. I thought you used imagery very well. I also like how it was shot and sweet. I believe that gave it more meaning. It was also made a huge statement, how she waited until her father was there to do it. I really liked it. Great job, mate.

Hmh, it was a bit dark, but yet beautiful at the same time. I love the "Romeo and Juliet" feel. You know? Star crossed lovers and all of that jazz. I thought you used imagery very well. I also like how it was shot and sweet. I believe that gave it more meaning. It was also made a huge statement, how she waited until her father was there to do it. I really liked it. Great job, mate.

I enjoyed reading this. it was very detailed. the way u explained her feeling and emotion. Showing how tragic it was. I felt adding the song lyrics was a great touch. Keep writing ur very talented and insightful. Depression and hurt is something that's never easy to deal with.

I've always liked stories that ended with something dramitic and touching like how you ended it with "and then she was gone" I've ended my fair share of stories with lines like that. I don't know what it is about this story but right from the beginning when I had only just read the title I knew I would like it. It might just be the fact that I love sad stories like this. Tragedy. It's almost to good, I mean your story by the way. Your descriptive language is so moving. I could almost feel this chill wind coarsing over my skin as she stood out on the ledge. I could feel the cold concrete on my barefeet and I wanted to cry with her. This is really great. Also I really love how the picture really just seals the deal. It's simple but it works too perfection with this. There isn't too much detail so it doesn't take away from the story, I just love it all. :)

Since this a suicide story, I'm sure you'll appreciate my own comment on depression if you'd care to read my story called When Perfect Isn't Good Enough. I'd greatly appreciate it. Now onto the real comment. This piece is all over pretty cliche, but not too bad. I mean, it has some heart to it. You tried, as I can see, to make it yours and to put some emotion and that's better than some...half bit writer who just writes a story for no reason and doesn't try to express themselves and just...bleh. Anyway. This was sad and a decent read. I would say, for future reference, to try to pull more originality out of your heart and really delve deep down to your own moments of sadness (as we all have them) to get some real writing gold. :)

I think your one-shot is well-written. I like that's it's deep and emotional and powerful. My heart goes out to the girl and I can sympathize with her. You know, she's a character that I want to connect with. Also, your imagery was amazing... it almost seems like this scene should be in a screenplay :)

Comment swap brought me here! I think this was very well written! The description is amazing and i really felt sad for the girl! The way you described the water ubder the bridge was very beautiful! I dont think anyone else can describe water so well! This was very good and very heart breaking.... loved it.

Here from the comment swap!
First of all, that banner is really pretty. I like the simplicity of the layout, but yeah, I'll get onto the bit you actually care about. The content.
For starters, I would personally add a comma to the first sentence, "Staring out across the water[,] Amy sighed deeply." I'm not sure if it's needed though, it just felt right to me.
Secondly (and lastly), I noticed this little error, "She though[t] it should have been her that died, she's [should be she'd] give anything to swap places with him, he didn't deserve it."
I absolutely adore this fiction, even though I'm not a fan of either of the characters in it, because the description is really smooth and pretty and I really love the repetition in the paragraphs, they really emphasize the point. Duh, that's the point of repetition. Anyway, I'm trying to say that it flows really well and is well written. I'm not really sure what to say because I really liked it and there's not much to point out. The ending was great, I could really picture the moment, almost like a scene in a film.

But she was beyond help. Those words always hurt me. All the pain that could actually make someone feel like the only way they'll be happy is by dying... it's okay and it's better to let them go. Also the "when he died, I died too" thing. She thought of Michael though, in her last moments, and his memory was carried on after a year that he passed, maybe longer. I just have one thing left to say, I'm really proud of her, for being brave enough to still hang on for a year.