I really liked this. I was smiling through most of it. I loved not only how you work your descriptions (for example, ...she's managed to escape the accent that I toted around like an unwanted mole.), but also that you provided a lot of small details that really gave the reader a sense of who Flo was (or, at the least, how the narrator viewed her). I especially loved that your descriptions were colorful without being overly flowery.
Another thing I liked was the informal tone of the story. I like that it kind of read a bit like someone just talking to a friend or writing in a diary. I like that 'memoir' feel it's got.
Also... steel ovaries.
While reading this part - That really just meant that they didn't approve of things like tattoos, atheists and homosexuals. I was two of the aforementioned, and if the town had a tattoo shop, and I was 18, I probably would've been all three, and until last Sunday morning, I thought she was only an atheist. - I get the idea it was supposed to convey and I love how it was supposed to be said, but I think there's something there in the wording that kind of messes with the flow.
I found the second half of the story kind of...surprising? I don't know. It felt a littl strange to me, but I guess that's the point? It's supposed to be a bit of a shocker. After reading it, it made me rethink the time-period the story was written in. (I initially thought it was in fairly modern times, but the whole people showing up in a white van to take her away seemed a little old-fashioned. Though, I guess if it's more of a 'conversion camp' and not a 'psychiatric hospital' thing it could be in modern times. I was little unsure on what exactly was going on.)
All in all, I thought this was an interesting story. I really liked the beginning (and I probably would have liked it better if it ended with the sweet), but ending was definitely something too.
* I ended up switching to the default layout because I found the custom layout a little busy.
all i can say is wow! lol so.... I cried. The story changed from a sweet first love , to a sad departure but i loved it! and you used the image right along perfectly with the story. I liked it alot, great job!
Another thing I liked was the informal tone of the story. I like that it kind of read a bit like someone just talking to a friend or writing in a diary. I like that 'memoir' feel it's got.
Also... steel ovaries.
While reading this part - That really just meant that they didn't approve of things like tattoos, atheists and homosexuals. I was two of the aforementioned, and if the town had a tattoo shop, and I was 18, I probably would've been all three, and until last Sunday morning, I thought she was only an atheist. - I get the idea it was supposed to convey and I love how it was supposed to be said, but I think there's something there in the wording that kind of messes with the flow.
I found the second half of the story kind of...surprising? I don't know. It felt a littl strange to me, but I guess that's the point? It's supposed to be a bit of a shocker. After reading it, it made me rethink the time-period the story was written in. (I initially thought it was in fairly modern times, but the whole people showing up in a white van to take her away seemed a little old-fashioned. Though, I guess if it's more of a 'conversion camp' and not a 'psychiatric hospital' thing it could be in modern times. I was little unsure on what exactly was going on.)
All in all, I thought this was an interesting story. I really liked the beginning (and I probably would have liked it better if it ended with the sweet), but ending was definitely something too.
* I ended up switching to the default layout because I found the custom layout a little busy.