May 2nd, 2017 at 07:33am
I am here to judge this entry for the Phobias Writing Contest.
First off, the layout is amazing, but it can be confusing, when it comes to the story's plot. At first, I thought, the story was going to mention a doctor or a nurse doing some sort of harm towards the character, and maybe that way, she began suffering from her fear of injections or medical needles. When I read the story, it took me by surprise, that it was very different from what I expected.
I liked how you managed to enclose the fear with a kidnapping. It seems quite traumatic, and somewhat realistic, but I felt that a lot of details were missing. The plot seemed rush in that way, and it felt more like a summary of the potentially story that could have been. It doesn't necessary means that the story needs to be long in order to capture the objective of it, but if some details were described would have been more understandable. Example, having some scenes with an interaction between her and her kidnapper, describing what she was feelings the moment he used the tools or even describing with details the exact moments she was been tortured with them, in order to make readers feel the fear itself within the words.
I liked the plot twist. Personally, I didn't expect it was going to be her brother the kidnapper. I seriously thought about an ex-boyfriend or potential dating candidate, but never someone in her family. Great plot twist.
Overall, it was a good piece.
Good Luck!
Christie
Thank you very much for your feedback!!! Much appreciated!