Blood Spells - Comments

  • Mr. Darcy

    Mr. Darcy (16090)

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    Beginning this story with a poem was honestly beautiful. I can't recall coming across another story that began with a poem that sets the scene like this one did.

    The second chapter begins with two paragraphs that are basically the same thing but worded differently. It feels like you definitely only needed one of those paragraphs and could have really been combined together instead of repeating yourself.

    I like the names but to me they don't really match as twin names. Most people like to sort of 'match' the names of twins, but Naomi is such a normal name while Innocentia isn't. Also, with a name that sounds like a mouthful, wouldn't it make sense for Naomi, at least, to have shortened it and call her sister by that name instead of her full name each time she uses it?

    Chapter five, first paragraph - "I kept thinking about all these strange that have been happening to me lately" - I assume 'thing' should be between 'strange' and 'that'?

    "Class, meet new student. New student, meet class." - urm, it appears like you forgot the name? Because a teacher wouldn't label a student 'new student' if they bothered to give them the introduction that the Government teacher did. If you were looking to withhold his name, then maybe the introduction shouldn't have been made.

    The fact that Kyle managed to punch Jake and knock him to the floor without the teacher noticing, and no one else spoke up from the class, seems a bit unrealistic. Hitting someone in a class and having them fall onto the floor because of that generally makes some noise and teachers would probably turn round and witness it as any injury sustained in their lesson would be on them.

    In chapter eight, it says -“That would be sweetheart,” - and I assume a 'me' is missing between 'be' and 'sweetheart'. Also in the same part, it says -I glared when I saw whom it was - and is should be who.

    In chapter ten, the second paragraph is basically a repeat of the first paragraph which is something I assume isn't necessary? Or even it needs to be combined together? And If I'm correct with following, from chapter two right the way to chapter eleven is just one day, right? It took ten chapters to tell about one day at school and what happened at home? That's a bit excessive.

    I knew Innocentia's fever was something more than just a fever! I liked the explanation of the auras. I like reading about witches, although so far there hasn't been much "witchy" stuff happening, asides from the poem. The fact that she now knows about being a witch things will begin to happen more, such as her powers and developing a bit more. that would be interesting to read about.

    Asides from the length issue I mentioned, this seems like a promising story if continued. It also seems like Naomi isn't going to be going with her sister to a new school as she hasn't unlocked her powers? At least, that's what I've gathered which would surely cause some sort of problems for the girls.
    August 7th, 2014 at 04:08am
  • CrimsonSlave

    CrimsonSlave (100)

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    I'm really afraid for Innocentia now. Was that just a really high fever or something else? I also wonder what will go down with the new kid and Nao. c:
    March 5th, 2014 at 03:28pm
  • twejacobbr

    twejacobbr (100)

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    Havnt been on for a while and when I do come on, youv updated! Im so happy! Its wonderful!! The chemistry between Inn and Kyle is there and growing!!! But also curious what is going on with this new character and Nao. ...hmmm....CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT UPDATE!! Great job you guys!
    March 5th, 2014 at 02:22pm
  • Forever.In.Ink

    Forever.In.Ink (100)

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    I often find myself liking the names you choose for your characters such as 'Innocentia' c: It's a mix between Modern but also has an edge of creativity and flare
    March 4th, 2014 at 09:40pm
  • simply amanda;

    simply amanda; (115)

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    I really love this!
    March 4th, 2014 at 07:15pm
  • TombRaider

    TombRaider (100)

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    This is a very good story. :)
    February 18th, 2014 at 03:44pm
  • CrimsonSlave

    CrimsonSlave (100)

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    Kyle should just go to Innocentia's room and make up with her. I smell problems for Nao too. I enjoyed the updates, so keep them coming girls. c:
    February 18th, 2014 at 01:29pm
  • CrimsonSlave

    CrimsonSlave (100)

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    Team Kyle all the way!!!! I'm really wondering what Jake will make her do though. tehe Naomi has better luck, with the new student. By the way, who is he? I wonder.. Think
    January 25th, 2014 at 07:10pm
  • Lady Nikki Nightmare

    Lady Nikki Nightmare (215)

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    I like this story. I love the idea for the prologue, that poem is beautiful and I think it suits your characters as well as the fantasy genre Very Happy You guys have an interesting concept going, I look forward to seeing where you go with it.
    January 4th, 2014 at 03:29am
  • Lady Nikki Nightmare

    Lady Nikki Nightmare (215)

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    I like this story. I love the idea for the prologue, that poem is beautiful and I think it suits your characters as well as the fantasy genre Very Happy You guys have an interesting concept going, I look forward to seeing where you go with it.
    January 4th, 2014 at 03:29am
  • twejacobbr

    twejacobbr (100)

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    PLEASE UPDATE!!!! I can't wait to see what happens next! Team Kyle alllll the way! =p
    December 5th, 2013 at 10:57pm
  • DevilboyKyle

    DevilboyKyle (100)

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    This is better than I expected. Keep it up? :)
    December 5th, 2013 at 07:56pm
  • midnight sunshine x

    midnight sunshine x (300)

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    Beautiful layout, I only planned to read the first chapter, but I got hooked so I carried on! The concept is very good, I love fantasy stories! The way you've used names is very effective, ordinary names for ordinary people, extraordinary names for extraordinary people! My only teeny tiny piece of criticism is maybe a little more description could be used, but that is very minor xxx I really enjoyed this, recommended and subscribed!
    December 2nd, 2013 at 06:56pm
  • twejacobbr

    twejacobbr (100)

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    AMAZING LAYOUT!! Love it love it!!!!! =) iv only read the prologue...but that was enough to get me hooked! =p
    The begining reminded me of a story that Im also writing, called Cursed Twins, because of the whole sister thing and witches, but it also reminded me of a series called A House Of Night, which i love! So, im reallly eager to keep reading because I feel this will have more mystery and well, i dont know what else but I know ill love it!! =)
    (Again, GREAT JOB on the main picture with the editing!!!)
    November 30th, 2013 at 11:48pm
  • twejacobbr

    twejacobbr (100)

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    AMAZING LAYOUT!! Love it love it!!!!! =) iv only read the prologue...but that was enough to get me hooked! =p
    The begining reminded me of a story that Im also writing, called Cursed Twins, because of the whole sister thing and witches, but it also reminded me of a series called A House Of Night, which i love! So, im reallly eager to keep reading because I feel this will have more mystery and well, i dont know what else but I know ill love it!! =)
    (Again, GREAT JOB on the main picture with the editing!!!)
    November 30th, 2013 at 11:44pm
  • AngelicWasteland;

    AngelicWasteland; (100)

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    First up I love the prologue, the poem starts the whole story off perfectly! Both chapters are well written and flow nicely. I absolutely love the layout! another amazing job!
    October 30th, 2013 at 09:00pm
  • TheShiningSoul

    TheShiningSoul (150)

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    Wow, I really do like this a lot! I've read all that's been written so far and I genuinely would buy this :) x
    October 23rd, 2013 at 09:17pm
  • TheShiningSoul

    TheShiningSoul (150)

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    Wow, I really do like this a lot! I've read all that's been written so far and I genuinely would buy this :) x
    October 23rd, 2013 at 09:16pm
  • Jordypye

    Jordypye (1400)

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    The poem for the prologue seriously sent shivers down my spine and I have goosebumps it's so well done!
    I loved the descriptive words and I love that this story is about twins, I have a twin brother so I'm a sucker for twin stories. I also love how it's about witches. I can't wait to read more of this story and see where it goes from here :)
    October 3rd, 2013 at 04:17am
  • Summer;

    Summer; (100)

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    Seems interesting. I'd like to understand more about this. :) subscribed!
    September 29th, 2013 at 11:27pm