You Are Magnificent and I Am Sorry! - Comments

I do like the story, but I agree with @ActionAngel. A few grammatical errors and you might want to proofread. In my opinion, though, I thought it was good. I liked that you didn't go too much in depth by explaining Rhiannon. I thought it was cute that she was worried to be put in Ravenclaw! But I'm glad she was put in Gryffindor because that really helps the storyline of her getting to know the Weasley twins. I love Harry Potter and have all the books. I've been into them since I was little and I liked the story because the twins usually aren't in the spotlight, and this puts them there!

After that last comment, you're probably going to hate me for what I have to say. But first, understand that I haven't read the Potter series and I've never cared for romance.

Plot-wise, I agree with Maddi that you introduce some of Rhiannon's family history without telling too much or getting egregious, and that's good. You've set up conflict with Rhiannon's family that ties into that history, too, which is interesting. However, grammatical errors hurt this story, and the way the story was told was at times dull, for me.

I think you should proofread this when you get the chance. Here's a couple of instances that stood out, grammar-wise, to me:
` "My ginger hair done me few favor either, until I was befriended by Fred Weasley and his brother George they asked politely if they could sit in my carriage." Should be either "has done" or "did," and the "they asked politely..." section should either be a different sentence or started like, "...George, who asked..." (By the way, is this implying that gingers prefer to befriend gingers? Why else would this be described as her ginger hair doing her a favor? Yes, I'm going on about the small stuff. Moving on.)
- "You look peaky dear it's almost lunch don't worry we will fix that right up then." I bet you wanted us to know that Molly Weasley talks fast, but because you tend to leave out commas, it didn't come off to me that way. (Also, it's "peachy," not "peaky.")

Finally, what I mean by how the story is written: I'm specifically referring to the preface, wherein there's almost no dialogue, and speech is described more like, "They laughed and introduced themselves. I told them..." etc. Even though Harry Potter fans can probably guess how the Weasleys would speak, showing more of their dialogue can still go a long way in showing the traits of characters. Because so much of the preface's action went like this, I felt that reading it (or at least the section in the train) was monotonous.

Keep going with this, because the premise is good, but keep the above in mind!

This is just amazingly well written and I wasn't expecting that at all! I love the way you introduced Rhiannon's character and talked a little bit about her history without going unnecessarily in depth with it and bogging it down with information about her.

I loved the second chapter and how Fred picked her up when he saw her and she was just yelling at him. It was so cute and it really showed their relationship.

Percy is such an ass too! But in a funny way!

Great story so far and I can't wait for more chapters in the future