All His Fault. - Comments

  • January Rose

    January Rose (100)

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    @ Zatanna Zatara;
    Thank you very much for your feedback!!! Much appreciated! Cute
    May 2nd, 2017 at 07:33am
  • Fuck You Mibba!

    Fuck You Mibba! (135)

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    I am here to judge this entry for the Phobias Writing Contest.

    First off, the layout is amazing, but it can be confusing, when it comes to the story's plot. At first, I thought, the story was going to mention a doctor or a nurse doing some sort of harm towards the character, and maybe that way, she began suffering from her fear of injections or medical needles. When I read the story, it took me by surprise, that it was very different from what I expected.

    I liked how you managed to enclose the fear with a kidnapping. It seems quite traumatic, and somewhat realistic, but I felt that a lot of details were missing. The plot seemed rush in that way, and it felt more like a summary of the potentially story that could have been. It doesn't necessary means that the story needs to be long in order to capture the objective of it, but if some details were described would have been more understandable. Example, having some scenes with an interaction between her and her kidnapper, describing what she was feelings the moment he used the tools or even describing with details the exact moments she was been tortured with them, in order to make readers feel the fear itself within the words.

    I liked the plot twist. Personally, I didn't expect it was going to be her brother the kidnapper. I seriously thought about an ex-boyfriend or potential dating candidate, but never someone in her family. Great plot twist.

    Overall, it was a good piece.
    Good Luck!
    Christie
    May 1st, 2017 at 07:49pm
  • January Rose

    January Rose (100)

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    @ The Alpha's Angel
    Thank you! This one was one of my hardest to write, so I really appreciate the feedback! And thanks for commenting on my other stories!
    May 4th, 2015 at 04:33pm
  • AngelicWasteland;

    AngelicWasteland; (100)

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    Okay I didn't see that coming... this is powerful even with a small number of words, and it grips the reader as well... The last line gives you that holy crap reaction which is always a good reaction :) Good job :)
    May 4th, 2015 at 01:53pm
  • January Rose

    January Rose (100)

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    @ Lyra
    Thank you so much! Your sweet comment really made my day!

    @ Viking;
    Thank you for your feedback. I was thinking of making this longer, but I don't reay have the time and I wouldn't want to take away from this peice. Thank you so much for the sweet comment though! It really helps me become a better writer.

    @ chandelier;
    Thanks so much! I tried to think of the best plot twist, and that is what I came up with. You seriously made my day! :)
    December 15th, 2014 at 11:38pm
  • January Rose

    January Rose (100)

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    @ Lyra
    Thank you so much! Your sweet comment really made my day!

    @ Viking;
    Thank you for your feedback. I was thinking of making this longer, but I don't reay have the time and I wouldn't want to take away from this peice. Thank you so much for the sweet comment though! It really helps me become a better writer.

    @ chandelier;
    Thanks so much! I tried to think of the best plot twist, and that is what I came up with. You seriously made my day! :)
    December 15th, 2014 at 11:38pm
  • January Rose

    January Rose (100)

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    @ Lyra
    Thank you so much! Your sweet comment really made my day!

    @ Viking;
    Thank you for your feedback. I was thinking of making this longer, but I don't reay have the time and I wouldn't want to take away from this peice. Thank you so much for the sweet comment though! It really helps me become a better writer.

    @ chandelier;
    Thanks so much! I tried to think of the best plot twist, and that is what I came up with. You seriously made my day! :)
    December 15th, 2014 at 11:37pm
  • chasingdaisies;

    chasingdaisies; (120)

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    Crap! Soooo did not see that coming!

    First off, your layout is entirely perfect for this story.

    Second, that last line! I was thinking to myself, this is a really great story then BAM! You threw that into my face and I got insta-chills. It was seriously perfect. I love this and I would recommend many times if I were able to.
    December 15th, 2014 at 10:32pm
  • Theo Rossi;

    Theo Rossi; (150)

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    I think this is interesting like the prequel. I like the sinister part, but I kind of felt that there needs to be something there. Maybe it's just the detail. I think this is a really good concept that that this could make for a longer story. I think that's what this needs. To be longer with a more developed plot.

    The story seems to be a little rushed when it comes to the details. This feels like that you took a long story and made it short. It is a good concept, and it holds a lot of potential. This story shows that you are a good writer, and that there is a lot of room to become an even better one.
    July 18th, 2014 at 07:59pm
  • Theo Rossi;

    Theo Rossi; (150)

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    I think this is interesting like the prequel. I like the sinister part, but I kind of felt that there needs to be something there. Maybe it's just the detail. I think this is a really good concept that that this could make for a longer story. I think that's what this needs. To be longer with a more developed plot.

    The story seems to be a little rushed when it comes to the details. This feels like that you took a long story and made it short. It is a good concept, and it holds a lot of potential. This story shows that you are a good writer, and that there is a lot of room to become an even better one.
    July 18th, 2014 at 07:59pm
  • Lyra

    Lyra (100)

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    Okay, this was really good. I was hooked from the start. You have a flare for writing the sinister. I like how blunt this is, and your short sentences make this all the more brutal to read.
    Everything about this just had eerie vibe, which set the tone nicely and made it almost uncomfortable to read. I'm not a fan of needled myself, so I shivered when she talked about the needle. I didn't expect the last sentence - that caught me off guard. It just made this all the better.

    The layout is awesome, your plot was great and I enjoyed reading this. Well done.
    July 14th, 2014 at 08:30pm
  • January Rose

    January Rose (100)

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    @ LostinTime
    Thank you so much! Cute
    November 8th, 2013 at 11:35pm
  • LostinTime

    LostinTime (200)

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    Thank you so much for the amount of effort that you put into this story. It had me gripped from the second I started reading it. I'm super in love with the layout that you had gotten made for this story because right from the start it injects a sense of fear (no pun intended, haha).

    Your details are great. I like how you encased a big shroud of mystery over who the girl's kidnapper was until the very end. It was a fantastic plot twist and I wouldn't have guessed it!

    Also, I love how you added more than just Trypanophobia as the elements of fear. Pure torture was also a big factor, and that made me even more squeamish.

    Over all, it was brilliant.
    November 8th, 2013 at 07:31pm
  • January Rose

    January Rose (100)

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    @ Snow.White.Queen.
    Thanks so much! Cute
    August 7th, 2013 at 05:09pm
  • Snow.White.Queen.

    Snow.White.Queen. (100)

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    My absolute favorite on shot that you have written! I loved this, I mean really loved it. The idea behind this is so sinister, yet it's inviting, you want to know what happened, you need to find out, and then when you do, it's more than you ever even thought it could be. He's her brother, some might say that's going a step too far, but I loved that! Near the end, you have a line about a picture and a needle, I'm not sure if you meant to say a picture of a needle, but I think it'd sound better that way. I loved this, great job! Arms
    August 7th, 2013 at 04:56pm
  • January Rose

    January Rose (100)

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    @ Artist Vs. Poet
    Thanks you so much!!! Cute
    August 7th, 2013 at 12:26am
  • chelseycate

    chelseycate (150)

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    This layout is very amazing, so props to the person who made it!

    I like the beginning definition you used explaining the fear of needles and injections. I think a lot of people have that fear, so to play on that phobia and work it into the story is great.

    As a criminal justice major, I've studied a lot about kidnappings and such, so anything along those lines really fascinates me as far as fiction goes.

    The idea of a revenge kidnapping is eerie and you did a great job portraying the emotion and fear within the main character. The line Every time I saw a needle, I saw him hurting me, touching me, being inside me. literally gave me chills.

    Woah, plot twist. Her brother?! I did not see that coming, so great job with that!

    I didn't see any spelling or grammar errors. So great job! A very good one shot!
    August 7th, 2013 at 12:23am