The Slaughter - Comments

This is so great:)

Is Hattie going to be one of those characters whose guts you really, really want to hate, but you can't because she's actually nice with good intentions even if she ruins everything accidentally anyway? Because that would be insanely good characterisation. And I would admire you forever. Not that I don't already.

ARGH poor Cathy I hope she maybe finds love with Mr Blythe (ahh! His first name is Arthur!!) when Toby/Harriet freaking shatters her heart ugh. (Sorry I'm just pretending things are happening in the future even though they're probably completely the opposite of that you had in mind. Old habit, hard to kill.)

I absolutely enjoyed this sentence:
People like Toby are adequately supplied with words of comfort, words to uplift and inspire and make the endless days seem like imperfect hours of waiting for one minute of perfection and, more importantly, to make that one minute worth it.

Which is great because I usually don't take the time to enjoy sentences, but this one had me stop and enjoy it. It does confuse me a bit: I can't tell if people like Toby are told words of comfort or if he's got a stash of them in his head to use when people are breaking down.

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I'm so glad that your plot is going to span a fair amount of time, because hopefully that will mean a longer story...and I am loving every word of this! I think that lungsmoke put it best: your writing is like when you get something rare and sweet and when it's gone, well, you know the rest. Lol.

Harriet, already, has been painted a nightmare. I'm so interested to see how that relationship unfolds, though, because the complexity you portray in your characters means that NOTHING is going to be so straightforward and simple as Harriet just being a brat. =) I eagerly await the next chapter!

OKAY I WAS GOING TO COMMENT ON THIS ABOUT THE LAYOUT EARLIER TODAY BUT THEN I WAS LIKE NAH THAT'D BE CREEPY BUT NOW THAT YOU'VE UPDATED AHEM tbh I kind of miss having that excellent font spanning the width of the story area, but I quite like this.

And, uh. I read "Harriet Porter" as Harry Potter for some reason. AND DAMMIT I KNEW SHE WAS GOING TO DO SOMETHING TO TOBY (she's going to do something to Toby right god this'd be super embarrassing if Toby isn't her best friend and I totally got that wrong oh my). And UGH your writing is so superb I just want more, kind of like when I get that rare Haagen Daz and I finish it and then I'm like "well crap where did the ice cream go?" Favourite paragraph is the last one. It's gorgeous. In particular, the last sentence.

And also congrats on having a plot! (I usually don't have one so this is not sarcastic and is actually a big deal. )

Whaaaat. Girl.
I don't know if it's possible, but apparently it is, because I have just fallen more in love with this story. I love how you write EVERYTHING (I was going to point out something more specific, but as it turns out I can't. So.) I absolutely adore the way the chapter happened, though. I know that doesn't make sense but what I mean is how you write about what's happening (hide and seek) but then you slip in all these little things like that conversation, and then sentences like "I was thirteen when I met him first", and then how SHE MARRIED HIM WHICH I COMPLETELY DID NOT EXPECT okay I literally have no idea where you're going with this but I adore it.

oh my God ;w;
your writing is absolutely flawless.
I have no words to describe how much I love this.

I am not one to leave lengthy comments, for I know that I suck at constructive criticism, but please know that I am already in love with this story. You have me hooked. It's different than most of the stuff I've found on this site, and SO well-written. Thank you for sharing this with us and I really hope you update again soon!

oh my this is absolutely fantastic so far.

I love the tone and voice in the prologue— it had me heavily anticipating the first chapter. And the first chapter didn't dissapoint. You have a perfect mix of description and dialogue so that you already have a good sense of characterization going on. I'm interested in the history of the 'Lonely Man,' and I can't wait to learn more about Cathy and Tony's friendship, and Cathy and The Lonely Mans relationship.

I have nothing but good things to say— from the beautiful, simple layout to the way you captured the children, I think everything is perfect and I can't wait to read more.

Ohh I really like this layout and how nice and simple it is. c: Also how the background is sort of gray-ish and the two outer pictures of the four are gray, I just thought that was nice.

The way you wrote the prologue just sounded amazing. It kind of took me for a turn and I had to make myself read it again to really get what all was said but I still think it was really interesting and I can't imagine what you'll do with this story. I'm really interested and I have a lot of questions that I hope you'll answer when you update again. Great start c:

Holy shit I am in love with this already.

I think it has to do with the header, but I was immediately enthralled by this and then I actually read it, and I am in love with the way you write. There is something about the writing voice that I seriously dig. (And it helps that you so creatively linked the characters by naming them after objects, save for the scribe. That's always a plus in my book.) I wanted to say that the third paragraph is my favourite, but then I looked at the others and I wondered how I was supposed to decide. I'm really excited for this.